[R_Summers]

So, I told M. I told him about my doubts, about how I was feeling a gap in our relationship... I told him and at first he was cool and thinking I was venting or something when what I really needed was some answer, wanted him to tell me I was wrong and that he was indeed capable of making me fall in love with him again...
But when he started to see where our conversation was going he gave up, not even tried to fight as I was hoping he would. I love him so much but there was just something wrong, something missing... passion, fireworks... i don't know... I was just feeling trapped in a good but not fullfilling relationship with this guy who was turning more into a friend than the man of my dreams.
So, why does it hurt so much? Why do I feel so terrible for telling him I didnt want to pretend and see if the gap would be filled again bc I ain«t sure it would?
God, never saw him cry like today but still he showed me what I was saying all along... he doesn't love me enough to fight for me, to make me more than comfortable, to make me happy.
So I think I did the right thing...or did I?
I feel guilty for not holding on at least to after his birthday (three weeks from now)...and for not having the strenght to try anymote and find a way to fill the gap.
I'm so selfish to fill relieved also?
Feeling so depressed right now... wishing to hide under the coverts and pretend the world doesn't exist like the old days.
I regret the way I did it..so unexpectably but I was so miserable and guilty bc of my doubts and felt it wasn't fair to him either to think everything was perfect when it wasn't... but I never thought he would give me up so easily... I truly thought when I when to talk to him that he would have some insight, something to tell me that would change things but he just looked at me and said "Maybe I'm not the man for you even if I wish I were because I treat you as I would any girl I called a girlfriend... and you say you need something more to keep yourself in love. so maybe this is for the best."
I've my heartbroken... and I caused it to myself.
How can you love someone so much but fall out of love with him, after only one year? was it the age gap (I'm 21, he's 29), was it that we knew each other forever (15 or + years) or maybe what is so perfect on paper isn't in reality?
=(
Thank you for "listening" to me venting

Hello, R_Summers. What did you cause to yourself? He told you what you already knew. The fireworks will abate in a relationship. Then the real work begins. It seems the two of you want something different. There is going to a lot of grieving.

I wish you well.

Love is,the sweat and tears,and hugssss after the fireworks are quenched by the world....May you find peace and what you want R summers

[R_Summers]

Thank you guys
I think I just needed something more from him and he wasn't giving more. He treated me good but great. I know the fireworks end up disappearing but even the hugs, kiss, etc weren't same. We worked hard in our relationship and I guess I just gave up trying to make him better. but it still hurts a lot...
I know I may never keep the fireworks for long but I would love to keep that "something" you get of being with someone, that feeling that you're the center of his world... and I felt neglected, felt his friends meant more to him and I was always last in his mind. So maybe I did do the right thing even if I still love him to pieces...

Thank you for reading and for your thoughts =)

[Alexanicole]

I am soo sorry i had to do that 2 weeks ago but i just talked to mine today and he is a dating another girl and he said he really wants to date me again but he doesnt want to break up with the girl hes going to wait for her too then after a month or so date me im like what if i find somoene knew instead of someone who treated me like a piece of **** and hes like ill fight for you wich ill take it for now but im pretty sure he is lying to me again:/

R Summers....it sounds to me as if you DID try....I am unaware your age...or how long you were together....my views are different than most others ...in that...I feel people come into our lives...serve an evolutionary purpose to our souls...bad or good...and some of these people are soul-mates...the bond doesn't diminish...others have their place in our lives...and despite a true,mad,deep love...are meant to be ...'for a time'..ie.,a co-worker,bf,gf,random friend etc.....I think your feelings for him were genuine....(((((Huggsss))))

[R_Summers]

Originally Posted by Alexanicole

I am soo sorry i had to do that 2 weeks ago but i just talked to mine today and he is a dating another girl and he said he really wants to date me again but he doesnt want to break up with the girl hes going to wait for her too then after a month or so date me im like what if i find somoene knew instead of someone who treated me like a piece of **** and hes like ill fight for you wich ill take it for now but im pretty sure he is lying to me again:/

Dear Alexanicole, I know each case is a case but I don't think you should go back...especially if he's dating another girl only 2 weeks after you broke up.
How can he tell you he'll fight for you when he's keeping the other girl in the equation as well "just in case"...
How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

[R_Summers]

Originally Posted by wolfsong

R Summers....it sounds to me as if you DID try....I am unaware your age...or how long you were together....my views are different than most others ...in that...I feel people come into our lives...serve an evolutionary purpose to our souls...bad or good...and some of these people are soul-mates...the bond doesn't diminish...others have their place in our lives...and despite a true,mad,deep love...are meant to be ...'for a time'..ie.,a co-worker,bf,gf,random friend etc.....I think your feelings for him were genuine....(((((Huggsss))))

Hi Wolfsong,
I'm 21 and he's 29, we were together for over a year but we know each other over 15 years because he's my brother best friend...
I think you're right.. he did serve a purpose, he saved me from the fears I had in this area of my life. He was the stable man I needed to discover myself as a "girlfriend".
And I do love him but it was started to feel like I was trapped in an ok relationship.
I told him time after time that I needed him to try and understand my need for romance and to feel like I'm a priority instead of being the one he went to if his friends weren't free...
He treated me okey I guess... but not quite what I needed.
Still, I thought it would hurt less than it is hurting, 'cause I did it when I could take anymore of the ok treatment.
But I can understand why it hurts and will hurt for a while... after all he was my first boyfriend, the one I got to experience new things (even if we never "did" it) and the first one I trusted with my feelings and to hold my hand through the lows of my depression...
So it feels like losing my bestfriend also...

Thank you for your advice =)

[lynn P.]

Hi there (((R Summers))) - it's me Bella from Q&A. I use a different unsername here in the forums. Sorry you ended up breaking up and yes it's normal to go through a grieving time. Just because he didn't fight to hang on doesn't mean he doesn't actually care for you - since he cried I think he does care. He may be one of those mild mannered kind of people who don't know what to say during a crisis.

I think you have the idea you want more passion and he's kind of low key. Just remember passion does fade somewhat and it takes work to keep it alive. As people, we also have to be careful not to have unrealistic expectations - for women it's the 'fairy tale' fantasy or termed the 'romantic type'.

In your other thread you mention how F was too pushy and you were put off by this, so you ended up finding a 'safe' person (M). You now realize that although you're not fond of a pushy type, at the same time it's kind of exciting and thinking it's kind of appealing. If you don't think this recent ex could fill that part of you, then you made the right decision.

I hope though in time, you both can still be friends. It won't happen right away, but hopefully later. Try not to take it personal about him not fighting for you - he might be having different feelings or is too hurt to say it ATM. Best of luck.

[R_Summers]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

Hi there (((R Summers))) - it's me Bella from Q&A. I use a different unsername here in the forums. Sorry you ended up breaking up and yes it's normal to go through a grieving time. Just because he didn't fight to hang on doesn't mean he doesn't actually care for you - since he cried I think he does care. He may be one of those mild mannered kind of people who don't know what to say during a crisis.

I think you have the idea you want more passion and he's kind of low key. Just remember passion does fade somewhat and it takes work to keep it alive. As people, we also have to be careful not to have unrealistic expectations - for women it's the 'fairy tale' fantasy or termed the 'romantic type'.

In your other thread you mention how F was too pushy and you were put off by this, so you ended up finding a 'safe' person (M). You now realize that although you're not fond of a pushy type, at the same time it's kind of exciting and thinking it's kind of appealing. If you don't think this recent ex could fill that part of you, then you made the right decision.

I hope though in time, you both can still be friends. It won't happen right away, but hopefully later. Try not to take it personal about him not fighting for you - he might be having different feelings or is too hurt to say it ATM. Best of luck.

Thank you Bella
I really needed the support that I found here. I do hope one day we can be friends... it's just hard right now... with my brother getting married and he being his non official best man (here the godparents usually are the Best man and woman so my brother couldn't invite him but he's the best man in the way that really counts) And being the sister of the groom I'm supposed to help out with the suit and other stuff and I dont know how I'll handle seeing him so soon if he indeed goes with us tomorrow to shop for the suit

I guess that maybe I shouldnt go if he goes...
I thought he would at least try and keep me but maybe he didn't love enough or it's his way to cope.
Or maybe is his pride... he's very proud and never gives in even when he was wrong.. but I think I did the right thing. I just can't stop the hurt everytime I think of him. and telling people is sooo weird and it hurts like crazy

But thank you for your advice and support. It kept me on the right track this week and I didn't relapsed.

=) thank you Bella and all of you that gave me so good advice and suport this past days

How are you darlin?

[PleaseHelp]

I think you did the right thing. Sounds like you know what you want and what you don't want. If you weren't getting it from him, you shouldn't settle. Sometimes dating someone you've known for so long can be difficult. (speaking from personal experience) And it is hard and it will take time to heal. Don't beat yourself up. Take sometime for you and be gentle to yourself.

I hope things are going better. Many gentle hugs to you.

[R_Summers]

Originally Posted by wolfsong

How are you darlin?

Hi, wolfsong!
I'm coping I guess, thank you for asking =)
It's still very fresh and it hurts not to have him in my life... he doesn't talk to me since last thursday. I guess he needs time as well to cope.
thank you for asking

[R_Summers]

Originally Posted by PleaseHelp

I think you did the right thing. Sounds like you know what you want and what you don't want. If you weren't getting it from him, you shouldn't settle. Sometimes dating someone you've known for so long can be difficult. (speaking from personal experience) And it is hard and it will take time to heal. Don't beat yourself up. Take sometime for you and be gentle to yourself.

I hope things are going better. Many gentle hugs to you.

Hi, PleaseHelp! Thank you for your advice =)
Did you also dated someone you knew for a long time?
M is my brother's bestfriend and I think I know him since ever.
I'm taking this time to find myself again. I think I was losing myself in my relationship.
Thank you for your support =)

[PleaseHelp]

Yes. I also dated my brother's best friend. We had known each other for years. We actually dated a couple of times. This last time wasn't that great and well now he won't even talk to me. But I guess it is for the best. But it still hurts b/c he was a very close friend and it felt like losing my best friend. Here if you need to talk. Feel free to PM me.

[R_Summers]

Originally Posted by PleaseHelp

Yes. I also dated my brother's best friend. We had known each other for years. We actually dated a couple of times. This last time wasn't that great and well now he won't even talk to me. But I guess it is for the best. But it still hurts b/c he was a very close friend and it felt like losing my best friend. Here if you need to talk. Feel free to PM me.

Oh, that's exactly why I broke up with M... I was afraid that if I kept my mouth shut in hopes of my doubts going away and that gap getting filled by him again and in the end it didn't happen at all that we ended up not friends... I mean I was so afraid of losing him as a friend that I gave him up. I hurt him now not to hurt him afterwards more.
There's something about brother's best friends isn't there? lol
Quite a risk we take when dating them but I was so sure it would be the one...
I know what you mean. I was friends with him before and when we started dating he became my bestfriend, the one I gave my all... though he never considered me his bestfriend. Maybe that's one of the reasons we didn't work out.
I hope that ending it now instead of later will save our relationship. I would hate to lose him as a friend... I just miss him already =(
But we have to be positive, right?

I tell you the same, if you want to talk about anything you feel free to PM me too )
I hope one day you two can get over whatever happened and be friends again =)