[Lexicon78]

Just when I think everything is going well and I think I can move on and be myself with my friends...I am shot down! I had one of my friends over today and my bf had never met her...he's just heard about her. Well, we were talking and I said to my friend, who is a lesbian, that my pdoc was very good looking. Well, my bf flipped out that I said that and hasn't spoken to me since. To me it was just everyday conversation to my friend, but I guess to my bf it's like I'm cheating on him. He says he will try to calm down on freaking out about such things...that was two weeks ago...but now, I know he has not tried to do anything on his part...and I feel trapped again.

I am now wearing my pride necklace, which makes me feel good. My bf is laying on the couch giving me the silent treatment as we speak. I asked him earlier if he was mad at me...he said no. I then asked him if he was gonna talk to me...he said nothing. He just did this little laugh/grunt that he does when the answer is no, I'm not speaking to you.

I'm so sick of this crap! It's like every two weeks we are fighting over the same context...women. So what if I'm attracted to women...it's not like I'm gonna go out, cheat on him, and be with women. I'm with him, not them! I've chosen him! I really don't know what to do anymore...I can't afford to live on my own...and I really can't afford it this month since I'm only getting $200 this month...and the rent alone is $360! I don't know what I'm gonna do!

[LMo]

Lexicon -- You can't change him. You can only decide how much you're willing to put up with. Can you start looking for another roommate?

Irrational jealousy is a showstopper in my book. It's actually on my list of Top 5 showstoppers (yes, I made a list when I got divorced, to keep me on-task)

[dottie]

Lexicon...I am not too sure if this guy is right for you. Have you thought about that?

[Lexicon78]

Yes, I've thought about that so many times before. I know he's not right for me...I just am so darn afraid to be alone and can't make it without him...he says he's so in love with me and everything...I just can't let that go. But I don't want to suffer like this anymore, either.

Oh, what to do, what to do...

[LMo]

possession and love are entirely different things...

[Lexicon78]

is this being possessive then? I can't tell. I'm usually the possessive one...geez...I guess I'm in a bad place...like when he does this he's always threatening to go back to his mom or dad...always threatening to leave me...I just hate it anymore.

[dottie]

When he says he'll go home to Mommy and Daddy. Say Ok...don't let the door slam ya in the *Bleep* See what he actually does. You cannot have him controling and using ya like this. His attitude just fuels my fire!

If you were one of my daughters I'd be worried sick about ya. Do your parents like him? You need a Plan B just in case this dissolves.

Take care of yourself!!

[LMo]

I think it's definitely possessive. At the very least, it's manipulative and he's revealing his insecurity by sulking about a (most innocuous) remark you made to a friend or you wearing a Pride necklace. From your description, it sounds to me as though he's trying to manipulate you into giving him more attention. He probably doesn't realize he's doing it -- maybe it's an ingrained habit by now -- but manipulative it is.

And there is no rule that states that only ONE person in a relationship can be possessive. Maybe you both are. Either way, it's not a healthy way to function in a relationship.

[hillbunnyb]

Hey Lex, I couldn't live with Mr Bad Vibes. I thought it was the girl who was supposed to threaten to go home to Mommy..?? Anyhow, I just wanted to add, so many poeple need housing these days, I can't imagine you would have trouble finding someone, more compatible, pretty quickly.
Could you start asking around your circle of friends and relatives, to see if anybody knows anybody who needs a place to live?? Get a feel for more options. You deserve a safe home. PS if I had to guess, I'd guess he's afraid of something in himself that he doesn't want to look at, so he dumps on you. Yukkorama

[tracylee]

Not only is he trying to own you but it sounds like he is using emotional black mail by threatening to go home to 'mummy'. I'd say ok mate, I'll even help you pack. Its that awful feeling of insecurity when comments like that are made. I have vowed to myself that i will never ever be owned or 'blackmailed' again!! It made me feel a whole lot better about me, made me realise that i am stronger than i thought i was. It also made me realise i dont 'need' anyone, i just want to have some one in my life to share the silly and precious things with!! Good luck and chin up!! Huggles and smoochas to you!

[curley]

Some men really feel insecure about their wife or g/f being attracted to the same sex, because they have not idea how to compete with that. But I also think that anyone should beable to voice their opinion about someone they feel is attractive. Maybe you could have mentioned it to him first! But if you are continually telling him about other people you think are hot or good looking, maybe he is feeling insecure. If it is a constant behavior you could understand that insecurity. But asking him if he is mad, you know he is, maybe you could ask him what you can do! I say you, but I mean you as a couple! I would ask him straight out, without being angry. "Why does it bother you so much if I say someone is attractive or pretty or handsome, or whatever"? If you talk about it calmly without sarcasism or anger, maybe the two of you will understand each other better and deal with this problem.