The break up novel

This is gonna be pretty long, sorry Im definately spiraling back into a depression cycle again. It hasn't even been 2 weeks since the last bout..

I 'broke up' with my ex last night. We actually met when I was 19 and I just turned 23 a couple weeks ago. In the beginning it actually seemed like I finally managed to find a person I could genuinely connect with for the first time. The cirumstances were terrible (he had just ended a 5 year relationship) but with a long of snooping and since his best friend was a really good friend of mine, I found out that while he had been persuing me so intensely he hadn't even broken up with his ex yet.

So ok, we began dating and we just clicked..we both came from rediculously abusive families and we've always felt the most amazing connection when we confided in each other so openly . He knew all along that my family is muslim and my parents are just crazy, but he eventually couldn't handle the fact that I couldn't just sleep over all the time and introduce him not for my sake but his..which he couldn't accept. When he broke up with me, he said he couldn't deal with not seeing me, but the reality was, he just wanted sex..because that's all i could offer him.

So a year goes buy and his aunt was getting married and assumed that i didn't want to go or couldn't sleep over or whatever b.s and so he takes his best friend and ends up sleeping with her. He had always reassured me that she's like a little sister and when he sleeps over at her house he would sleep in her bed-but nothing ever happened ofcourse.. He didn't care enough to tell me so a year later he admits it during a fight via text. He then continues to sleep with her while we were broken up, but eventually I ended up going back to him. It's been almost 2 years since he's told me and I still couldn't forgive him or trust him knowing that she's still a HUGE part of his life.

Everytime we fight about her, he always reminds me that I'm not his girlfriend and that our situation is what it is because of my parents. He was always quick to tell me he cares about me and that he'd rather have sex with someone he cares about Last night we got in a huge row so i plainly asked him me or her.

He picked her and their relationship. I don't know If im delusional, or just plain stupid. Either way I just wasted 4 years of my life.

I don't think you can say that you "wasted" 4 years, because you LEARNED alot from it didn't you? You learned that you must be careful who you trust; you learned that a relationship is much more than just sex; you learned that since you're not willing to introduce people to your parents, whoever you choose will have to be okay with that; there are alot of things that you've learned.

So you didn't waste 4 years sweetie. i think you learned alot. God bless you and please take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee