any suggestions on intrusive thoughts about bein cheated on?

so I love my boyfriend so much, he is my air, he is one of the very few in my life that has talked with me rather than ignore me or talk at me....

I do have some trust issues and self imagine issues and I imagine this problem I have stems from it...

I can't stop with paranoid thoughts of illusions about us. Ie I get thoughts and ideas that he maybe cheating on me, or flirting with others, or watching porn, etc things to hurt me, and telling me the whole time that he loves me and he is true and doesn't do that stuff....

Example the other nights I was napping and he came in to let me know he ws going to the store, I got up and couldn't let him go alone I thought bad things, and yes logical side says if he was going out to hurt me why would he wake me.... I can see ppl being very deceiving and complex as in knowing me and my thought patterns.

I hate these feelings due to he is true to me, I am sure on my logical side... He is a wonderful person, I see this, but then another side of me am untrusting and worried about being hurt and that I am in an illusion, and can't think these thoughts out, they always pop up...

I know this isn't healthy. I am able to talk to my boyfriend about some of these thoughts in a good way as (in constructive way I guess) and he reassure me and understands my thoughts, sometimes I joke in a cruel way towards myself bout my fears, my boyfriend tells me to stop when I joke cruel about it due to I'm being mean to me, but how else to deal with such emotions. In away by him caring with even a ''joke'' shows me he does care' and talking helps too....

but later at times I feel stupid about talking due to I have exposed myself and my fears, its then easier for him to feed on my weakness if he is being mean.

most of the time I can try my best to get out of my head but other times I tell me I can't do anything unless I ''catch'' him in the act and cross that bridge when I get there.

Is there any suggestions with helping with this?

dont know, maybe its a control issue, possessive thing. shadow thinking

Idk,
control issue perhaps but then why would I be happy when he goes out with a bud? Only thing I appreciate is be told his schedule (ie when he is planning to go and it not be just out of the blue then be going).
Possessive perhaps, he is the first person I have allowed myself to be with in a relationship and don't want to lose him. He is the first to seem like he actually likes me....

sigh, Idk.

Trust is earned, not freely given. It is earned by observing the actions of the other person. How long have you been with your bf? Has he ever given you any indication of being untrustworthy alone or is this from past trust issues?

You said that this is the first relationship where you allowed yourself to really invest feelings in. That means, unfortunately that your feelings are out there where they could get hurt, and that is scary. We see in the media, even before we ourselves enter the dating world, that people get heartbroken all the time. I think that sometimes we get so caught up in that, we start out relationships on a negative trust scale.

It sounds like you have good communication which is great! Being able to talk to him about it, and have him receptive speaks volumes about your relationship. Don't feel bad for bringing it up, by communicating about these things, you are strengthening your bond. I don't think it's wrong to want to know his schedule, that's part of sharing.

It seems like you are able to work through some of your feelings in a logical way. What would help you feel better when you can't calm yourself down? If you were to send him a text, with a predetermined code like "whatcha up to" (something out of your normal phrase for that) and he could text you back right away to say "hey, I'm just trying on some new jeans". Would that help? What if he could prove it with a picture message?

Last year my bf did cheat on me and I was taught the moto of "trust but verify" as a way of learning to trust him again. So something like the picture message helped. And after a while of getting that picture saying he really was where he said he'd be, I started to believe it. So I just asked that he reply. I guess, as someone who has always had trust issues (like me), it's sort of like conditioning yourself.

Try to continue to work on it together. Find things that make you feel secure with him, like maybe for you, rather than a picture of proof, you'd rather him reply with something he loves about you (and you can reply back with the same).

thank you Tsol25!
We have been together for 2 1/2 years, known each other for almost 5 years.
He hasn't given me a reason to not trust him, with me as well its past issues (family in a bad way).
Drives me mad a little at times for I feel I'm being unjust to him... He hasn't done anything wrong and why be like this cause of others?

We do talk a lot, both of us with one another, which I agree with what you mention on communication makes it stronger. My dad always said the same thing almost my parents had a bad marriage I remember he told me one of the reason it failed was due to lack of communication and expression of feelings.
With texts my bf and I do the pic and messages once in a while to calm each other down we both have issues in this category thus his understanding my side, and we both talk.. He even with me about his fears....
Maybe in time it will get better? Maybe some therapy For me, I will get better with it? Get to my true issue with trust :/

I know about half the ppl I talk to even my oldest sister who was like a mom to me @ one time, she mentioned ''first ones don't last''...... Fooey on her I say lol I mean if the stars don't say its 'destiny', then ok; but why can't ppl be with their first bf or gf if they click and work together with one another and all? Others don't say such negative things but I see anything possible as well as what is probable.

I think if we continue to talk and not shut out , we will be fairly good right? But I would like the thoughts to go away. thanks for your suggestions, they are reassuring on the path of going on

Tsol25, though if he ever cheated on me, I highly doubt probability on taking him back (he the same with me so we're on the same page), you are strong in ways to give him a second chance. I know I probably couldn't do that.

thank you again for the positive feed back! I will continue on this path for he too is on it with me....

I hope you well! And good thoughts tour way

I think CBT would help with the thoughts. I'm doing a workbook on it (The Feeling Good Handbook > David Burns -but there are many out there) and it might help you see the distortion in your thoughts. Or maybe to write down and say
-this is the situation
-this is what I'm afraid will happen
-this is what ___ from my family would have done
-this is what bf would do
here's a form I've printed out that's helped me
http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/Th...cordSheet7.pdf
http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/index.htmlthis website has been really helpful, I printed a bunch of the handouts and put them in a folder I carry around with me. Trust issues are hard to deal with, I've always had them too.

I hear the same things about first relationships never working. I think it's because they assume since you are so young when it starts by the time you fully grow into the adult version of yourself and realize what you want in your relationship you can be in a very different situation. In your teens/20s you change a lot and you may find that you don't click with that bf/gf the way that you used to. But it's not impossible, just not probable. I've been with my bf for almost 6 years now, he was my first bf. I'm absolutely a different person than I was 6 years ago, I don't think I'm done, I'll probably change more in the next 5 years. Same for him, the bf I met 6 years ago has changed and grown but we've both grown in directions that were still ok with. I think that's where things tend to not work, people grow apart.

Maybe the fact that people are telling you that your first bf won't work is causing some of your fears. "Well if it can't work, something has to happen to cause us to break up sometime, he's probably going to cheat". Don't write yourselves off based on your lack of dating history.

My side note on cheating. We had talked about it before -it was absolutely a dealbreaker for both of us. "The one thing I could never forgive is someone who cheats on me" -we both said it. But what I found out, is it's like an emergency situation -you never REALLY know how you'll react to it. When he told me, I was crushed, angry, all sorts of emotions packed together but for some reason I still loved him. Of course that only made me angrier -why the heck do I love him when he hurt me so much. It's been long and hard; harder than anything but were getting there.