A question for you exes...

My ex-husband of nearly 3 years texted me today. He said that he and his wife were pregnant.

Now, look - I am happy for them. Or as much as I can be. But we've been divorced for a while, and since we don't have kids together I don't understand why he tells me this stuff.

He texted me on my birthday, and on Christmas saying he was "thinking of me". My problem is that he should be thinking about his WIFE, and he's texting me. And then he texts today saying that they are pregnant, and that mum's the word because they haven't told his family.

I feel like he's taking jabs at me to hurt me. I couldn't give him children, and we knew that. I feel like he's rubbing it in my face. And I left him because I was unhappy, but he still texts like he gives a crap about me.

The thing is that I'm trying to move on with my life. Like I said, we've been divorced three years in April, and I don't understand why he'd tell me such personal things. He texts, I respond. But I am not comfortable with it, especially now that he's married. And now they're pregnant, and he's acting like I'm an old buddy that shouldn't tell his parents because they wanna tell them first.

Should I tell the current wife that her husband is texting personal information to his ex-wife?

Why is he doing this to me? I haven't told him to piss off because I feel like with him it would only add fuel to the fire. But he treated me like crap our entire 10 years of marriage, and now he's telling me how happy he is with his wife and now they're pregnant. Why else would he do this if he weren't trying to hurt me?

Hello, LookingforCalm. Have you asked him who the father is ?

Interesting question. I have not. We had many problems with getting pregnant, and when the pressure buckled to getting invitro I wouldn't do it. It was too much. I felt like having a child should be done the natural way. Nothing against anyone who has used science; but I felt like if it wasn't time - it wouldn't happen.

I guess he's gotten his count back up. LOL!!

I would try to ignore him or respond underwhelmingly? I had a boyfriend who kept calling me long after he married and had a child and I married and he lived/lives in California and I'm in Maryland. I didn't want to hurt his feelings by not responding at all but I did say things to him I don't think he wanted to hear; maybe you can do something like congratulate him on the pregnancy but tell him you wish next time he had news he would tell his family before he told you (or, I wouldn't really say much at all, maybe a one-word, "Congrats" which would not be the interest I think he's fishing for?).

Just remind yourself why you left and how you didn't feel the relationship was working out between you; my boyfriend turned out to be more self-involved than I liked and did some things I couldn't respect/admire. So, it wasn't hard to be a bit cold when he caught me at home, calling me. I would specifically ask where his wife is but cut him off if he complained about her behavior, sometimes he would call when he was home alone babysitting their child and I'd be all bright and breezy about "you must have to go now, you are babysitting remember!" to get off the phone with him.

It's not about you, it's about him. He needs something he's not getting from his wife and you're the next person he is trying to get validation or enough/extra. Be more emotionally unavailable but not in a way he can complain about and he'll wander off and look elsewhere for whatever it is he's looking for?

LookingforCalm, I essentially agree with Perna in that your ex is only gratifying himself by contacting you with these personal tidbits and other news items about his life. He is seeking a version of the emotional intimacy he once had with you, and you should not reciprocate--let his wife be the one saddled with those duties. Knowing the struggles through which you've been in your relationship with him, he comes across as a total cad by announcing this news to you, with the additional caveat you keep quiet as he hasn't told anyone else yet. Ugh. No offense, but he sounds like a slimeball.

Ignore him--simply drop out of his life. Don't tell him why, and don't respond to his texts. If you encounter him at a store or restaurant, say your quick, courteous hellos and get the heck away from him. Don't allow the remnants of your past with him to interfere with the life and happiness you are building today. He isn't worth it.

All the best to you.

Thank you all for your input, and I know you are right about many things. I left him because he treated me like crap, but we were married 10 years. I left him because I got tired of walking on eggshells, and now he's telling me all this personal crap about him that has NOTHING to do with me.

I think it is time for me to be harsh and tell him to f--- off. I don't see any other way to get through to him. Regardless of his happiness in his marriage, he is married - and I don't understand (nor do I want to) why he's letting me know anything!! I want to tell his wife, but that would spiteful and I don't want to be THAT kind of girl...

Again - thank you for your input.