Difficult friend

So I have this friend at college who no one else likes, and he actually drives me crazy most of the time. He follows me to my car after class even though his car is in the other direction, he's irritable most of the time, he makes inappropriate remarks, and he makes other people feel uncomfortable. I'm not even sure that I like him. At the same time, he started hanging out with me when it seemed like no one else would. And I see just the tiniest spark of potential that he can improve his behavior. And a lot of evidence that he's been socially excluded a lot of the time.

He has a class with me tomorrow night. A bunch of us were planning to go out after class to celebrate the end of the semester. I thought, if I don't invite him and he finds out, he'll be crushed. Another person has already told me that if he's there, no one else will want to come. I've already invited him. Haven't heard back, but I put it out there. Should I not have, and avoided making everyone else feel uncomfortable? I mean, he is difficult to deal with, and I'll honestly be relieved I won't have to see him as often once this semester is over. I finally feel like I'm making other friends, and that apparently means having to choose between this guy and everybody else.

I know this isn't Dear Abby, but I didn't know where else to put it.

hmmm well it seems that you are being kind. And i support that. People are all diferent, some of us arent great socialisers, but it doesnt mean we arent great people.
I would have Invited him. Its not nice excluding people.
If he was nasty to people then it would be different but from what u say he sounds decent enoUgh just not a very good people person????
Anyway i think you did the right thing.

This is a tale as old as time. There has always been "that guy" and then there's always been the one really nice person stuck in the middle. I don't think it ever gets any easier...

I think you are doing the right thing and being a good person. It's hard to say which came first; his behavior or the exclusion from groups of people (which in turn could have caused the behavior). He could be depressed, as one of the symptoms of depression is often irritability.

Maybe you could try talking to him about his inappropriate remarks? Next time he says something like that, just say "hey, that's totally inappropriate, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't say that." If you keep doing that, maybe he'll start to get the hint. He probably just needs more experience socializing with people (which is a double edged sword... He needs to be socialized so people want to be socialize with him, but how do you help him to socialize when no one wants to be around him?).

Go and try to have a good time. Don't worry about what anyone else is thinking. As long as he's not hurting anyone, I think it's fine. If he starts to get to you, let everything go in one ear and out the other. Do try to have fun!

If he would speak to you when no one else would then he is a true friend that you should keep in contact with. Not many people would do that. It sounds like he isn't socially acceptable and not a people person, but it doesn't mean he won't ever be. It's good that you invited him, you should have. If the friends you hang out with don't want to be there because he is there then maybe you and him can just do something alone, because that isn't right. They aren't real friends if they won't go just because of him. It doesn't sound like there is anything that's so terrible about him.

As long as he treats you right then you shouldn't care what anyone else thinks, because he's a good friend. As far as him walking you to your car and stuff perhaps he just doesn't like the idea of you walking to your car alone, or he has a crush on you.

You did the right thing so whatever happens be proud of yourself. I don't think he'll want to go anyways because he doesn't seem like he would fit in socially.

Good luck to you.

It could be he has genuine issues... it could be that you are a rescuer. Can you survive it you lose all your other "friends" ... or are you ready to change they style of friends you keep? I probably would have done the same thing, but then I don't have any friends either.

I think that you have a good heart. It is very kind for you to consider his feelings.
I think sometimes when we are desperate for friendship we sometimes take what we can get.. Do you feel that was the case for you? Is he really someone you would be friends with if you were not lonely at the time?
Do you really click with him? Or are you just his friend out of sympathy?
I dont think its fair to him, to pretend to a friendship you are not really into. If you do want to be his friend and enjoy his company and conversations when he is not being weird. I would def. keep him around.
I would then tell him, lightly.. that sometimes he makes you uncomfortable. Maybe explain to him that some of his behavior has made people uncomfortable.

I hope it all works out, Im kind of tired IDK if any of what I said even makes sense right now.
Good luck

I can feel my mood sliding because of this. I could retreat back into depression, but I'm going to resist.

I don't know that I've ever really clicked with him, but I tell myself that friendships aren't always about laughing and joking. We do talk about music, but even those conversations feel stilted. I'm not responsible for his happiness, but I would like to see him improve and fit in. I don't know if that's an ego thing, like I could take credit for him getting better.

Also, he was born here, but his cultural background is quite different from mainstream American.

My thoughts are so jumbled on this. It's disrupting my concentration more than I thought it would. It's making me wonder whether I'm a good person or not. I just feel like you can't give up on people because they're not perfect. At the same time, I don't really fault others for avoiding him.

I'll have to write more later.

I think the fact that you are spending so much time thinking about him shows you ARE a good person. You don't want to hurt him. Someone not so nice might just say, "Well "F" him who cares anyway"
Also there is nothing wrong with wanting to help him get better, there are tons of people who have careers devoted to helping others...
It can feel good to help others, so what if a little ego is involved?

I can understand the mixed feelings on this, I think whats most important is yourself right now. You have to do whats best for you!
Its like what they tell you on the airplane put your own oxygen on first, so you can help others.
You have to take care of yourself first.
Dont feel bad if you cant stay his friend, it is not giving up on him. We can all only handle so much. If staying his friend is too much for you it is ok for you to move on. This is not giving up on him.

Again.. What ever you choose to do will be OK! It will... You are NOT a bad person no matter what you decide to do.

Friends are those we get to choose (can't choose family) so it's good to be around the "good" ones that make you feel better and inspire you to do your best, etc. There's no place for mere "kindness" in friendship, I don't think; I'm not saying don't be kind to the guy as he follows you around but if you don't want him for a friend (and it sounds like you don't) then you can't really treat him as a friend.

You think you won't have to see him while school is out but inviting him to this thing (that isn't "yours" so if others don't want to hang with him and don't come, that's not bad on their part, anymore than it was good/bad for you to invite him) might mean he gets the "wrong" message from you, you are going beyond kind to saying, "I want to be friends with you" and he may ask you for your phone number, address, suggest hanging out this summer, etc. If he doesn't respond appropriately to kindness, is a "pain" then he has to first learn how to "be" with other people; making it so he's elevated to friend status might be way beyond his league/abilities at the moment and discourage him because he probably knows the others don't care for him and think that he doesn't "deserve" your friendship.