[lookn4help2]

My wife and I have been married 5 years. We had a pretty good sexual relationship until she got pregnanat with our second child. That was 2 years into the marriage. It's been more than three years since we had sex. She seems to avoid it. I tried to talk about it. She thinks their's no issue to discuss. I do have a sexual desire for her, but she no longer seems to have any towards me. She has become so modest towards me, that she no longer even shows herself to me, even in her underwear. It wasn't like this for the forst three years of our relationship. I can't seem to discuss it. It seems to be taboo to her. I love my wife very much. There is no infidelity to speak of, and I am very very loyal to her, and the our marriage. It is starting to depress me. I feel down and discouraged. Her friends freely talk about sex in their marriage, and there is outward signs of affection in their marriages. I thought that she might see the obvious, since there is no affection anymore in our marriage either. Not even kissing and hugging. I feel hurt.

[SoupDragon]

I believe that post natal depression can last a long time, so there may be a medical reason for this. But also as a mother of 2 young children myself, it can be absolutely exhausting and maybe she is really tired. Bodies can also change after childbirth and some women may feel less desirable - but I guess we can wonder at all sorts of reasons why your wife may be feeling like this.

Great that you say you love her very much and are loyal to her - I wonder how you spoke to her about this difficulty? Is she aware of the fact that you say you love her and do desire her? Would she consider counselling with you?

Sorry to hear that you are feeling hurt by the situation - there may be others on her who can give you advice. SD

[Perna]

That's difficult when another person close to us won't even discuss what is important to us.

Have you asked for hugs/kisses or tried to initiate only those? My DH and I have a lot of "play" in our marriage that includes my standing on a step (any/every :-) so I'll be the "right" height for a really good hug. When one of us sees a step (even sometimes out in public) we'll often alert the other with a cry of, "Assume the position!" My husband has a painful foot and I massage it many nights while he reads aloud to me from a book of my choosing. I always go to him for a "bottom pat" before going up to bed.

See if you can offer a back rub or some "comforting" physical touch and gradually get back some of the physical connection between the two of you without involving "sex"? Just getting that connection going again can help other connections (conversation!) and move you in the direction you want to go.

Have you suggested couples therapy and told her in no uncertain terms that you are feeling sad about lack of physical touch from her?

[Mediator]

It is really nice to hear that the man as you exist that you are loyal to your wife despite you do not have sex. I really appreciated.

I am sorry that you feel hurt. How to buy to her flowers or favour chocolate or bracelet (I do not know what she prefers) and to do something what you do not do usually in your house, take children for walk. After tell her how much you love her and that you appreciate what she is doing for you (I suppose she look after your children) and do not to mention that you are missing kissing or sex.

[AvidReader]

I have to sort of repeat what SoupDragon said: that your wife, as the mother of two young children, might be either (a) physically worn out and/or (b) just feel crappy about her body. As a mom of three children, two of whom were born within one year of each other, I can attest to this. IMO there is nothing that can make a woman feel LESS sexy than trying to lose the post-baby weight, changing diapers and wiping up spilled juice all day, never really getting enough sleep, and feeling like everything you wear is stained with milk or formula! I don't know your wife's particular situation, of course (e.g., whether she's at home with the kids or working a full-time job), so I'm just speculating here. I know that in my own situation as a wife I, too, got so self-conscious in front of my husband that I started changing clothes in the bathroom with the door shut!

Also as SoupDragon mentioned, postpartum depression could be playing a role.

You sound like a caring husband. I wish you the best.

[protector1973]

shes neglecting your needs, seriuos problem, i suggest trying lots of foreplay, like doing lots of things together and enjoying eachothers compny, build up the relationship again. untill shes ready. otherwise threapy.

[Starvin4Perfection]

Originally Posted by lookn4help2

My wife and I have been married 5 years. We had a pretty good sexual relationship until she got pregnanat with our second child. That was 2 years into the marriage. It's been more than three years since we had sex. She seems to avoid it. I tried to talk about it. She thinks their's no issue to discuss. I do have a sexual desire for her, but she no longer seems to have any towards me. She has become so modest towards me, that she no longer even shows herself to me, even in her underwear. It wasn't like this for the forst three years of our relationship. I can't seem to discuss it. It seems to be taboo to her. I love my wife very much. There is no infidelity to speak of, and I am very very loyal to her, and the our marriage. It is starting to depress me. I feel down and discouraged. Her friends freely talk about sex in their marriage, and there is outward signs of affection in their marriages. I thought that she might see the obvious, since there is no affection anymore in our marriage either. Not even kissing and hugging. I feel hurt.

Lookn4help2,

Man, I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. How is your relationship outside of the intimate aspect of it? Do you get along and communicate well? Three years and nothing... she's not acting distant or questionable to you? Maybe it is postpartum depression though; I've never had kids so I'm not sure how that works. I do hope you can talk to her and resolve it though.

[my3sns]

((((lookn4help2)))) I really feel for you .. i know sex isnt everything , but it can be important in a relationship. So many of the others have said most of what i would have said too.. just wanted to tell you that im thinking of you

[eskielover]

There is no infidelity to speak of,

Sounds like there is something going on here that isn't being spoken about however.

Before I got married, I specified that I didn't want any children....turned our I couldn't take the pill....we ended up having our daughter.....I was going to make sure that no "oops" would ever happen again & my ob said having my tubes tied from his experience would usually end up with the woman needing a hystorectomy later on. I wanted NOTHING to do with my husband from that point on. I didn't realize it at the time, but the conflicts we had before we were married were the things also that made me really NOT LOVE HIM from the time we were married.

Know that couples therapy would have helped & maybe I wouldn't have just stuck around for 33 years before finally leaving......

There is definitely something wrong in your marriage.....it's important to go to counseling to at least get the problem out in the open.

Just wondering if what you aren't speaking about in regards to any infidelity might be something that may be causing a problem. There can be issues with porn & other things that could cause your wife to have feelings that she isn't able to put into words....but comes out in a distance between you.......have no idea what might be hidden within the walls of your marriage.....but the distance your wife is showing is definitely CAUSED by something including the possibility that was previously mentioned (untreated post partum depression).

Only good therapy can help pull the issues out in the open & get them resolved.

[rubyindie]

try writing her a letter how you feel, what you are assuming might be her problem, your willingness to listen, be nonjudgemental , and go to any extent to relive her of that which occupies her mind and just plain show her in small things daily that you are there to help or get help for her, not making her guilty or pointing out that you are helping her. help out with household and maybe either child might be having issues that flabbergasts her silently!. all the best
talk, listen, talk listen.....