[kimmydawn]

I'm balling my eyes out as I write this post. My heart is breaking in two. He's always called my house home, but he's going to his "real" home.

The child that I've nurtured as my own for over a year is now going home to his mama and daddy...a better mama and daddy. For a good period of time, they weren't able to see him very much at all. They've been steadily increasing and complying with all requests. The last few weeks he's spent 4 days there.

Regrets? None! I changed my entire world for him and would do it all over again...even to feel the pain that I'm feeling now. I kept a child safe, nurtured, happy and ok...all the things his daddy and I didn't have.

Here I sit, with my little man going "home" and have given up my career, changed my entire home and life and I'm feeling quite lost.

This is a good thing for this little man who bonded with his mama and daddy and always wanted more of them. This is one of the saddest, but rewarding days of my life. This is a day of thanksgiving, right? I'm thankful me and mine could be there for him. I'm thankful he's beautiful, bright and ok. I'm thankful for alot. I hurt too.

This is what I wanted for this perfect little man, yes? He came to me one month before his second birthday and had night terrors and couldn't sleep well. He was my 41st surprise birthday present. He rocked my world in so many ways! I helped him to feel secure, safe and soon emerged this happy go lucky little man! There was a period of time where he didn't want to be away from me and would scream, but he's so secure now that he glows no matter where he's at. This was my goal...my dream for a scared, hurt baby. Now he's a happy little man.

He will still be with me two to three days a week and "meemee mom" will always be available and watching like a hawk. My little man is a happy baby, and I helped. I will continue to help. My "mother's heart" is broken, even though I'm happy for him and the entire family.

Thanks for listening.

KD

You have giving a wonderful gift to this child. The gift of love. His life will be much more complete because of your part in his early childhood.

You did great my friend! I know your heart is in pieces right now.

(((((((((((((((Kimmy)))))))))))))))))

You have a special place in his heart forever!

[lenjan]

awww, KD, I've been following this as it's gone along and I know how much you've done for the little guy. You should feel great about that. How hard it must be to let him go, but at least he won't be completely out of your life. And I'm sure you'll always have a close bond. That doesn't make the present any easier, though, I know.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{kim}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} you did a good thing, gf.

love, candy

[kimmydawn]

thank you (((((((((((((((((candy)))))))))))))))))

All you say is true. Thank you for watching, knowing and caring. I hope you're feeling better today?

KD

[kimmydawn]

thank you ((((((((((((((((time0)))))))))))))))))))

I know I've done a good thing. I can only pray all the right things are being done for him now.

Thank you for being here and for being you.

KD

kim......so sorry for your pain......i too have followed your story of your "little man"....your love for him touched my heart....you certainly have earned your place in heaven dear woman......

((((((((((((((Kimmydawn))))))))))))))) Being "mom" and then having to say goodbye is one of the hardest things on earth. I still think of the three children I had taken care of 6 days a week 24 hours a day while their mom got into the drugs and alcohol. They moved to another state some years back but not a day goes by that I don't think about them especially the oldest who came into my life when she was almost 2 and her brother not quite a year. they are now 15 and 14. I miss them so much sometimes and think of them still as mine,just like my own son. the pain of having to say good bye to them passed but they are always in my mind and heart. You did a great job for little man and hes old enough to always remember you no matter what and where his life takes him its because of your love that helped to get him there. hang in there. it gets easier.

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((myself))))))))))))) thank you so much for sharing that relation. yes, this is a good thing IF his parents can maintain.

I will vow this here and now...if they do not maintain, they will NOT play havoc with his little mind and heart. I will go to court, and he will come to us permanently. I pray for that little man that they maintain...they have for quite some time now. "meemee mom" is going to be his forever soft place to land and I will will do my best for his emotional safety as well.

Taking him was something that I really didn't have a choice in. Now, it IS my choice to be whatever he needs me to be for him.

Thank you again,

KD

[BlueFaith]

((((((KD))))))
I know this must be bittersweet. You have done a wonderful thing. Little man will always remember that. I'm thinking of you.

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((MP))))))))))))) thank you.

Yes, I know that his "papaw" and I have a solid and good place in his world...a place he can count on. He can talk now and is very vocal. That does give me comfort.

Thank you again.

kd

[SpazKatt]

*hugs* What a loving, caring, wonderful person you are!

I have no doubt on that.

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((((kim))))))))))))))))
My dear sweet friend. I rejoice with you. I hurt with you. I understand. I have written and erased so many lines. So much to say, no words to say it. I care so much Kim. I want so much for you and your family. You all are in my heart. I am here if you need me. Come sit beside me and we will be quiet together, the comfortable silence of good friends and safe places. I am here for you.

[(JD)]

Wow a year? I remember when those tough decisions -the other way- were being made and how stressful it was for you in trying to make the right decisions! Good to know you did make the right ones, and probably are again. It's good for all ... this way, right? Take your time getting back YOUR life... even good stress is stress on the body... and know that you have imprinted on the little man and he will come to you in the future (for chat even!) All things for a reason... (((((KD)))))

[January]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( Kimmy ))))))))))))))))))))))

My heart breaks for you. I heart also rejoices that you were able to bring healing and joy to a terrified and abused little boy.

Angels come in all different sizes, shapes and appearances. You are one.

Hugs,

Jan

[Overcastbutclearing]

My dear friend Kimmy Dawn:
Your sacrifice to help nuture a young innocent boy goes beyond the scope of words. Your patience, dedication and pure love for "the little man" will help him grow to be a strong, healthy and happy "big man".
In 20 years you will see him reach heights and watch him succeed in many areas of his life that may have never been possible if you didn't do what you took time out of your life to do.
Your heart is breaking...I can understand this.
May you know you my dear are a saint and many blessing are coming your way.
(((((KD))))

[ZuZu]

Little Eyes Upon You


There are little eyes upon you

and they're watching night and day.

There are little ears that quickly

take in every word you say.

There are little hands all eager

to do anything you do;

And a little boy who's dreaming

of the day he'll be like you.

You're the little fellow's idol,

you're the wisest of the wise.

In his little mind about you

no suspicions ever rise.

He believes in you devoutly,

holds all you say and do;

He will say and do, in your way

when he's grown up just like you.

There's a wide-eyed little fellow

who believes you're always right;

and his eyes are always opened,

and he watches day and night.

You are setting an example

every day in all you do;

For the little boy who's waiting

to grow up to be like you.

Author unknown

[hillbunnyb]

OOoowwWWwwwyyyyy OHHHH OOOOooowwwy OHHHHH
OOOooowWWwwwyyy KD, I had NO idea. I am so proud of you. I'm so glad you were there for him. And are still there for him. And will be there for him. You've given him a place to triangulate from.With a foundation of knowing himself as a whole person, he will be able to notice when people start messing with his personal space and know he doesn't "deserve" it, whatever the kaka is.

With you guys there as his guardian angels and teachers and affirmers, wheeweeee, wish I'da had somebody like you in my life. By the time I figured out what wasn't me or mine, I was big and way messed up.

Starting over: here you go again, huh? Don't forget to fill that big hole in your heart with good stuff while you transition. We're sending a bucket brigade of good vibes your way.

[Mahali]

kd,

I too have followed this series of events from almost the beginning. I know how much of you has been given to this young man. Your heart, tears, wisdom and love. He is so fortunate to have had somebody as special as you willing to give what you have. I also know how fortunate you feel to have been able to reach out and touch his life.

I know how hard it is to let go even when you know it is best and right. The pain you feel mixed with the pride.

I wonder...if you or I had been so fortunate to have somebody who cared as much as you do when we were young...then where would we be today?

You have saved him so much hurt kd.

((((((((((((((((((((( kd ))))))))))))))))))))))))

Bless you and your entire family.

place

(((((((((KimmyDawn)))))))))))))
I think he's very fortunate to have you in his life. Sorry he has to leave. I'm sure he'll miss you very much.

[kimmydawn]

thank you ((((((((((((((((katt)))))))))))))))))

you're pretty special and appreciated yourself!

KD

[kimmydawn]

thank you (((((((((((((((myself))))))))))))))))))

kd

[kimmydawn]

thank you so much (((((((((((((((((wantto)))))))))))))))))))

you're always there for me to hear me rant, scream, cry, be proud, etc. I appreciate you so much. Someday, we'll sit. However, I highly DOUBT that we'll be too quiet!

Thank you so much.

Kd

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((Sky)))))))))))))))

Once again, thank you so much for such sage words...words I needed to hear. Yes, alot of good has been done here.

I will be watching carefully. I'm already concerned about a couple of significant issues though, since he came home to me last nite. A very pronounced behavior that he had when he came to me has returned...just after a couple of weeks of this. I worked hard for about 8 months to help with this and he's right back to square one...big concern for me as we speak.

Thank you again, always.

KD

[kimmydawn]

Thank you (((((((((((((((jan))))))))))))))))))) you, my friend, are another.

Love,

KD