Support/Advice/Game Playing

i had no idea that starting this thread would result in so many replies. thanks.

there have been many times, on here, when the same person comes on and repeats the problems that he/she has and then completely ignores the help that people take the time to offer. a great thing about this site is the IGNORE button. i find that i don't feel any stress when i see the poster's name. i genuinely wanted to help this poster and it was very, very stressful to see the same pattern over and over and over and over. now, i don't know what the problem is....i can't read the posts. the IGNORE button is a very powerful and comforting tool. xoxox pat

Ive revived this to vent. Why is it that some assume what they are doing in T is so much more advanced than everyone else. Why would someone say that everyone else is hiding from their problems while they themselves are so much more advanced. Why would someone say that people who write in a certain way, or who post in a certain way are somehow less capable of dealing with thier issues. Why would a person continually refer to how advanced they were in their theraputic process and how backward everyone else is. Would a person not know that this is hurtful and somehow lessens the struggles that others have? Would a person not realise that they are pointing fingers, in a place where we should all be able to behave how we want (as long as we dont harm others). Is this not a place to just be? A place to express all aspects of ourselves without fear of condemnation?

Can my process not be as valuable as thiers? Can my feelings not be as important as theirs? Can my journey to recovery not be as profound as theirs?

It feels like its game playing and finger pointing and its not helpful.

Audrey

This person you are referring to sounds like a narcissist. If that's the case then they won't get it.

Would a person not know that this is hurtful and somehow lessens the struggles that others have?

If a person continues to post negatively with no regard for others, then they probably don't care if they cause harm, as long as they get to feel superior.

Can my feelings not be as important as theirs?

You are a compassionate, intelligent person who is entitled to own whatever feelings you have. That's what's important. That you can feel and empathize with others is a gift.

Narcisissistic Personality Disorder is defined by the American Psychiatric Association as the following: A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

(4) requires excessive admiration

(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes

Petunia,

Your post has made some real sense. If a person does not have the capacity for compassion or empathy then they cannot recognise what is going on for others and that another peoples struggles are just as valid.

I suppose a person like that would feel that thier interpretation of events is THE only interpretation of events.

It feels to me that it is crucial to be open to all ways of being. It feels crucial to be able to accept that one person needs this and another needs that. Noone is right and noone is wrong. We are all different and the real development comes when we can accept everyone without pointing fingers.

Its like if a person is afraid. Well some may need to sit down and write what it is they are afraid of, others may need to visualise a place that it is safe to be afraid in, but what ever the need, both are dealing with the feelings of fear, its just that they come from different angles.

I really feel its imprortant to allow everyone to move forward in their own way and have to say that what is good for one may not be good for another. The world is a big place dont you think and we all travel a different road.

Thank you for your reply Petunia. It has really made something clear for me and I will conserve my energy for healing in a way that feels right for me.

As always petunia, you hit the nail on the head.

Audrey

Just a gentle reminder to all...

While it's okay to talk in general about groups of people (e.g., "trolls") or the like, trying to diagnose a specific person or member is not going to be seen as very supportive by that member (if they recognize themselves) or by others (who might also recognize themselves, but the post is not directed at them).

In other words, let's try and stay away from talking about specific people by suggesting they might have some XYZ disorder or diagnosis.

Thank you!
DocJohn

it's a given that some people feel superior to others. that's human nature. but on a support forum, knocking someone else because they aren't as "advanced" as you are, is ridiculous..just ridiculous. that's the only way i know to say it. every one of us is gifted in one way or the other. but flaunting it isn't being supportive.

we come here for help and to help. the 12th step of AA says that part of the process of becoming whole is to help others. i know that i am at my best when i offer support and care. perhaps if we worked on getting out of our heads and into our hearts, we could truly offer support. xoxox pat

atg

also, knocking someone because they might know more than another or yourself, in a certain area is also not very supportive. How could someone prevent intelligence? I think sometimes ppl forget that noone would be suffering if they could have prevented the way they are right now... like it's a choice or something. It's easy to get caught up in the moment of another's "crisis" posting... when what we all need is level headed support.. if nothing else.. first, do no harm.

hope I say this right, in accepting ourselves we can accept others
Angie

Doc John -

great point . These posts could very well be about me because there are simularities from what has been going on the past week. For example I do refer to my therapy process as advanced and that I am at an avanced level. I have been told by two of my therapists that the work I am doing IS advanced, and that the other DID's on their case load don't do the work that I do and in three years of therapy I have basically "advanced 10 years in three years time where DID therapy work is concerned." No where do I say I am special or better then another. But I also dont stay stuck at other peoples level if I am not at that level. Nowhere in my posts did I put down the hiding and creating games that others play here. What I did say was the truth that"I" don't need to play those games because I do those things in reality instead of in my imagination. I do post my research and therapy programs as to how they fit for me and that naturally leads to people asking me questions so I answer those questions. But no where do I say anyone here has to fit into what I answer. That person who is asking can take or leave my answers as can the people reading my answers

All these and more I could "read" into on these recent posts and take it personally, but I am not going to. and heres why

There are people here that have been pming me thanking me for being honest about my research, therapy and personal points of view, and that they feel the same way I do.

I have also recieved pm's asking for more information and telling me "how helpful" and "caring" I am, from some of those same people who are slamming MY opinions and therapy and research on the boards.

So I know from the actions and words of other members here that these posts here aren't specifically about me.

Otherwise people wouldn't be pming me with questions, asking for more information and thanking me for posting the way I am and telling me how caring and supportive I am.

Take care.

if you are going to pass judgement on one person atleast do it personally (sorry this kinda stuff messes with the paranoia).passing judgement over the internet is especially hard as is trust.as jesus said (i am not a christian, i just like him as a human being)'him without sin cast the first stone'. none of us are perfect so mabe we are not fit to judge others openly atleast.by all means share how we percieve each other if we think it may benifit, but there are more sensitive ways of doing this.

Hmmm, just saw this tonight for the first time. It makes a lot of noise in my head. The noise will not be organized, sorry.

How many people told me to leave my job as it was making me ill and I felt I HAD to continue doing the job?

I was not ignoring advice or trying to get attention, I was and always am sincere.

I told my T the other day in a joking fashion; (how come you didn't tell me to leave my job)? Her response was finny as she told me I always prohibited that from being an option

Next, the support we give others. I have felt guilty and sad as of late because ZI don't have a lot to give. I am able to see that my body and mind are relaxing after quitting my job but I am not very able to give a lot to this community.

I am not usually self centered. Probably what has led me to where I am. However, I do care about everyone on here. I don't have anything to say mostly and I can't cyber hug. You all have been here for me and I want to be there for you. But that said, I am on a journey and this new part says I must first and foremost look at my world, my life, my problems, ny pain. I have struggled greatly as I have left my clients abandoned by me when I left.

I struggle with that here. I care, I read, I see. I am concerned and loving and wish life could be a bit easier. Please lets all be on the same page. We are a community trying to value and assist one another.