great life??

ok so my name is visalissa. im 19 im sorta new here. im engaged. i love my fiance very deeply. or well i did. we have been together for 10 months. plan to be married in november. up untill about 2 months ago i began to fall out of love with him. which makes no since bc he is the only guy that has ever respected me and treated me better then any guy i have been with. his family loves me and i love his family. we had a great starting out realtionship. but things change and i started to relize things i dont like about him. he lies to me constanty. and then denies it when i have caught it. i have been on his facebook rofile. bc he allows me to .i have his password. well one day i saw a message and dident think nuthing about it. then this girl that messaged him messaged me. so made him delete and block her. i dont like drama. well things were going good and he gets another message. and i tell her off. well later that night i was going through his profile. bc i had suspected him cheating(which i no he has a history of) and found the girl i had him delete and block was back on his profile and writing him. i was very upset. now i dont know whether or not to believe him. even thought he has swore he would never cheat on me.... please help me and please give me some advise. if thats at all possible. thanks for taking your time to read this

I'm sorry for the situation you are in. Here's my take on it.

The beginning of a relationship (and by this I mean first 6 months to 2 years) is considered the honeymoon phase. This is when you get those butterfly loving feelings, can't stand to be apart, the world is your oyster. It's the courting period where you are getting to know each other and building the relationship.

Love is more than being respected and treated well. I saw in your profile you are a survivor of childhood SAb, from what I know of the world, that's probably going to hugely impact your relationships in a number of ways.
1. You may find yourself attracted to the wrong guys (you said that other guys haven't treated you well)
2. You may have troubles with intimacy which may be causing you to want to flee as your relationship gets closer
3. You may rush into things too quick

People change a lot at 19, you are still growing into your adult-self so maybe something in your or his character no longer works. Can you make a list of what it is that you love about him?

I believe in every relationship, there are things that are going to irk you about the other person. And it's natural for those to become apart once the honeymoon phase is over. BUT the one that you listed is a huge one. It's not that he leaves his socks on the coffee table, he's not giving you honesty.
I'm going to be blunt, but it's only because I've been at the end of this spiral. If he does this, it WILL destroy your relationship. I believe 99% of the world says they would never cheat. But the number 1 cause of divorce is infidelity and an expected 50% of marriages are hurt by it. Obviously, some of those people who said they would never cheat ended up doing it. I could get into the path of how that happens, but that seems off topic. I will tell you that after 5 years with my bf, in a very stable, monogamous, relationship, I can safely I knew him pretty well. And he would be the LAST on my list of people I ever expected to cheat on someone. But he did. And it #$!^-ing sucked!

So now my questions for you,
1. Do you have an agreement on facebook chats? Has it been decided that you will not chat with members of the opposite sex?
2. Were these messages inappropriate by the standards of your relationship?

If you don't love him anymore, please do not marry him. It won't fix things, it will make them harder. If you are unsure of the relationship, please do not marry him right now. Postpone the wedding, say you want to finish school, have a steadier job, whatever you like. If you stay together, require him to go to T to find out why he's consistently lying to you and seeking validation outside the relationship. Go to some couple's counselling sessions.

Hon, I'm sorry for all of this, but don't rush into it because you're afraid. There are good guys out there and if this one isn't the right one, you WILL find the right one. You deserve honesty. You deserve faithfulness and loyalty. You deserve to be in a relationship/marriage where you both love each other

question one. no i dont tell him who he can can not talk to. but he dont have any exs on his profile. and now i make sure the only girls he has is family. i no that protective
question 2 yes they were saying things like hey call or text me sometime.
most of his lying came from one incident and it was when he first started talking i asked him a sexual personal question and he told me that he was still a vergin. even though i told him how maney which was one. well later i found out he hasnt since he was 12. i confronted him and he denied it. even though now i have proof. i made a list and the list only consists on 4 things. and that really makes me very sad and confused. 1 his eyes(they are so deep) 2 his hair( i could play in it all day) 3. his touch(it makes me feel secure) and 4 his smile (its so warm....
i no my problem of not keeping relationship long i always levae them after 3 months bc thats when i start to see a red flag. and i get scared and run. and everything that you predicted of me was the truth. like i do have problems with intamacy and i do flee when i get closer. i do fall way too fast. and i do find my self attracted only to the guys my family dont like. i just dont know what else to do bc im more then 8 hours away fro home and i hated there to begin with..idk im just scared now what do i do

You said that he lied about being a virgin, which is a big deal but I think he needs to understand why he did it? You also said the last time was at 12 which is pretty young? Perhaps he was embarrassed about it? HE needs to figure out why the lie seemed like a better idea than the truth though.

Also, I would suggest that you sit down together (if you plan to stay together) and discuss what you feel are appropriate boundaries for both of you. Where my bf and I started on this was with the main point of
To explain that, say I'm sitting on my computer talking to an old classmate. This classmate says something that I don't know whether is ok or not. I will imagine that my bf is sitting beside me and ask (in my imagination) "bf, are you ok with that? What kind of response are you comfortable with?" And he would do the same thing.

He seems to be acting in secrecy which is another concern. He allowed the facebook friend back after being deleted. That's another boundary I've established. If I feel like I should keep something a secret (aside from like bday presents etc) than maybe I need to think about why I don't want bf to know about it.
He is allowed to pick up my phone at any point in time (I use it more than my computer) and do whatever he likes on it. There's nothing on there that I believe would upset him.

The thing with the list, is that it's not about quantity. If you have 4 things on your list and feel passionately about them and they are enough for you to say "yes, this is right for me" than that's ok. But if those 4 are all you could think of and it feels like it's not enough, maybe it's not.

So in this relationship you have done much better for 10 months than your normal 3. Is that why you are jumping into the commitment of marriage?

Have you seen a T about the CSAb/intimacy issues?

You say that you are 8 hours from home, does that mean you are living with him? Is he rushing to get married? Is there a third option of where you could live so as not to stay with your parents or the fiance? -Close friend, aunt, etc?

i did see a T but i moved and havent been able to find one that i conect with which is why i came here to find help. and it seems ppl who have been through it helps me more. and yes i have a sister that lives like 5 appartments down from us. i live with him. and we are living with his mom,dad,sister,(4 years old),brother,(16 years). no he isnt rushing to get married he just up and aksed me and i said yes. this is when i thought i would never fall outa love with him. and normally i wouldent have jumped into marriage this early but it just kinda happend

Finding the right T is tricky. I might actually be on a search for a new one soon too. Can you give your old one a call and see if he/she has anyone in your area to recommend?

Would he be understanding if you suggested delaying the wedding?

i could ill have to see who she knows. and idk we have been delaying it for months.

I don't think it's right to get married if either of you have concerns. When did he propose -you've been together 10months and been delaying the wedding for months..?

he proposed at at 5 months and we have been delaying ever since.

My advice is don't marry him until you know him well and you are certain you want to do so.

I hesitated and wanted to delay my marriage but my fiance pressured me to stay on schedule rather than wait until I had completed college. I made a mistake; I should have waited.

There is no shame or embarrassment in putting wedding plans on hold.

From your posts, neither of you seem to have the maturity for marriage yet.

thanks yoda i just get so scared and then my mood changes and im ready to marry him and then i get scared. come to think of it. does that mean i have cold feet? and flooded what makes you think we arnt mature?