[SilkySpeed7]

When I was younger I always wanted to be close to my dad. I had two older brothers who was privileged enough to be boys so that they could go with him truck driving. See, the excuse why I couldn't go was that I was a girl. So I stayed home helping mom with housework for the summer and the boys got to see the mountains and the oceans. Me, no. I remember laying awake at night crying wishing I was a boy so that my dad would love me. I would try to help carry wood while the boys complained. anything it took to win my dad's approval.

In 6th grade I took hunters saftey, I failed by one point. Maybe it happened for a reason. I wanted it not to kill a deer but obviously to bond with my stone hearted father.

Every year I get this fever for hunting. I don't know why. This year particular I am itching. I want to get my license. I want to hunt.

So I call up my my "dad" and I start talking to him. Asked if he was going hunting this year. "No, why" I told him my plans, what about Tim's gun...will you teach me how to use a gun......

yeah......"you don't need to hunt. You wouldn't like it. No I don't think you would like you. you couldn't shoot a deer. there's no time. i'm not going to teach you"

REJECTED! REJECTED! REJECTED! Thanks Dad! There was an immedite downpour of tears, I couldn't help it.

Hurt. Angry. Is this why I am the way I am? Is this why I never finished school or did anything with life? I was set up to be a failure with a dad who does not encourage anything but shuts me down? WTF!

This makes me want to do one of two things. One I want to give up and say whatever and give into his talk. Or two, I not only want to get my license and shoot a deer I want to shoot a BIG deer and I want to gut it myself and take pictures.

It hurts so bad that he shuts me down. I have tried so hard and so many times to have a relationship with this man. It is a waste. Why do I keep trying?

He doesn't even know me to say I couldn't do it.

I still am upset about it. Why can't he teach me how to shoot a gun? What is so hard about it? Plain and simple he doesn't love me and doesn't care. Beyond his parental obligation of love, there is nothing. He don't even know me to love me.

[hazeleyes]

Hi vulgerlove, I'm sorry that your relationship with your father is not working Often when we have been rejected by our parents we try to SHOW THEM that in fact (like in your case) we can kill a deer, or whatever it is that we try to prove to our parents to hopefully be shown some love and affection. Unfortunately, in most cases it doesn't work that way. I believe what we're really shooting, is ourselves in the foot! Trust me, it will not work, I've tried to do many things to get the attention I so much deserve, but parents are not opened to it. In my case, they're both sick.... so what is there to do? What's the solution? To me, it is therapy... accepting that the only one who will love ME unconditionally is myself (besides kids and hubby) and that I need to stop looking for the love that is not there (from parents). I need to find out what I really want to do, not what I should do to please others... I am not putting more energy into trying to get a good relationship with parents anymore. I'm just going to be here for me and those that I KNOW love me. Why shoot yourself in the foot? *hugs*
//hazeleyes

[SpazKatt]

*hugs* I'm so sorry. But I encourage you to NOT let yourself be the victim here! Get your hunting licesnse and go out and get that big buck! Show your dad that despite the lack of encouragement you are no less of a person just because you happened to be born a woman. Besides;"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

[SilkySpeed7]

Yeah. I am going to get a deer that weighs 501 lbs. the record. I thought to have given up a long time ago on my dad and yet still a part of me never shall. I suppose that wil never go away.

I talked my mom today and she agrees with him and does not excuse his behavior. Just is the silent observer in life. She has problems too. I sometimes wonder how the two of them posibly found one another.

I can't wait to shoot a deer! I hope I do get a big buck. In fact for the next year I am going to visualize that buck and then come next November, he will be ready for me. "Man can create anything in which he can imagine"

Parents are important, I worry about my own daughter? I hope to never discourage her like my dad....ouch..

[bebop]

your dad maybe just thinks girls shouldn't do those kinds of things. My mom always said stuff like that to me. I set out early in my adulthood to show her just what I really could do. It didn't really matter though. She still pulled that stuff. Do what you can to make YOU happy. I know that is easier said than done but you can't please everyone. Keep faith hon

I'm so sorry that your dad doesnt get it. That you didnt find some way of making you feel special. You are special, so please know that and do good things for yourself and your future.

[CA1985]

Ya know I think you are amazing for just understanding and coming to terms with the way you were treated as a young girl! I too wished I were a boy, I have 4 brothers!! And I longed for my father's love like crazy! I was a tomboy until I was about 13 years old! I am now 20 years old and am finally coming to terms with the way that I grew up and why I am the way I am, and that is the biggest part! Realizing it and coming to terms with it is the biggest part, so congratulations for taking the biggest step! You can do it! And you go get that deer!

[SilkySpeed7]

thanks...........

My parents have been together for like 20 plus years and yet you would think that I didn't even have a father. I said hi to him today and he just ignored me. Whatever. I don't need a dad............I'll buy a dog......

[jmo531]

Hi Vulgerlove

I understand exactly how you feel. I am sorry

Huggles,


Jen