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#1
Jun 18, 2011, 06:57 PM
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Hello everyone i'm posting this because i'm still a loner. Very difficult to make friends and dating it's impossible. The problem is that i spend weekends at my home watching movies and that's it. I can't go to places, i'm afraid to start a conversation with anyone due that are places that i don't normally go. Yeah i know you'll tell me to look for volunteer work so i can't socialize with people. Well forget it. Where i come from there's no such thing as that. Join a club? Yeah great idea but where i come from there are no clubs. Online dating? No thanks that's a waste of time and money. So there you have it my loner life is so badly boring that i'm considering to quit my cell phone service due that i don't have no friends to call ans so why i'm paying monthly bills? is there a way and i mean a way to end this cancer i'm suffering i mean ending this problem i'm still suffering since my childhood years? being a loner is awfful but living it is hell.
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#2
Jun 18, 2011, 09:49 PM
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Are you seeing a therapist to explore your loneliness?
I am very much like you. I spend weekends inside and alone. I am in therapy and lately the loneliness is causing more pain than ever, yet I feel unable to do what I need to do: the only way to alleviate being alone is to not be alone. I look out my window and I feel like there is no place 'out there' for me. But now at least I have shifted from not wanting to be able to go and meet people, to wanting to. I keep looking for a group of some kind - book club, class, etc. that I would be able to do and would hope to make a friend or two by doing. |
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#3
Jun 18, 2011, 11:04 PM
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I am a loner by choice. But I hear you saying you would rather not be a loner.
Do you like animals? Perhaps a dog or a cat would help you.
__________________
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. anonymous |
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#4
Jun 19, 2011, 05:08 AM
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besides going to work i too stay home during the weekend and watch movie. let me ask you this are you a gamer? because i sometimes play games online that are free and sometime i meet people on there and be friends with them you don't know how they really look like and they don't know you but you can join them in a party and go adventuring online with them with out ever leaving your home. you can find free game online line for your computer or if you have like a ps3 you can buy games that plays online with other people. i mostly play modern warfare 2 there are some nice people you can meet and you can ask them to add you as a friend so that the next time you sign on and you see them online you can join them in their games if there's any room for you to join them. good luck
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Im only human |
 SoupDragon
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#5
Jun 19, 2011, 06:20 AM
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Quote:
You are able to come up with lots of obstacles to meeting / talking to people, I wonder what the biggest one is for you? Also don't forget there is always someone on here that you can chat to. 
__________________
Soup |
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#6
Jun 19, 2011, 06:54 AM
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I dont have any advice, but I do totally relate with how you are feeling. I go to work, so I do mix with people during the week, but the weekends are the hardest. When I wake up at the weekend my heart sinks and the emptiness is overwhelming. I dread waking up at the weekends. I dont have any interests, dont know what I do or dont like, I hate going out because I'm paranoid that people look at me and I hate the way I look. I want to hide in my flat but the emptiness and loneliness is so overwhelming. Many times I think o fending my life because the loneliness is so great
__________________
Take a good look at my face You'll see my smile looks out of place If you look closer, it's easy to trace The tracks of my tears.. I need you, need you- Smokey Robinson |
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#7
Jun 19, 2011, 08:50 AM
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#8
Jun 19, 2011, 09:28 PM
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google "meetup". it's a social network of clubs/groups of just about any activity you can think of. Book clubs, hiking, biking, cooking, politics, stamp collecting or just socializing... you name it, I'd bet there is a group near you. Or you can even start your own. Another idea is to take a class at your local community college. I am on the introverted side so I know how you feel. It is hard for me to initiate going out and meeting people. I hate the initial period of small take and getting a friendship off the ground. I usually have a few close, meaningful friendships that took me a while to cultivate. Having a lot of acquaintances often seems pointless to me. But it is just like dating. The more people you come in contact with, the more chances you have to make friends. If you target groups of people who have the same interests as you, it will motivate you and you automatically have something in common to talk about. Once you do, you will find it becomes easier. Many, many people are just like you out there. Don't feel you are weird because you feel this way. Good luck.
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#9
Jun 20, 2011, 05:20 PM
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What sort of area are you living in? Way out in the country with no one else around? Are you near a university? Is there a hospital or nursing home or a library near you? A museum? A university is a good place to attend all sorts of performances (and strike up conversations with people), and the other places I mention often can use volunteers. If you are way out in the country, the 4-H clubs use volunteers, too, I believe (I mean in the US). There could very well be clubs in your area, that you don't know about. Have you tried doing a computer search on your area and the word "club" or "organization" just to see what pops up? I think your situation needs more brainstorming.
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#10
Jun 20, 2011, 10:34 PM
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My husband is a loner. I used to be one in high school. Basically because I didn't want my stepmom to criticize the people I hung out with. Now that I am older. Before I met my husband I was quite active, going out with my friends and then it got to the point that I just wanted to have someone to love me and keep me safe and understood me. That is what my husband was to me. I thought he was my best friend, we talked all the time, did things together. But for the last few years he has been distant toward me and has no priorities toward his family. Like he wants to always have the biggest motor for a project or something else he has an excuse to spend money on. He is always starting up a good habit, like keeping track of bills on Quicken or something like that. Then he starts slacking and everything seems to fall apart. When I ask him how things are. He doesn't always tell me the truth. Family means the world to me and so does my friends. But since we have been together I haven't spent much time with my family in another state or even the ones that live in the same state as me. We have been together for 10 years about. No kids because we haven't been able to be so lucky. We have cats. I take care of them, as well as everything in the house. I know I am rambling but I am so frustrated right now. I don't know why he seems to think it is alright to not tell me everything, when things are going right. Because in the end one of my family members ends up getting us out of the mess. I am thinking of leaving him. But don't have the funds yet to do so. Have gone so far as to look into apartments that will take cats. Once I have a job and transfer all my credits to the different town if I am still unhappy in the relationship I am out of here.
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#11
Jul 03, 2011, 05:24 PM
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After a couple of weeks no progress. When you get older life becomes boring and less interesting. Life sucks as we know it.
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#12
Jul 04, 2011, 10:29 PM
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I had issues like that for 20 of my 30 years and it was BAD! I have family I do stuff with so I wasnt technically I loner. Here is what kept me back and here`s what helped me move forwards. Hopefully it`ll help you. First what kept me back was the way I felt about myself. I didn`t think I was good enough, pretty enough, smart enough etc. I had a cripling belief that no one liked me I think because I didn`t like myself. I guess a little case of self hatred. But fastforward to age 26 when I went away to school out of state. I knew I`d have a sucky lonely life in college if I didn`t speak to people. So I worked up my courage talked to people, smiled at people, showed I cared about people, kept in touch with people. It was a little easier for me because People reached out to me too and it helped me want to reach back. It was a very hard process but I got the hang of it. Of course there are people now in my hometown (a small town) who I`ve reached out to but they didn`t ever have time for me. But I feel like the college friends I made are open social people who value me I never had that in my home town. By the way I went to college in NYC where anyone I mean ANYONE can find somewhere to fit in. Take it from me a women from a Podunck smalltown USA! All it takes to make friends is a spark of a belief that you have something to offer and perseverance and cutting through rejections to find truely caring frindss good luck
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