[cutie4life89]

hi i'm new here. Well I have a problem I'm dating this man and have been for 3 1/2 months now not very long. When we first met I thought we hit it off exceptionally well he was sweet tall dark and cute with the most beautiful brown eyes I'd ever seen. They looked like they could see right through me anyways we shortly made it official after the first date. He kept telling me I was his soulmate and we we're gonna be together forever ( I know it sounds like a line out of a movie pretty cheesy but at the time I thought it was romantic what can I say). After we spent the night together after dinner and a movie he immediately wanted me to move in and I was like what's the rush we just met let's take our time and get to really know eachother. Not long after the first few weeks of dating I noticed that he had an anger problem and I mean a BIG one! He's the type of guy who goes for the jugular when he's angry ANYTHING GOES WHEN HE'S MAD. That man has called me everything but a Child Of God. He's talked about my family members and he's never even met them even after me begging him for months to come see them. I'm not currently working at the time so calling me a broke b**** is something he loves to call me. He always wants to send me away when it's that time of the month (ladies you know what I'm talking about) because he claims he can't handle the Estrogen us women have at the time. All I can think at that point is well it doesn't make any sense for us to move in because that's something you're gonna have to deal with as long as you choose to be with women. That's not something that's going anywhere anytime soon for me. I'm 23 about to be 24 in October 19th and he's 32 about to be 33 in October as well on the 22nd. He loves to bring up my age as well telling me im immature and ignorant (which none of this is true by the way) but nevertheless it doesn't stop him from saying it. He makes me cry a lot he makes me doubt myself. I mean I know I'm not perfect but I'd like to think I do more good than bad you know? The way he disrespects and hurts me verbally and emotionally is terrible, but what's even worse is I fell in love with the man he was at first and now I'm constantly questioning myself. I mean I love him but how much longer can I take this man doing this to me. For him to be 9 years my senior you would think he would know better that he would know how to talk to a woman and how to treat her but he acts so clueless. You can't tell him anything he think he knows everything just because he's 9 years older than me. It's his way or no way. He's threatened to leave me many times if I don't do what he wants exactly the way he wants. He's very combative with me it's like I can't have my own opinion without him always trying to change it or question it. It's just sad because when he's not being like that he has his moments when he's really sweet and loving but I get more negative feedback from him than positive. So enclosing I say please give me any feedback that you guys have I hope I can get some type of clarity from this site about my relationship. I know I can't be the only woman going through this or have been through this. PLEASE HELP!

[hamster-bamster]

Well it is good you started questioning yourself at last. Try to speed up this process until you see clarity.

And, of course, be glad that you had not moved in with him, because THEN things would have been MUCH, MUCH worse!

Finally, do not think that age correlates with brain power. Reread what you wrote that he should know better - so, no, not true. he might still not know in 10 years

[frippet]

you are telling my story...that was 20 years ago. He was 5 years older, he took over and moved in. I had no say. It doesn't get better, it gets worse. I lost everything I own, every friend I ever had and my family. My credit is ruined. Run as far and as fast as you can. I bought the story that it was all me. Please get help.

[~Christina]

Question it all you like .. but stop seeing him , like right now. You deserve respect and all he is doing is being a ______________( insert any foul word here.

Hes not a man, hes a bully and verbally and emotionally abusive.

Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnn very fast away from him.

Yeah, me too - sounds like the same type of man I dated a few years back. And yep, it gets worse. My advice is to get away - he will not change, you loving him will not change him. It will just get harder to get away the longer it goes on because he will eat away at your self-esteem. He's manipulative and abusive and the sweet side, no matter how lovely it seems, isn't worth it.

Please find someone who treats you well, like you deserve.

Hugs

[Piglette]

I'm sorry, but all I could think while reading that was "get away from him!" He sounds abusive and controlling, and he has already started to ruin your self esteem. I have no experience of these kinds of relationships myself, but I've read about them a lot. It sounds like the first stages of an abusive relationship, potentially a physically abusive relationship in the future. I know that he started out all sweet and great, but, I think they all start out that way, before they show their dark side. The sweet side, I think, is what traps women in these relationships - those moments of having a good, kind guy could come back any second, so it's worth sticking around, right? Please don't. He's already treating you like crap and it could get a lot worse. Find a guy who is good and sweet ALL the time, not some of it.

Piglette - and those sweet moments are even more intoxicating because they happen so rarely. I found it really strange when I look back that this happened as normally I'm such a strong person - but these types of men really do worm their way in. Ugh.

[Yoda]

I've been in an abusive relationship and yes, my guy was charming some of the time. But it only got worse not better. End it with this guy.

[winter4me]

RUN, don't walk to the nearest EXIT,

[hannabee]

Get away from him. He is not a good man and he is too old for you. Find someone who will treat you well. You deserve that in this life!!!!

Get away now and get away fast. What is this man doing dating someone your age anyhow? I'm not saying it's wrong or strange but from the way he treats you it's like he feels a younger more inexperienced woman won't be able to stand up to his abuse and to me it sounds like the anger issue is why he's probably not already in a committed relationship at that age. I would go and stay with your family for a bit or be with those you feel you can trust because i wouldn't want to be around when the reality hits him that he can't use you like an emotional squeezy toy anymore.

[Scotty204]

I agree with the majority here, get away from this guy as fast as you can he sounds like a controlling creep