[saywhat?]

Just typed a long descriptive post on this and somehow lost it, here's the summary:

I'm having Major Depressive episode that has been lingering since October. Mostly, when I'm depressed I sit around, doing nothing and saying nothing, surfing the internet,etc.

Had a "good" weekend w/hubby last wknd, then Monday and Tuesday were blah days. Wednesday started off good, but we got into a big fight w/hubby about something stupid, during which he said he'd "spoken with a third party" (WTF) and was told that it sounded like I was abusing him and that they were shocked he is living in "such a situation".

I am completely flabbergasted. I'm a very quiet depressant (aren't we all?)
Hubby and I fight about stupid things, but not that often. Every time I ask he says he has no complaints. Since this Dep episode, he'd started using my "issues" to discredit my very logic, actions, complaints, whatever, when we do argue. It now feels like I, as a person, have been removed from our life and labelled "don't mind her, she's just crazy".

I see my pdoc every month, my T every week, and have never been given any reason from them to make me think they see me as delusional or irrational. I am 100% med compliant. Hubby has NEVER said anything of this nature to me before, just the irritating dismissal of my opinions during arguments that I mentioned before.

At a loss for words, flabbergasted, and WTF do not even HALF explain the hurt and confusion that I'm feeling right now. How am I supposed to respond or react to that?!?

[saywhat?]

*Crickets*

Well, I guess I was at a loss for words, and so was everyone else?!

Here's my update:
After 3 days of mutual silent begrudgery (sp?)
I asked hubby to come with me to find gift for my Mom's b-day.
The ice broke during the trip and we were able to sit down and talk
calmly about the situation as a whole. We still don't agree on how that whole
argument went down, but he did apologize for telling me that some random person
said I was abusing him. This turned out to be one of his male co-workers that had previously talked about his own wife and how her depression had affected their marriage. And it also turned out that this co-worker "didn't exactly" use the words
that hubby said out of anger during argument. We talked about his apparent increased resentment toward me also. So life goes on....We're going to have a joint counseling session next week, we'll see how it goes. There is so much angst ridden
history between us, it's often hard to for each to recognize what issue is causing what resentment, emotion, mood, blah blah blah.

If there's anyone here that has been through anything similar I'd love to compare notes. Even with help from my T and pdoc, I'm having difficulty even determining what expectations are realistic!

[madisgram]

i am thinking since u've been very depressed that your pdoc considers either upping your doseage of meds or trying something new. surely this depression takes so much mental energy from u. it's good to hear you and hubby cleared the air somwhat but i believe more can be done to help lift the depression. do u talk about this with your T and postdoc about how down you are? i'd definitely run your severe episode by them. med adjustment etc. then perhaps you and hubby can meet on better ground. he sounds like your condition is causing him to struggle too.

[LookingforCalm]

I can understand - I was in the same situation with my husband (who I'm no longer married to) when I was depressed. He started getting impatient and talking down to me, and anything that bothered me turned into me being irrational.

Those who don't understand depression gloss over it like it's something you can control, and you need to "get over it". In other words, some see it as a cop-out for self-pity. What they don't understand they react to, and no - it's not right. And it's not helping.

I think you need to help your husband understand that your depression isn't about him - it's about you and what you need to do to get better, and that this is a very personal thing that doesn't need to be discussed with a third party. I am sure he's speaking to you in these ways because he can't fix what's going on, and somehow feels like he's to blame.

It sucks to feel helpless, and it sucks to watch another person and feel you can't help them. But he needs to know that it doesn't help to be talked to like you're always irrational. You guys really need to talk, and perhaps your T can discuss ways to help him understand and deal with your illness.