I Have A New Girlfriend But Am I Making the Right Choice?

Hi. Some of you might remember me from my previous thread ‘Should I Try’ and if you don’t I will post the link at the bottom of this thread so my life makes more sense to you and I don’t have to write what I already wrote before. Now I seem to be having another problem and I would appreciate some opinions on the subject – my cousin’s current girlfriend. Her name is Mandy and she is four years older than me. In the last few months we have become close and I have been developing feelings for her I probably shouldn’t have had.

I was at my cousin’s house with her last Tuesday while he was at work and I was talking about everything I had been through losing Jessica and Rachel and it was basically the first time I’ve really opened up to another woman since Rachel passed away. She already knew some of it from my cousin but not to the extent I told her. I told her more than I’ve ever told anybody and I actually cried in front of her and she cried too. That wasn’t my purpose but it felt good to get it out and she then told me I was a great guy and she hugged me and I kissed her.

I don’t know why I did it but I just did and I didn’t know what to do so I pulled away and left. I didn’t talk to her again until Thursday when she turned up at my house and I told her I was sorry about what happened that day and I didn’t want it to ruin our friendship. She told me not to be sorry and she kissed me and said she wasn’t sorry for that. I asked her what about my cousin and she said she was going to break up with him soon anyway because he never had time for her and he treated her like she was one of his one of his possessions. She said she liked me and I asked her how could she after what I’ve been through and she said I was blind because I couldn’t see what I was.

Mandy and I have been meeting up secretly every day since then but apart from going to McDonalds together on the weekend we've been staying out of the public because we don't want any of my cousin's friends seeing us together. He seems to know everybody in town and I don’t want him finding out from somebody else. She's going to break up with him on Friday but she's been figuring out whether she's going to tell him she's been spending time with me or if she is going to pretend to hook up with me after they have broken up. She doesn’t care if it hurts him because she said he’s hurt her enough times but he’s my cousin and I don’t want to hurt him.

My cousin is an asshole sometimes but he is still my cousin and I don’t want this to come between us but ****. I’ve been through hell for way too long and I just want some happiness in my life for a change. Being with Mandy seems to give me that and I really like her. She’s a bit forward but we haven’t had sex or anything like that yet and I want us to wait a while before we do. I want it to be meaningful if we do and I don’t want to sound cheesy but I want us to be in love first because I never got that chance with Jessica and I basically blew it on some woman I didn’t even know.

I haven’t told her that I’ve only had sex once and can’t remember it because I’m embarrassed. I’ve never told anybody that in person and I’m thinking maybe she might understand. We’ve been kissing and cuddling a lot lately and it just feels good having somebody who cares about me the same way Jessica and Rachel did. Perhaps Mandy is a blessing. Up until she kissed me I never thought I had a chance with her and I just thought I had a crush on her but now this has changed everything.

Mandy is just amazing and she's incredibly beautiful. I have a picture of her but I’m not going to post it on here because she probably wouldn’t want me to but she looks like an angel and I can’t believe she likes me. I feel like my feet are floating off the ground every time we kiss and when I hold her I feel like the whole world could come crashing down and I wouldn’t even notice it. I don’t want to get a head of myself and fall too quick but it’s hard not to because she’s really kind.

She wants me to start seeing a psychiatrist that her brother used to go to soon and she has offered to come with me so I will. Not just because she wants me to see one but you guys have made me realise I need too. There are things that still tear at me and sometimes I feel like I have a demon inside of me just scratching to get out sometimes. I think I showed that when I scared some of my TAFE teacher’s with my writing but I want to be a horror writer.

Do you guys think I am a prick for stealing my cousin’s girlfriend? I don’t want to be that kind of guy who splits his family up but I want to be with Mandy and I know she wants to be with me too. My cousin wasn’t good enough for her and I am sure he will get another girlfriend as he always does. He told me girls don’t date guys who have had their girlfriends die because they are seen as somebody’s leftovers and for a while I thought he was right and that is one of the reasons I stopped trying. With the exception of Rachel who I loved but was a lesbian Mandy is my first real girlfriend I’ve had since Jessica passed away when I was sixteen and maybe a third time of falling in love might be lucky.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=189112

Yes, I think it was wrong of you to steal his girlfriend; or anyone's girlfriend for that matter. It's a very selfish thing to do. I hope you decide to make things right.

Hi Blades,

How've things been? I can see the situation you are are in and it is a difficult one for you to negotiate. Remember here too that it is not all your own doing; Mandy did come to you and return your feelings, so both of you need to talk this out. You know you will get support here though.

I do think you should probably not have contact until she breaks up with your cousin. I can see that he is painted as a bad guy, but that shouldn't interfere with your or Mandys morals or be an excuse for him being hurt or upset. What do you think?

I think you will be fine once she has broken up with him...maybe go on a date about a week later, but maybe first tell your cousin that you are going out with her. He does deserve some respect in that regard.Plus it is always ettiquette to ask a chap if he minds if you see her.

There is a lot more to people than when we first meet them, so give yourself time to get to know Mandy before you do take the step of complicating things further by sleeping together. If I were you I would tell her that you are a virgin (that is something very important, and not something you should keep from her).

Hope things are good for you, take care,

Love & Blessings,
Rhian

hi blades,
i dont think its wrong that you stole her. it was wrong that she cheated on your cusin. personally i think you should tell mandy that untill the breakup is final that you guys shouldent sneak around. its wrong. and if she really wants to be with you then she just needs to tell your cusin. i also believe every one has there true soal mate. and mabey mandy is right for you not your cusin. and you should let him no that.

Thanks for the replies. To my surprise Mandy actually broke up with my cousin this morning and told him she was seeing me and he seems to be fine with it. I rang him up while he was at work and he said things between him and Mandy hadn’t been right for a long time and he didn’t want to be tied down to one woman. He also said I had become a man and he was proud of me for stepping up. I didn’t want to get another girlfriend this way but I don’t regret it.

Mandy is one in a million and I am not going to let a chance like this pass me by. I’m sick and tired of being screwed by the world and for once I am going to do something about it. Funny thing was I was so worried about trying and thought a woman wouldn’t accept me for everything I had been through in the past and all I had to do was kiss one. We like a lot of the same music (classic rock and jazz) and when I was with her yesterday I sang to her and she told me I was cute. I feel like I can write again and I am going to try to write a song or a poem for her today.

I am going to one of her friend’s birthday parties tonight as her date and she is going to pick me up in forty minutes. She doesn’t mind that I don’t drive and understands my fear. I also told her that I have only had sex once and can’t remember it and she laughed and said she had a feeling I was a virgin or close to being one and it was okay. She then said I had nothing to be ashamed about and if people had gone through half of what I have been through they would probably be the same way.

I think I found a woman I can see myself having a future with but I am not going to get too ahead of myself just yet. We might have known each other for eight months but we’ve only been together for a really short time. I really like her and she makes me feel good about myself for the first time in months. I asked her again why she really liked me the other day and she said I was sweet and kind and funny and cute and romantic and there weren’t many guys left like me in the world. Mandy also said she liked the way I talked about Jessica and she wished a guy what talk that way about her.

How can I not fall for a girl like this? She’s amazing and after years of sadness and depression I have finally found somebody who can make my heart flutter again and likes me too. As much as I loved Rachel I could never have a real relationship with her because she was a lesbian but with Mandy I can. I want to take her ice skating on the weekend but I’m not sure if she will be up to it. If we go she’ll have to drive us there so I can’t really surprise her. It seems romantic and when I was younger Jessica and I would go ice skating all the time. It feels good to say I have a girlfriend again