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#1
Nov 04, 2005, 12:09 AM
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I used to think it did. Now I am not so sure. I have really tried to be a good friend. Explaining my needs and my boundaries and now, now, I have been ignored.
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#2
Nov 04, 2005, 12:30 AM
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((((((((((jmo))))))))))))) I'm sorry this happened to you. I've been there before and I know it hurts.
__________________
 His & Hers Depression Blog http://his-hers.ozzieblackcat.com/ Avon Website http://youravon.com/susanking |
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#3
Nov 04, 2005, 12:30 AM
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(((((((((jmo))))))))))
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He who angers you controls you! |
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#4
Nov 04, 2005, 12:56 AM
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It'll be okay, I promise! But you can't let people run all over your boundaries, Hun. And you are NOT responsible for other people's feelings. I know you were kind.
If you hadn't explained you boundaries, you wouldn't have been as good a friend as you are now. It's a good thing, Hun! 
__________________
Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
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#5
Nov 04, 2005, 04:44 AM
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((((((((((((((((Jen))))))))))))))
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#6
Nov 04, 2005, 07:22 AM
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((jen)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
i can so relate! when i first started setting boundaries with ppl in my life, oh how they bucked! i had to keep firm and it's so much better now...however it was a lonely fight. i hope it eases soon. be safe, hon. kd
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#7
Nov 04, 2005, 01:14 PM
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Yes it does sweetie, Its just that sometimes its hard for someone to take it all in. Give it time . OK? I am sure that things will be alright. Luv you!
Hugz~ Bethy
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#8
Nov 04, 2005, 02:45 PM
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Dearest Huggle Friend (((JMO)))
I am here... Talk to me! |
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#9
Nov 04, 2005, 03:26 PM
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((((((((((((((((((((Jen)))))))))))))))))))))-being ignored hurts i know, but it is so important that you take care of yourself by setting boundaries and sticking to them. Sending you lots of hugs and love.
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#10
Nov 04, 2005, 03:48 PM
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((((Jen))))
__________________
"There are things we need to forget and forgive, Sometimes we have to try and shed the damage we don't need." Silverchair- All Across The World |
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#11
Nov 04, 2005, 04:42 PM
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Thank you all. Setting boundaries is quite difficult especially when I havent really done it before. It's hard because not only do you have to realize your own limitations, you want to avoid hurting the other persons feelings. I hate when I feel that I have hurt someones feelings.
I am staying strong and plan on keeping it that way. It has taken some time but I realize that I do have to take care of "me" first. I dont think I have ever done that before, or at least havent been strong enough to put "me" first. I know it is a positive step, just going to take some getting used to. Thanks again for all your support. Huggles, Jen |
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#12
Nov 05, 2005, 11:55 PM
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nothing wrong with puttin yourself first, you deserve happiness as much as anyone. everyone needs there own space, only give what your willing to give. dont be afraid to call a timeout when you feel things are gettin on top you.
__________________
'Like a finger pointing to the moon, don't look at the finger otherwise you will miss all that heavenly glory' Bruce Lee |
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#13
Nov 06, 2005, 02:44 AM
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<font color="green"> One thing, I have found to be helpful in setting boundaries, is having a plan for when someone crosses a boundary. My mother is famous for that; I had to have a boundary with her that I will not listen to stories that I find trigging. Having the boundary didn't change things until I had and used a plan to guard my boundary. Think of it like the US borders, we need to be our own border patrols and eject all trespassers while doing our best to keep the friendships. </font>
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dalila Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere. -Erma Bombeck |
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#14
Nov 06, 2005, 07:25 AM
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Jen,
This is an important subject for all of us. Something we need to remember is that people don't always listen to what we say to them. If they have a private agenda they will often ignore anything we say that doesn't suit them. We need to be loud and clear. If explaining our own needs is a problem for them, then there was little likelihood of a real friendship developing IMHO. I have been astonished at the perseverance of people who 'wanted a piece of me' as I may have mentioned in previous posts on this subject. You are a kindly and sensitive person, Jen, and you deserve to be treated with respect by everyone you befriend. Good thoughts (no private agenda!) Myzen |
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#15
Nov 06, 2005, 09:16 AM
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{{{{{{{{{{{{Jen}}}}}}}}}}
Being so new to the forum, I haven't gotten to know a lot of people and their struggles yet, but you were one of the first people who welcomed me into the community with open arms so whatever is going on, just want you to know I think you're a sweetie and I care!
__________________
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#16
Nov 07, 2005, 12:27 AM
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((((((((((((((((AZ))))))))))))))))))
Thank you for your post. I too think you are a "sweety". I am glad that you have gotten the extra time off that you need. As always, if you need anything, I am a PM away  .Huggles, Jen |
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#17
Nov 07, 2005, 12:40 AM
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Poopie Dust if others can't respect your honesty and (safety) boundries , then they have the problem not you
Wise-in-himer
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 A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck. |
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#18
Nov 07, 2005, 12:48 AM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Myzen said: Jen, This is an important subject for all of us. Something we need to remember is that people don't always listen to what we say to them. If they have a private agenda they will often ignore anything we say that doesn't suit them. We need to be loud and clear. If explaining our own needs is a problem for them, then there was little likelihood of a real friendship developing IMHO. I have been astonished at the perseverance of people who 'wanted a piece of me' as I may have mentioned in previous posts on this subject. You are a kindly and sensitive person, Jen, and you deserve to be treated with respect by everyone you befriend. Good thoughts (no private agenda!) Myzen </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> (((((((((((((((((Myzen)))))))))))))))) Thank you for your reply. I appreciate all that you have to say. Setting boundaries is difficult, but neccessary. Like I said, it is new for me to actually be able to voice to another person, exactly what my boundaries are. Huggles, Jen |
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#19
Nov 07, 2005, 12:50 AM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
dalila said: <font color="green"> Think of it like the US borders, we need to be our own border patrols and eject all trespassers while doing our best to keep the friendships. </font> </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Great analogy Dalila. Thank you so much. Huggles, Jen |
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#20
Nov 07, 2005, 12:53 AM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
NICO said: nothing wrong with puttin yourself first, you deserve happiness as much as anyone. everyone needs there own space, only give what your willing to give. dont be afraid to call a timeout when you feel things are gettin on top you. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Nico, It has taken me a long time to even get to the point where I have put myself first and have even had to courage and strength to set such boundaries. I have always envied people who have been able to set things straight with people and not even blink an eye. I am learning, slowley  .Huggles, Jen |
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#21
Nov 07, 2005, 12:55 AM
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(((((((((((((((((((Wise n Himer))))))))))))))))))))
Thank you for your reply. I do need to be reminded that it isnt "my" problem. Love, Jen |
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#22
Dec 08, 2005, 03:06 AM
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It is sad you have to feel as though you cant be honest. It is the way you are. And that is a GREAT thing. Few people are honest, dont let anyone let you feel you need to change that.
__________________
People are like stained glass windows They sparkle and shine in the sun but when darkness hits their true beauty is revealed only when there is light within . Elizabeth Krubel-Ros |
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#23
Dec 08, 2005, 06:59 AM
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I'm sorry for your experience. I've found people don't always like my honesty, either. Some people don't want honesty; they want to hear what they want to hear. I'd rather a person tell me what they really think.
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Maven If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream. Equal Rights Are Not Special Rights  |
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#24
Dec 08, 2005, 10:22 AM
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When one person changes, it forces everybody around them to change. Most of us resist change until not changing becomes unbearable..... I think it's great that you are finding new ways to take care of yourself. Hope the dust settles soon. You're very brave.
__________________
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#25
Dec 10, 2005, 08:27 PM
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(((((((((JMo)))))))))))
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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