more female friends?

Does anyone else wish they had more female friends? Sometimes I really miss it because I want to talk about dating or something and nobody really gets it. It's not really a need I guess but it would be nice.

I take it you are female looking for female friends, or at least just wishing you had some?

I have a major problem with that. There aren't many, or currently ANY, women in my life that I would consider being friends with. I just find that I don't have much in common with them. I haven't had a female friend in years. I have two male room mates that I've known for ages.

I think my problem with women started in childhood, though, and there are lots of reasons for it. I'm not sure I'll ever figure it out. It's pretty complicated. But yeah, it sucks not having females around to do female things with. I'm not sure what those are, really. I don't know what you're supposed to do with other females.

I think people lacking human connections in general is a problem these days.

How did your situation come about?

Hey Girl,

I don't have very many female friends either; most of the ones I do have span from highschool. The majority of my friends are guys and I don't think my bf likes that very much since he always says I need more gf's. My main thing with girls I think is that they are too catty or flakey to me... call me high maintenance, but if you want to hang out with me, you'll make an effort. I'm not going to constantly call people to hang out with me if they always have an excuse... such as being with their bf cuz they don't have a life outside of them. Boys are easy... they'll hang out whenever. I do feel you though cuz it would be nice to kick it with my girls sometimes.

I don't know. You can't talk to male friends about periods, or hair removal, or makeup or hairstyles, or... babies? I guess that's not true, I talk to the guys at work about their kids. Or... fashion? I don't know. I don't tend to do a lot of those things.

But, I do tend to have male friends who you can talk to about just about anything. One of my room mates used to live in student residences with several women at a time, and he's heard everything. I ask their opinion on an outfit or makeup or hair. We live in the same house, so it's not like it's not going to happen. And they ask me the same things, when they're getting ready for a date or work thing, or thinking of changing their looks in some way. We talk about our relationships, and science and philosophy, watch movies, play video games and joke around like idiots. I guess I don't really need a woman for that. Unless I could find women who are easy going and down to earth and not afraid to act like an idiot for jokes.

It might be nice to do some sort of female bonding thingies, though. I feel like I'm missing out on something. Painting nails or doing hair, or shopping, or... I don't know. There must be something particular about women that you can't get from men, some kind of support thing, or gender kinship.

Part of it might have to do with my job, and the way you have to dress for it. We wear protective gear and lots of layers, so it's not a very feminine thing to begin with. And the women all have kids, or are way older than I am. And the office "ladies" are exactly the kind that bother me. They have put people in tears, and are always stylish. Not that there's anything wrong with being stylish, they just seem to do it like it's a competitive sport.

Starvin4Perfection, I hear you on the flakiness and cattiness. Those are the two things I hate most about most women I have run into in person. They are cliquish, and often times you can't hold a decent conversation with them about anything interesting, they read People magazine and "tisk-tisk" over cellulite, and who the celebrities are dating. They don't want to play videogames or talk about astronomy. There are probably women like that out there, I just have no idea where they are. I'm pretty shut-in, socially.

I don't know... I tend to just be really intimidated by females, particularly in groups, because of things that happened when I was a kid. I am very mistrusting of women. I don't know how to talk to them, I stumble over myself. And I haven't met any women that seemed to have anything in common with me. Actually, when in a social setting, or even at work, I sort of ignore the women... I just don't get them. I'd rather joke around with the guys.

And also... I realize this is not most people's problem, but the female friends I have been close with in the past, I usually end up... attracted to them. And that's just a whole other can of worms, entirely. I don't want that to happen, but if I were looking for a female friend, I guess I'd be looking for all the attributes in someone I'd be attracted to, so it would be a problem from the start. It would kind of be like trying to hang out with people you just don't like or respect, wouldn't it?

My T has said I need to make female friends, but they're just totally off my radar. I have made profiles on social networking pages and women don't message me. I guess I really haven't bothered to message them, though...

I don't know how to do this at all!

Yes! I do wish i had more female friends. It's hard to find really good, non shallow, loyal female friends.

I will be your friend...

I've never had personally knew any cliquish, catty, shallow women. I know they are out there, I keep hearing and reading about them. On the other hand I am not setting my eyes on alpha females leading a pack and self-proclaimed princesses (my attitude toward a princess is "oh, so very sorry, do you need some help with this condition?").

I wish I had more women friends, but part of the problem is that I am bad at cultivating relationships. I have major problem keeping my house in "guest shape" and I also tend to get sucked into my own rabbit holes, and forget about the world for months at a time. My best woman friend, one whom I felt I loved more deeply and intensely than I've ever loved any b.f. even though I was not sexually attracted to her, has stopped responding to me. I figured later the relationship was too 1-sided. I wanted to tell her about my life and my problems, and did give equal time to her life, and it really was because I did not love her, because if I did, I would be more interested in hearing her, than her hearing me. Made me doubt my ability to love. At least at that time.

I've always found that women who say they get along better with men and prefer to hang out with men end up being friends with each other (if that made any sense...).

Right now, I really only have two close female friends. One lives near me, and one lives back on the east coast. The first friend and I get lunch every week. We sort of lucked out with our friendship. Our men (my fiance, her now husband as of beginning of June) went to college together, were in the same fraternity, and then ended up getting jobs together at the same place with very close starting dates. This friend and I just kind of bonded over being new, not working where the guys were working (all of their other friends also work at the same place), and then over our upcoming weddings. I think the thing I love the most about her is how straightforward she is. And plus how bubbly and happy she is. It's very refreshing, even though we're pretty much opposites.

The other friend I have I met in college. She's one of those "I get along better with guys" types (as am I). We had a very straightforward, no drama friendship. We used to sit for hours just talking about anything. Lots of deep conversations (we were both literature majors). We still try to have phone dates regularly even though we're far apart now.

Oh, and when I'm good friends with a guy, I have no shame in telling them I have my period, lol. I don't really think I've ever treated a friendship with guy any different than one with a girl.

Lastly, in regards to trying to make more friends (something I'm also trying to do), what about joining any local clubs (maybe a book club? A local book store might have different kinds of book clubs, maybe one for those interested in philosophy, rather than just new/best sellers), or perhaps some sort of team sport or league? (Ultimate frisbee is huge here, with leagues for girls, guys, and co-ed). Or even if you just like running or cycling, I'm sure there's groups that get together and go for runs or rides. I would try to think of the things you're interested in, and then research if there's any groups that get together to do/talk about those things. I've heard meetup.com is a great resource for finding groups of people interested in similar things. The first step is to meet people you're interested in being friends with; the second is to start building a relationship.

Good luck!

I've been working on changing my life around so that I can meet more people. I recently took a pay cut to get onto a day shift so that I can go out after work, if there is ever an opportunity. I worked afternoons for 11 years and you can't spend time with people or meet new people at with those kind of hours. Most people are at work when you get up, and asleep when you get home. So this has been a huge change.

Like I said, a big part of the reason was to meet people, but I've been so chicken, I haven't met anyone new and I've been on day shift for almost two months. I was talking to someone on a dating site (it's also for meeting friends, and that's what I'm looking for) and we exchanged a few emails and then sort of just stopped talking. I also have been interested in joining some type of club or activity group. But again, I'm scared.

That's what usually happens. I get scared. I think I'm fundamentally afraid of change, which seems funny, since I wish things were different. I'm not a naturally very social person, so it can actually get mentally exhausting trying to keep up with people on that site. And I'm even more worried that if I get too many people in my life I'll just want to hide under my bed and not come out.