just a ? or...........

ok, i'm 22 y/o and i've been married 2 1/2 yrs. and i'm not an affectinate person, i've never been and my husband knows it. i don't do the name calling (baby, sweeteart,...), i don't like holding hands, kissing, sex or anything like that. why?? am i the only person in the world like that?? is there a name for it, besids unaffectinate??

"Despising You Makes Me All Warm Inside"

maybe your not in love as you think you are.
have you really experenced love with a man that makes you feel as your the
only woman on earth when you do you would want to make love to him and
please him to lhe fullest. Or maybe you just think your in love for some other
reason. Answer that in your heart and you will find the answer to you question.
no disrespect to you are your family but look in to your heart.

Any idea why you arent very affectionate? Anything happen that turned you against closeness and intimacy? Or "jsut the way you are"? Does this apply to everyone(touching,hugging,etc) or jsut with your husband?

i've never been affectionate to anyone, husband, mom, dad...no one. i don't know why. i have muscular dystrophy,ocd, and a little schizophrenia, but those are not a good excuse i don't think. i mean i love being around him. we go place together like, gym, vacations, clubs, concerts...

"Despising You Makes Me All Warm Inside"

WEll, i sounds like he knew thats who you were to begin with and before he married...and had to accept that as part of you when he propsed to you and married you Is he complainign about it now? Or is it something that jsut bothers you?
If you enjoy time together...that has to be important too. Although intimacy and touch is usually a big part of a good relationship too. But you're just you

he knew and like the first year he didn't say much about it, now he always asks me why. it got to the point a few months ago he was considering a divorce. but now i make myself have sex with him so he won't say nothing or get mad.

"Despising You Makes Me All Warm Inside"

Are you wondering about this issue for self knowledge or are you thinking about it purely because he is on your case about it? I would think that you are the way you are.....because of many reasons. If you think your life could be better if you were more open to showing and receiving affection......then someone who is qualified to help you discover the root and /or causes of your current "unaffectionate nature" would be who you should seek out. I don't think that's something that you can just change by wishing it so. My husband does not like to be touched and he doesn't touch either. He doesn't really "feel" emotions either. From my standpoint.....I believe he is missing much. I wish that he could experience joy and "feel" good from things like touch. But from his perspective.......he can't begin to understand that. He just can't. Our couselor explained it to me this way: For whatever reason/s....at a young age.....he learned to cope on a much narrower scope than most....almost just "survival mode". He has his ocd routines that define his boundaries....and he feels safe and satisfied with very limited physical and emotional involvement with other human beings. His concept of connecting.......and mine, are at opposite ends of the spectrum. I can't ask him to change. He would have to feel the need and desire to change and it would take therapy for him. Lots of therapy.

You said......"I make myself have sex with him so he won't say nothing or get mad.". I'm sorry hon. If he knew what you were like when he married you....then he shouldn't be asking for something different from you now. But he is. Engaging in sex when it is not something you want.....has got to be hard for you.....and unless you are the worlds best actress......he's going to know that it's not a genuine, natural act for you to engage in. How satisfying is that for either of you?

I guess I'm back to my original question. Are you asking for yourself? Do you want to be different than you are? Your husband should realize that if you do take steps to get therapy for this issue......any changes you are able to make in your intimacy level should be considered a PLUS.......a BONUS.......not something he deserved and was denied. He knew what you were like in the beginning. It's not right to hold it against you later on. Hugs and best wishes to you.

very well said Deb.....have to agree with Deb and she said it perfectly.
really think over and answer honesty the things she brought up.
and Deb.....I feel for you in your relationship...you msut really love him alot to be able to recognize the issues and deal with them without it bringing you down emotionally. Im big on touch too...and almost take it as rejection if I dont get it.
Serenity

i'm gonna go to therapy and see what happens. i mean i want to change and all, but it would be easier if he didn't be mean. he's going toa therapist now for his anger management problems. i just don't understand how he can get mad at some little something, and start slinging stuff around, punch holes in doors, scream and cuss at me, hit me (by the way i'm in a wheelchair), and excpect me to want to be affectionate.

"Despising You Makes Me All Warm Inside"

I'm looking for individuals with a previous diagnosis of schizophrenia. If you know anyone who would be willing to have a blood sample, interview and medical/psychiatric records. I would love to have them participate. They can call me toll -free at 1-877-259-4355. I would need to ask them some preliminary questions. UCI is paying $100 to affected individuals and $50 to their parents.

Byerley Lab

Grrrrrr that's definitely more information about him than we knew....Yeha he definitely needs to deal with HIS issues!
If "YOU" want to change this in yourself...then "YOU" go ahead withthe therapy...I do persoanlly think it will add to your life. do NOT do it jsut because of him or for him.
Affection and touch can be very reassuring....it can hurt when ya dont get it...
he has no excuse for hsi behavior...andyou have no need to "make one" for how you are.
I wish you much luck...and I hope it helps.

thanx

"Despising You Makes Me All Warm Inside"