[Pieturli]

Me and my ex broke up a little over 3 months ago. The reason she gave was that her feelings towards me had waned. After a hard couple of days of talking but getting nowhere, I suggested breaking up to her, and she agreed. Two days later, she called me and asked if we could take a week long break for her to think stuff through. After the break, she called me and wanted to try and make it work, to try and get that feeling back. We got nowhere, and we broke up. Felt bad, man.

Anyways, I've been feeling mostly over her and doing good in general. However, about a week ago my ex contacted me just to see how I was doing. We talked for a bit and she revealed that she had been missing me like crazy for the past couple of weeks. She went on to tell me how at the time of our breakup, everything about relationships made her really anxious and felt uncomfortable. She reckoned that a big part of this was because her relationship with her friends had deteriorated, not on purpose, but she had just lost contact with most of them, and barely ever saw any of them.

We sort of skirted around the idea of getting back together, but neither of us are willing to just jump back in. We decided that we'll meet a couple times and see how it feels, and just take it easy and see what happens.

We are both pretty flustered by the situation. She said that 3 days ago, she had cried about the breakup for the first time, saying that it felt like the breakup sadness had struck her with a massive delay. She most certainly isn't sure about the situation herself, because the breakup was obviously unpleasant for her as well, as was the couple of months before that. I know I felt like crap pretty much constantly back then.

The possibility of her just keeping me around as backup has crept into my mind, but there is no way of really knowing. I know she has had a few one night stands since the breakup, as have I, but nothing serious and no dates. I do want to give her a chance, but another failure in the relationship is just as unpleasant a thought to me as it is to her.

As I said, I'd like to give it a shot. But in the meantime, I'd like to hear from people in similar situations, or just general opinions

[LookingforCalm]

What do you really want to do? Do you love her? Do you feel sorry for her?

The thing is with this type of thing, is that ultimately you have to figure out what's best for you. Is this working for you? Are you really happy? Do you feel like there is a future with this person?

Lemme put to you this way - if she makes you cry more than laugh, it's time to move on. I firmly believe that the person you're supposed to be with helps make you a happier person.

I think she's unsure of what she wants, but doesn't want to lose you. But you need to think of yourself and what you want. If you aren't sure, then don't pursue.

I only say this because I learned the hard way. You can't make someone care, and yeah - you can miss someone but not really want to be with them. Loneliness is a weird thing that way...

Take care, listen to your gut and do what's best for you.

[Leed]

Do you think that this girl MIGHT be "the one?" Does she make you more happy than sad? Have you ever thought in terms of marriage? Can you see yourself married to her 20 years from now? If you answered NO to most of these, then don't get back with her. She isn't the one.

If you think you COULD end up married to her and that it could work, then go ahead -- BUT remember that she broke up with you once and she could just do it again. Maybe she doesn't feel the same as you do. Maybe she's one of those who HAS to have someone and right now, you're it. If you do go back with her, take it VERY SLOW. You're going to need to make this one prove to you that she cares and can be trusted. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[Perna]

It's a relationship and takes both of you, and your half has to decide for your half; it's not giving the other person a "chance" like you are doing them a favor or feeling sorry for them. If you are over her and feel like it might be a hassle and leave you feeling worse, I would move on. It does sound like she is lonely because of how she is treating her other relationships and feels you respond. You are not someone else's way out of loneliness, you are looking for a partner.

[madisgram]

her behavior sounds wishy washy to me with underlying reasons. i'd tread gently or not at all....like just be friends and tell her so. i don't think i'd make myself so avalable to her in the meantime one way or the other. why not do some dating with others instead? you might find someone you really care about and vice versa.