Lost a friend... Not sure how to feel about it...

I mean, she was talking to my school counselor and possibly my parents about things I didn't want them knowing. When it was pretty damn clear I didn't want them to know. And she didn't tell me about it. I found out. Which is enough of a breach of trust, even if she did it because she "cared" and was "worried".

So she avoided me for a week, and finally emailed me a couple days ago. And we talked about it. It seemed like we would be able to move on a bit. I mean, I sure as hell wouldn't trust her for a long while but she's been my best friend and one of the only people in my life for 3 years. Almost 4.

Then I wanted to know how much my counselor and parents were told. And she "didn't feel comfortable telling me". I mean, it's my life. I want to know how much you screwed with it and you aren't going to tell me? So I told her that. And that if she's not going to tell me, that's it. I don't want anything more to do with her.

Because she basically did something sneaky behind my back, and won't even be honest about exactly what she did? I can't have a relationship of any kind with anybody if I don't trust the person. And this just seems like not only can't I trust her to do anything like this now, but I can't trust her to admit that she didn't make the right judgement call and tell me what she did.

And she's still not going to tell me. She's throwing away our friendship because she just won't tell me what she told them.

I can't even begin to say how upset I am by this whole thing. There isn't a lot of important people in my life. Most of them are on here. And losing one, particularly a real-life one, is devastating.

But I was in the right, wasn't I?

Not quite sure what happened to you Winter Moon but I am going to go by your title of this thread. I too have lost a few friends online, I was deeply hurt. One friend in particular, she and I would talk for hours a day via email and message boards. We were friends for almost a year. We were so close that we sent care packages to each others home. Then we had an argument. She did not want to patch things up. I was crushed, I cried and cried. I used to call her my "best online friend".
I am not sure if you are talking about someone online or not but know that if you want to talk I am here for you.

Yeah you are thats dirty on her part if it was innocent then she would tell you everything she said.I would not trust her or be her friend

I also think you did the right thing. I have a hard time trusting as well and if someone did that to me, I wouldn't be there friend any longer either.

I think that you did the right thing Moon, (((Hugs)))

I can see how this situation can be upsetting and confusing to you. I agree your friend should come clean with all that was said.

On the other hand it is so hard to cross those lines and reach out for a friend in need. It is hard and sometimes you know there will be severe consequences if you do but possibly worse if you don't, so out of love you cross that line and hope your friend will forgive you.

Last but not least the loss of a friend can be devastating so take time to grieve.

it would certainly be best if she told you all she told your parents and counselor. as for talking to them i think it depends on the nature of your struggles. if you were planning to harm your self in any way (e.g. suicide or self-injury, drugs, etc) or harm someone else or doing something illegal then she was in the right to tell them. of course no one likes being ratted out but if it's serious then it's probably for the best in the long run. i lost several friends from high school to suicide and so if someone were ever to talk to me about wanting to do that i would definitely tell someone in their life. it sounds like she really cares about you so i'm not sure i'd write her off. maybe keep talking with her about it.

One thing I have learned in my long life....never write someone off totally. She broke your trust, whatever her reasons that still hurts. Even if what she did was best for you it would hurt. You need time, and you need to be able to withhold info from her. You need to gain that trust back, and that could take a long time. But someone who was a really good friend is worth fighting for. It's worth forgiving a true friend, and trying to start over. I honestly think that if she told you all she has said it would hurt you more and make you angrier. I think it's best to let sleeping dogs lie, let her know that in NO WAY do you approve or forget what she did. Tell her it isn't acceptable behavior for a friend, and that if she wants to maintain a friendship there will be a very long trial period. But don't just toss away what is possibly a very good friend over one really big mistake.

Thanks guys. I really am trying to think about it rationally.

I know that she did it because she cared. Even if I wasn't a danger to myself or others, and am still not. Well, perhaps I'm a danger to her... :/

On one hand it's almost flattering to have a friend care enough to do that. But I didn't want this happening, and that was clear. Still I was willing to move on. But I need to know what's been said, if only to know where I stand if my parents or counselor do confront me about this. I need to know. And she might think it'll make me angrier. But her holding that from me is making me angrier than the damn information would.

She thinks she knows best when it comes to what's best for me, and she doesn't. Nobody does, even if everyone thinks they do.

If she doesn't tell me, I'll never move past this. I'll always hate her for not telling me, to some degree or another. And that wouldn't be good for rebuilding a friendship.

That true