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#1
Oct 29, 2003, 12:19 PM
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Please read this and tell me what to do because I am lost...
My girlfriend has Borderline Personality Disorder... She is only 16 but the most mature person I have ever met... When she was 14 she was admitted in a mental institution for a year. She tried to commit suicide 4 times -twice by hanging, once by laying on the high way and once by drinking acid... She used to burn herself with cigarettes... she has scars all over the palms of her hands... She got out of the hospital a year ago and she's still very depressed...Only she is used to repression of her feelings and she never opens up to anyone... she wears a mask that everything is ok and makes everyone believe it... But i know her and I know nothing is ok. Recently she's opened up to me and told me she feels like a zombie like she's dead inside... and that she still cuts herself sometimes - coz it's her therapy... She is on medication and she has a psychiatrist but it doesn't really help and she has panic attacks... And she refuses to see a psychologist... She has had 7 psychologists since she was 12 only one she trusted - the one in the hospital but she got disappointed in them all and she refuses to see another one... She tells me she wants to die... She says she feels broken inside... I am always trying to speak to her and to let her know i am there for her and that i love her and support her... but she closes up- like a shell - each time she opens up i try to reach in and she closes up again... It's so hard... This week it's been especially hard - we have barely even spoken on the phone and we live kind of far so we couldn't see each other all week... and she doesn't answer my calls and she sends me text messages that I should move on and leave her and that I am so much better off coz in the end I will only get hurt... She sends me text messages with lines from Pink Floyd, from The Wall... like "Goodbye cruel world, I'm leaving you today" and "Crazy, over the rainbow, I am crazy, cars in my window..." And I know that she cries for help !!! And I want to help her and I am always there for her... I tell her I love her every second i can and that I am there for her always no matter what ... she only answers with cold short answers like "yes" "no" ... i asked her if she knows i love her (she always used to tell me "i know" whenever i told her i loved her... this time she said " I don't know anything anymore, i feel i have nothing left to give to you..." I feel on the one hand she is crying for help from me - I’m the only person she told all this too... And last week she had a huge panic attack at night... I was there... we didn't sleep almost all night long - she was shaking and almost screaming out of pain and i tried to hug her and i talked calmly and tried to calm her down but she pushed me she wouldn't let me touch her... she said it hurts when i do... it passed when i read her a book her dad reads to her when she feels sad... it calmed her down and it passed... but since that panic attack her condition got a lot worse... she's a lot more depressed... she's so closed up... it's like she has actually built a wall - just like in the movie...(which by the way is her favorite movie of all time)... I know she loves me and I love her too... we have a really special relationship... we fell in love on the first day we met...and she cries for help but when i try she won't let me help her she closes up again... Please tell me what to do? I feel like she is slipping right between my fingers and i am losing her... And I don't know how to stop it... Her parents can't convince her to see a psychologist, if i ever mention it she closes up even more and she stops even telling me she feels bad... her parents know she is depressed and I think they are kind of lost as well... I really need help... it's killing me ... I can't lose her... I jus can't... Thank you.. Alex 
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#2
Oct 29, 2003, 12:47 PM
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I wish I could tell you what to do. It sounds like your girlfriend has had a very tough time in life and there doesn't seem to be any relief in site. It must be very hard on you too. Make sure you are taking care of yourself and your needs too.
It is good that she can open up to you a little but it's not good that when you mention getting help she closes down. If she is BP then she needs help. There are people here dealing with BP and I hope they can give you some good advice. I just wanted to let you know I read your post and am sending a hug. Heidu When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell
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There is a time in life when you stop existing and start living. There is a time in life when you are given a new chance and new dreams. There is a time in life when the old is to be forgotten and the new embraced. There is a time in life......And that time is now. Unknown |
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#3
Oct 29, 2003, 12:50 PM
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Thanks... yes she ahs been through a very tough time in her life and still is... and it is very hard and it gets me depressed as well... I am trying to be as strong as I can for her...
Thanks for the hug... you're very sweet... Alex
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#4
Oct 30, 2003, 12:30 AM
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Alex,
It sounds like your girlfriend has had a really rough life so far and she must hurt. But if she won't accept help, there just isn't much that you can do for her. People don't get better unless they want to, and if she is getting what she thinks she needs by having you worry about her all the time, she might never care about getting better. As long as you are trying harder than she is, it isn't going to work. You have to take care of yourself, and sometimes when you are in a relationship with someone who has that kind of problems, whether or not they will go to counseling, you might need to go to counseling yourself in order to be able to deal with it and the effect that it can have on you. We can't tell you how to fix your girlfriend's problems. If her psychiatrist hasn't gotten it worked out (have you tried asking him what you might be able to do?), then what do a bunch of people on the internet who have never met her know? But you're welcome to come here and talk, and we'll offer what support to you that we can. Wendy <font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>
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“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg 
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#5
Oct 30, 2003, 12:49 AM
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Hey Wendy, thanks for replying...
I know you are right and I understand all you've said myself... I just wish I knew ways to convince her to see a psychologist without getting her angry... She has told me she wants to help herself... and last night we talked and i said i will do anything i can to help her and she said thanks and she kinda accepted it so at least that's good... I have to find out ways to convince her to see a psychologist... Please have you had any such experiences with people who would refuse to see councling and maybe you know a way to convince her? Her psychiatrist is doing nothing she sees her once a month and writes her a perscription and that's it... Sometimes when she feels bad she calls an emergency hot line for mental problems but they can't help really - they are just young guys and girls volunteering... I wish I knew how to give her hope and convnice her to go to a psychologist... Alex
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#6
Oct 30, 2003, 03:27 PM
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hi alex, my cousin is bp and he takes a pill called Welbutrin (spelling??) 200mg twice daily, he's 13. my aunt says it really helps him. i know this might sound stupid, but i have muscular dystrophy and can't walk and schizophrenia and ocd, does she have any hobbies or likes to go do stuff?? i hope she feels/gets better soon!!
hugs, -kristy "Despising You Makes Me All Warm Inside" |
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#7
Oct 30, 2003, 11:21 PM
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I wish I knew what to tell you. The best you can do is to take care of yourself, and be there for her, and you can suggest but it won't do any good until she is willing to work on it. I hope that she will be soon.
<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>
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“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg
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#8
Oct 31, 2003, 12:03 PM
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I don't know what is the name of the meds she takes but it worked so far- but you know how it is no meds work 100% ... and now she's going through this really tough time and they don't really help...
I'm there for her and i love her and i remind her of that all the time ...i'm looking for good psychologists now to consult with and maybe one of them will be able to convince her to meet with him and accept help... Thanks for the comments guys... Alex
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