torn between logic and love ahh liebe ♥

good day all.
i have been talking to a man i met in 2008 when i was in Germany visiting my mom, and we did lose contact but am now talking again. i did not date him, i was dating another man at the time. we were just friends then and now i think i may be having more feelings about him, he tells me i misses me and wants me to come see him, and i do. im just torn because i have school to finish hier and i told him that i am panning to come for the Oktoberfest this year and would like to see him then. but im afraid i may fall for him and now its safe because im not actually there. idk i just needed to vent about this, its a bit stressful, its bad enough my mom is living in Hannover still and now with my friend there (he is actually from Berlin) its even more tempting to just book a one way ticket and tell my dad im leaving. but i have my life hier too and ach im just frustrated now.

i no what is right and logical to do, i mean im German its in my genes to be logical isnt it? but why do i have these awkward feelings i cant seem to avoid? i dont expect much reply just needed to vent, its ok if you dont have advice for me, just wanted to write it out.

thanks
21

Ahhh...I know that all too well. I'm going thru that now. And honestly, you just have to trust yourself. If you feel that your life is here in the states, then you stay here. Perhaps, if he misses you as he says, he'll come instead.

That sounds like a lot of complicated feelings there. It's OK to not be logical sometimes. Can I ask how things are between you and your father? If you didn't have this friend in Germany to visit, would you still want to leave your current home with Dad? And how are things at school? Are you doing well and almost done? Was your plan to return to Germany anyway when you are done with school? Would you like to return to Germany to live there? You wrote that if you visit your friend at Oktoberfest, you may fall for him because it's safe. Can you explain more about why it would be safe and what you are protecting yourself from?

What is right and logical to do?

I don't know, but for some reason, I don't think it's about your friend. That's why I asked those other questions (above). It seems like there is something else that might be going on.

Take care.

Never put a man before completing school. A man may not always be there, but a degree will stay with you forever, and will never tell you you're putting weight on )

Thanks for replying,
Rhiannonsmoon, lol, i agree and that is the logical thing to do, to stay here and finish, i have 3 semesters left...possibly.

Sunrise, i have a great relationship with my dad, he is a good drinking buddy and im more a daddys little girl then a mommys for obvious reasons. my dad is my best friend, and he respects my opinion of wanting to gp back and see my mom. he is remarried now, to my step mom, but he still respects my mom in Germany, that is why i love him. i am doing good in school, made deans list last year 3,75 GPA. with that 8 week genetics class im surpised i did so well, lol. and ya i do plan to move back to Germany at some point, but i didnt think after chatting with my friend i would start to want more for him. i want to be there for him. but i never thought we would even try to make this work. i planned to stay here in the states, teach German, maybe find a man here, later of course and move back to Germany long time from now... i dont do well with change lol, i have a plan and dont like it interrupted ach. when i mean safe, sunrise, i mean just chatting with him is easier on me then being there psychically with him and wanting to make love to him, then i would have too many feelings then.. ya no good, chatting like this, protects me from what i could really feel if i was there in his arms.

Vampyre, thanks, im glad to no im not alone, and maybe he would come hier but his circumstances in Berlin i dk... it will work out... and good luck to your situation.

sorry for such long response, hope i cleared up some things.

21

You have some difficult things to think about, especially when the neurons are being challenged by the hormones.

So, you shall sort this out and I shall mind my own business.

I guess I just want to say that I did leave school for a boy. Heck I even moved half way across the country for him. But we had been long distance for four years and knew that we were one day going to get married. I had no problem with leaving school because I was struggling and miserable. I was depressed and hated being away at school. This might sound awful, but the only bright part of my life back then was being with my (then) boyfriend. And honestly, once we moved in together, I was able to work on myself and get better. This past year living with my fiance has been the best year of my life. I am doing things that I never dreamed would happen because of my depression and anxiety.

I'm planning on transferring to a school here for next spring (wanted to wait the year so I could get in state tuition). Oh, and my fiance knows better than to ever call me fat!

Anyways, i just wanted to say one size doesn't fit all. You have to do what feels right to you, and no what anyone else says you should do. I learned that one the hard way, and I wasn't going to be happy until I started making decisions for me.

Good luck! Remember, you and your happiness are your number one priorities!