Mentally Ill Person Dating Another Mentally Ill Person

I am in a long-term committed relationship with someone else with severe mental illness (very severe OCD as well as depression). Sometimes, I think when I am struggling with anxiety or mild depression, I just feel numb to the world and uncaring. I feel judgmental of my boyfriend for his problems, and especially when he is angry because my PTSD is triggered by people feeling angry. He puts up with me, so I feel I should put up with his problems without resenting him. Sometimes it gets really stressful having to take care of myself with my multitude of issues (autism, PTSD, bipolar, anxiety) and to calm him down when he's angry or try to get him to try to help himself. At least now he's seeing a psychologist and trying new medications, but sometimes I still just feel resentful. I want to be taken care of, which is kind of selfish and shows my lack of independence. I feel guilty writing that...

Has anyone else had to deal with a close relationships where both you and your significant other have severe mental health issues? Any advice?

My ex wife had major depression. I have BP. We did not really do a very good job of caring for each other; my depression got real bad, and she pretty much left me as a result. I would offer that if you have someone who loves you, hold on to that love. It is strong, and will be like an anchor for you in dealing with depression. It used to be that way for me... I had someone who used to understand what it felt like to be depressed. She could help me out of the darkest places, with her slightest touch. If you have someone who you trust, trust them not to leave you in your time of greatest need, and try to connect with each other as much as you can. Tell them that you're suffering too... listen, and be listened to. This is what my ex and I could not do, even though I knew I needed to do it...

I hope that helps.

Thank you Larfu! That does help. We are working on improving our relationship, since we are in a rut. And so far it is helping -- just doing more things for each other and showing we love each other. I just get scared when that numb, uncaring feeling comes down on me.

I don't think you have to be mentally ill to have the numb, uncaring feeling once in awhile. I think everyone feels like that at times. This world is in such chaos that we tend to retreat into ourselves and just plain get this "who cares" attitude at times to protect ourselves from all the chaos. I know that I do. Yes, I suffer from depression but I'm on medication and feel pretty darn good! I just get so tired of hearing about all the trials and woes in this world -- that I get almost immune to it at times. That doesn't mean that I don't care ~ it just means that for the time being, I don't want to be bothered. Later on, I'll rejoin the "crowd" and start caring again. Does that make sense?

I'm sure you care for your boyfriend. There's just times when you have to take care of YOU instead of HIM. And he has to do the same thing. You can't always be focusing on him. Both of you need to learn that you have to have space for yourselves. Plus you need to know when each other hurts so you CAN be there for each other. God bless. Hugs, Lee

Thank you, Leed I agree. It's good to know others also suffer from that numb feeling from time to time.

unicothank you for sharing your concerns. i don't feel you need to be hard on yourself when u feel frustrated sometimes. we all do! even norms do too! your relationship i'm sure can be a challenge sometimes. for those of us with triggers-ptsd-it can be especially difficult. sounds like in many ways you all have tried to work through incidences that conflict with your relationship. and u all have been successful at that.
we all need comforting sometimes and understanding. so please don't feel selfish. you sound like a very nice person. be kind to yourself as you are kind to your sig.other. it's important that we also fulfill our own needs.

Thank you, madisgram. Sometimes when I'm anxious or numb I can be mean, which I hate. But I am trying to find ways to express myself more diplomatically when I'm unhappy about something.

My view.

I am BPD and hubby is MPD we both suffer from depression plus other bits and bobs but seem to muddle through.

I take meds hubby does not.

If I am down he comes down with me for some reason and visa versa.

However it has brought us far closer together than most other couples I know.

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Hubbys view.

Our mental illnesses give a completely different dimension to our relationship, it places difficulties where they are not normally found, it places stress and stressful feelings where they also are normally not found.

However, its also brings a closeness and understanding and love that non sufferrers would ever be able to apprieciate.