[ArmyWifeHOOAH]

My husband has been in training since April. We are able to see each other very briefly, and not very often.
I had gone to my friends house one night for some MUCH needed adult time. After a while, our other friend, Jake, arrived. My husband and Jake have been friends for a very long time.
My friend and I had been drinking. We were goofing off and having fun, and everything was great until my friend Ashley went inside. I had started getting emotional (side-effect of the alcohol) about my husband being gone and having to raise our son alone.
Jake was comforting me, and next thing I know, he was forcing himself on me...he's a lot bigger than I am.
I told my husband. He was FURIOUS. With me. Accused me of cheating. Then he told his cousin, who has been harassing me with cruel emails and texts about being a slut and keeping my legs closed.
Now I'm afraid my marriage is about to fall apart. He barely talks to me anymore.
And, my friend Ashley hates me now. She has always had a 'thing' for Jake, so she thinks I took what was hers.
I'm SO ALONE.

[salukigirl]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I hate that when you told your husband he accused you of cheating! He obviously doesn't trust you and it's terrible that you had to find out this way.

I don't really know what to say other than stay strong. If he cannot be comforting during this time and, instead, makes the situation worse than he isn't deserving of you. You deserve to be treated with respect. Are you considering pressing charges?

[KathyM]

I also think it's silly of him to blame you. The fact that you told him shows you are not trying to hide anything from him. He can't expect you to sit home alone every night, and a night out knitting or quilting with the girls can only go so far.

I understand Jake is much bigger than you, but there are ways to handle men like that - especially if he is your husband's friend. In the future, if ANY guy hits on you at a vulnerable time - first tell them NO. If they don't take no for an answer, tell them your husband knows where you are and who you are with - and he'll be REALLY MAD if anything happens to you. That used to work for me.

Good luck smoothing things over with your husband.

[tohelpafriend]

Date rape is a reportable offense for any woman, anywhere. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I think I was date raped by an ex, because he closed the door and we were alone; I knew I couldn't fight him off or he would have hurt me, so I had to give in. I couldn't feel right about reporting it, because I had no defense or defensive weapons in the house. Your post just helped me to trigger that event and take precautions in the future; alcohol is always a danger to being taken advantage of, even on a date in your own home if you are not consenting. Actually, it still isn't too late to report a rape, I think in most states the statutes are several years, or up to even 35 years; in my case this guy was an immigrant and felon; even though I loved him at the time I feared he would retaliate, because the police would have questioned him.

[ArmyWifeHOOAH]

Thanks for the replies...I don't know if I will press charges. Before I do anything, I HAVE to work things out with my husband. Maybe once we can see each other face to face, it will be different.
The reason he thinks I'm lying is when I was 14 and he was 15, we were dating and I cheated on him then. I broke it off and told him everything...but I was a CHILD, doing things I NEVER should have done. He still hangs that over my head.
Part of the reason I'm unsure I will press charges, Jake is a 'good ol boy' if you know what I mean. He's married, has a child, and every cop (county AND state) know him. They wouldn't believe me. And I would be even more harassed than I am now, by more people. I just want this to go away.
We are about to be stationed in Kansas...so I'm hoping I can just forget about it for a month, and when we move I'll never have to see these people again.

@Kathy: I'm a fighter, for sure. Normally I would have gone down kicking and screaming. I don't know if it was the alcohol or the loneliness, but I just didn't fight it as hard as I should have.

@tohelpafriend: I'm sorry that happened to you! It's such a miserable feeling, such a helplessness. If you need anyone, just let me know!

[RomanSunburn]

You are in an extremely difficult position. Unfortunately, I think I need to warn you... this isn't just going to go away, even if you move to Kansas. I'm not sure how old you are, but the fact that your husband still holds something over your head from your teenage years does not bode well for your current situation. At the very least, I think this experience has opened your eyes to who you can trust and who your true friends are.

I think you should try to have a face to face talk with your husband about what happened and what to do about it. I would let him know you are considering pressing charges (then it might click for him how serious this was) as well as your concerns. Perhaps preface the conversation with asking him to listen to you, calmly, without interrupting so you can tell him everything start to finish. Or perhaps find a couples therapist that can act as a mediator while you tell him.

I'm sorry this has happened to you; I truly wish that your husband and friends were more supportive and understanding instead of leaping to conclusions and abandoning you. Try to keep your head up and stay strong. Post here as much as you need

After reading this I am feeling rather angry for you that your husband doesn't believe you, Ok you cheated before but you were a child, He chose to forgive you, He believes a friend over his wife? It is pathetic, Sorry that this happened to you, I would report this guy

[ArmyWifeHOOAH]

I'm 22. We've been married since I was 19...
I'm angry too, but mostly just hurt. I can't eat anything. I have to take something so I can actually sleep at night. I'm worried that my stress will leak over to my son...he's such a happy baby, I can't stand the thought of him being unhappy. I've tried to control my feelings, but my stomach is constantly in knots.
My husband and I were making some progress until yesterday, when he went off on me again.
I've got to get this anxiety under control. Anyone have any pointers?