[cutebagaddict08]

Feels like I am losing my best friend:

I feel like I am losing my best friend again. We've been close for a few years, I was the 'Maid of Honor' at her wedding a few months ago. During the planning of her wedding, she became a completely different person. To the point her mother wasn't talking to her because, my friend was being very snotty and mean. (I got a long note from her mother basically apologizing for the way her daughter was treating me and the other bridesmaids, her mother was very upset and didn't know what else to do. ) I finally was able to talk to my friend, and we worked through the issues. We both deal with anxiety issues, and have been support systems for eachother through out the past year or so.
Within the past month or so, she's starting to change again. Basically I feel like I am re-living how she acted a few months ago. I haven't heard from her on the phone in weeks. She's sent me a few 'fake' emails, acting all friendly in the email. At first I thought she was going through a tough time (which is what caused her last time to not act like her self), I was so concerned about her and told her this, but she completely denied it and kept saying that she is fine and our friendship is fine. She's always been supportive and the one friend I could call if I needed to vent or she would call me to vent. So, I put it out of my mind....but then since that talk, about a month ago, I've barely heard from her. She knows I'm going through some stressful stuff now, and the other stuff she doesn't know about because she hasn't taken the time out to ask. I'm getting to the point,I'm really upset. My husband and I are having a summer party, the party we have every year, and I got her email today that she's not coming, I started to cry. I don't know why, but this is really upsetting me. I feel like I have lost my best friend. I don't know what to do.

[mokie]

Originally Posted by cutebagaddict08

Feels like I am losing my best friend:

I feel like I am losing my best friend again. We've been close for a few years, I was the 'Maid of Honor' at her wedding a few months ago. During the planning of her wedding, she became a completely different person. To the point her mother wasn't talking to her because, my friend was being very snotty and mean. (I got a long note from her mother basically apologizing for the way her daughter was treating me and the other bridesmaids, her mother was very upset and didn't know what else to do. ) I finally was able to talk to my friend, and we worked through the issues. We both deal with anxiety issues, and have been support systems for eachother through out the past year or so.
Within the past month or so, she's starting to change again. Basically I feel like I am re-living how she acted a few months ago. I haven't heard from her on the phone in weeks. She's sent me a few 'fake' emails, acting all friendly in the email. At first I thought she was going through a tough time (which is what caused her last time to not act like her self), I was so concerned about her and told her this, but she completely denied it and kept saying that she is fine and our friendship is fine. She's always been supportive and the one friend I could call if I needed to vent or she would call me to vent. So, I put it out of my mind....but then since that talk, about a month ago, I've barely heard from her. She knows I'm going through some stressful stuff now, and the other stuff she doesn't know about because she hasn't taken the time out to ask. I'm getting to the point,I'm really upset. My husband and I are having a summer party, the party we have every year, and I got her email today that she's not coming, I started to cry. I don't know why, but this is really upsetting me. I feel like I have lost my best friend. I don't know what to do.

Sorry you feel this way. It could be that she is now married and has a different life. Not that she don't want to be in yours but that she has her husband now. Usually when my friend gets a girlfriend she starts to not talk like before. Then when she breaks off her relationship she is back to her old self. I know it hurts. It hurts me too but some times others who have. Just gotten married at first find it hard to know how to manage their time with their husband and friend. Just give her time and I would just be honest to her about how you feel. She may not realize how you feel and that she is causing you to be hurt. So talk to her in person and clear the air. After that you can can see how things work out.

[cutebagaddict08]

I've tried talking to her on the phone (We had made plans in advance to meet for lunch and she emailed me bailing on them. She didn't even bother to call me, so if I didn't check my email, I wouldn't have known.) about how I was hurt that I felt blown off by her, since I hadn't heard from her in a few weeks and that she didn't even call me to tell me she needed to cancel plans. She basically made up excuses and told me that she has been always there for me and that she basically deserves slack for 'forgetting' about me. She never said 'oh I'm sorry I forgot about your so-so, things have been hectic for me.'-if she said something like that I would have understood. But she didn't.

[Direction]

That kind of sucks...I know you are angry and feel wronged in several ways...and you have a right to be...

I agree with mokie...

And I agree with your friend...she's gone through what is probably some really stressful time...I would let her have some time to adjust to all this...get her footing...be patient with her...

[cutebagaddict08]

Thanks for your replies! I guess I'm just very hurt that my friend is pushing me away and I don't know why. I've tried reaching out to her and have made it known that I am here if she needs to talk or to let me know if she needs time to herself.
The people in my life who know what is going on, my husband and my mom mainly , have all told me that I need to let her go if she is going to make me this upset and stressed out. I have been going through some medical stuff in the past year or so and my mom is like 'you can't surround yourself with people who are going to make you stressed out and feel horrible' then you are not going to heal.
It's just hard for me to deal with, I think the only way I am going get some peace, is if I keep my distance and deal with stuff on my own plate. It's just hard.

Originally Posted by Direction

That kind of sucks...I know you are angry and feel wronged in several ways...and you have a right to be...

I agree with mokie...

And I agree with your friend...she's gone through what is probably some really stressful time...I would let her have some time to adjust to all this...get her footing...be patient with her...

[mokie]

It is hard to distance yourself from a good friend. If you are through medical problems yourself its best you take care of yourself first. I had to let go of a close friend before but I still will be here if she ever needs me. You are such a great person for trying your best to be there. Give her space she may came back. If she does not she lost a great friend.

[DivorcedWoman]

I'm so sorry you are going through this tough time. It is truly hard to have a friendship that close change so much. I went through such a transition with two girlfriends of mine this year. They had been friends for 15 years. I went through a horrible divorce and custody battle and they were "there" for me in some ways but eventually it appeared that they chose to spend more time with my ex-husband than me. Yes, I also cried a lot over this transition and loss of a close firendship. I didn't feel safe that I could share personal stuff without it getting back to my ex. I did reach out to them and share my feelings that I couldn't talk to them the way I used to giving examples of how I came to that conclusion. So much more to the story, but I don't want to go off too much here. I didn't close the door on the friendship but they are not in my inner circle anymore. Hope that helped a little.