Lately, we've had all kinds of little firestorms concerning situations where some believe that we're being played, some believe that someone really does need support and some believe that others just want some advice.

As one who is here on a daily basis and reads most of the posts in my forums, I have some concerns to write about.

It is a given that there will be trolls. Trolls are people who go around the internet to various forums and post bogus tales and then sit back and giggle and rub their hands together in glee, while the supportive posters go crazy trying to help them. It is also a given that there are people who are addicted to internet attention. They will go to great lengths to keep a thread going and to keep the comments rolling in.

It is also a given that people come here who are hurting and have no answers and need some help immediately. As ordinary human beings, without degrees in psychology, etc., it is hard to discern who is who at times. Frustration and hurt can set in, especially when it starts to feel as if you are being played. It has happened here many times and it will happen again.

For the good people who log-in here daily and really go about being supportive and lending a hand to almost everyone that logs on, I offer my deepest gratitude. I've always received glorious help, when I asked for it. I try to return that help ten-fold.

Logging in here everyday and then working for a couple of hours(or a lot more), trying to help someone can be rewarding and it can be frustrating. It is impossible to know if someone is real online. But there are many people who do jump right in and offer what they have, to help. To you people who do this and really lean into the pain, thank you! It's a hard job , but we have to do it!
xoxoxo pat

[ozzie]

Good post Pat. I also commend those of us who come here everyday looking to help others and sometimes receive some support as well.

[wi_fighter]

Another thought on this, ozzie and W1, is that I see several threads where people are bemoaning the fact that one thread gets 33 replies and theirs only get 3. People respond differently at different times. Maybe I haven't been really active and my post gets overlooked. If I haven't been very supportive, then my name isn't out there and some people don't know who the ---- i am. So, I feel that a lot of this support business is completely tied into "you get what you give".....so, always jump in..even if it is just three words or three hugs. Believe me, it will help you, me and everyone else. xoxoxo pat

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((pat)))))))))))))

i think your post says alot. we can't determine every person, post, situation, etc. we can only go by what our eyes, minds and hearts tell us, and support what we can and when we can.

it really CAN be a job! others times it's a pleasure. yet other times, it can be healing. we all come here for our various reasons. some can only give little, some can give alot. some can take very little, some can take alot. some can share a little. some can share alot. most of us fall into something here. that's the beauty of it!

there have been times when i didn't know what i was going to do. i couldn't make a decision or stop crying or whatever. there has always been SOMEONE to lend their eyes and fingers for me.

there will always be issues, disagreements, etc. we're a large community! but what sticks out at the end of the day? the support and understanding, given AND taken, that can be found here on a general basis.

what a blessing that's been to me.

kd

[CatWhispers]

I'm very new to the boards here, just a few days, and yes, I noticed that i wasn't getting as many responses as I would have hoped for. But I also understand what fayerody said, know that there may be some who are suspect because of the nature of the bords, and I know that if i am here in good faith, and share, eventually trust will grow.

I also try to remember that as I am here with issues, so are you all who are regulars. If I ask for tolerance, I believe I should also offer tolerance. At least I try.

A number of years ago I was approached in chat by someone who didn't express themselves that well, and i thought it was someone who was just playing games. Something told me to stick with it. Turned out it was on the up and up, and was a 12-year-old girl who had been raped by her uncle. I spent days talking with her on-line, got her to tell her mother, who had the creep arrested. It also lead to her helping another kid in her school who had the same situation.

You really never know.

But i will say one thing. Even if you get suckered in by someone who is playing games, after you cared and gave your advice freely, don't necessarily feel badly.

You never know if somone with the same problem who was afraid to post read what you posted and it helped them.

I believe things happen for a reason.

Hope I'm not overstepping my newness responding to this. Guess i wanted to let you know that there are new people who are here for the right reasons. You're here doing good, so if you can, try not to let the idiots get to you.

In their own ignorant, roundabout way, they might have actually helped someone. Wouldn't that be the best revenge:

[CatWhispers]

One additional thought ...

Many, many years ago, too many I fear, in the dawn of chat, I served some time as a moderator/chat police. And I discovered one thing....

What kept the troublemakers going was their ability to upset people. That's what they were looking for. That's what made them sit back and laugh.

I got a reputation for being one of the few who could really handle them. In fact, many of the worst troublemakers ended up following me around the rooms, helping me get rid of other troublemakers.

How? When they started, I would laugh at what they did or said, and make jokes in response to what they said, and always got the room laughing instead of being upset or indignant. It totally disarmed them, and they left. It's no fun if people are laughing at you.

For what it's worth....

[wi_fighter]

Wow, CatWhispers, that's a great take on it. Thanks for the added info.

[ozzie]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
You never know if somone with the same problem who was afraid to post read what you posted and it helped them.


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I think this statement is so very true. I don't know how many times members that I didn't know pm'd me and told me how much they appreciated my posts. Lots of people read the forums. Hopefully after a while, some of them will like what they read here and decide to join.

I agree that we need not feel bad about posting to anyone because there is always someone out there who benefited by what we said. Great point you made CatWhispers.

[Greenleaves]

Are you guys talking about me? I'm not a troll. Trolls don't get hurt when people tell them they've been hurt.

Troll don't give out their real e-mail addresses and names to people. I do. I'm not a troll. I'm sorry I don't have social skills.

CatWhiskers, no one is too new to contribute. you did it beautifully!!

[CatWhispers]

Thanks for responding the way you did. I"m always afraid I'm butting in where I shouldn't.

Posting this and reading your responses reminded me of one incident I thought might give you all a little laugh.

I had one kid once who was all over the chat boards being rude, obscene, really bad. I had had a bad day, and just wasn't in the mood to be diplomatic.

I pm'd him and said, "I know you're a kid. Stop bothering everyone or I'll throw you off line. Go do your homework."

His answer was, "F.... you."

I said, "Perfect,. Your Biology homework.:"

He thought that was the funniest thing he ever heard, and then I was able to reason with him and he stopped causing trouble. And every time I saw him around, he would make a point of telling me he was doing his homework. lol

[CatWhispers]

Dennis,

I love this. I can definitely relate!


“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you’re a vegetarian.”

[SpazKatt]

I think this is an excellent post thanks everyone for contributing

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((((((((Pat)))))))))))))))))))))))

I think this is an excellent post and I thank you for posting it. I agree with pretty much all that you have said.

Huggles,


Jen

I was played and manipulated most of my life.

Now I have a hard time trusting people and I try not to get too close.

I will let my guard down, but usually I'm on high alert.

It's a crappy way to be, but a must for safety and survival.

Petunia

[seeker1950]

This is a great thread...thanks for the topic, Faye.
I, for one, don't think of Greenleaves as a troll! Just dismiss that thought, Green.
I just got verbally lashed on a women's forum for asking a simple question. I've resigned my membership there. The difference in that forum (and others like it), and this forum here is that there is compassion and empathy....real caring shown in responses. I have been very fortunate here to have received genuine help, and now I'm so well and happy. I guess we DO have to be on guard for troublemakers, and try to discern who is genuine and who is not.
Seeker

What I posted was a "general" post about our forums. I DID NOT call greensleaves a troll. end of story. we've had trolls, but i doubt we have any now.

[gardenergirl]

I can't speak for Seeker1950, but in reading her post, I don't see where anyone said you said GL was a troll. I think GL asked that on her own.

gg

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

PAT AWESOME POST.....There are also some who no matter if 55 replies are made all agreeing on what they may need to do...they still won't /can't /whatever do what they need to do..that can kind of dead end it.

YOU ROCK PAT ..Dont let some people make you think you said something you did not....Let those who's feet fit the shoes..wear them

[seeker1950]

Yes, Garden...I was just responding to Greenleave's statement asking if we thought she was a troll.
I think Faye did a good thing bringing up this subject, not referring to anyone in particular.
Seeker

[misty]

so catwhispers was honest and up front but it could have been taken by others not very supportive. I could be considered a troll cuz of how much I come and go but it is nothing but assumption wouldn't you say? This post on another day would scare me away thinking oh crap (nice words) I've blown it agin. So who's playing games, who's troll's or what ever you want to give a name to I'd be careful.

[(JD)]

mmmmm fayerody said the "t" word rofl

[NICO]

alot of you guys obviously dont suffer with paranoia.

[NICO]

thats proberbly why not many people respond to me, because they percieve me as a troll. i cant take this place anymore its an even bigger mindfield than the real world. i think this post is really insensitive because it just feeds paranoia.