[prettypony]

I would say 90% of the time my husband of 5 years and I fight is because he is upset about how I have hurt his feelings. It always starts as something like I criticized him.
And Always turns into you don't care about me and you don't listen to me.
I fell frustrated cause no matter what I try to do it always ends up as a all day thing where he will talk at me telling me how I don't care or listen all day.
Really all day 9am-12am. I can barley get a word in all day and if I interrupt him to try and address one of the many many things he is now upset about he gets even madder and hits himself in the head. So I shut up. Then he is mad cause I am not in the conversation.
Then he starts in on me again the next day saying he is still not resolved. This usually results in me blowing up and yelling at him.
Not sure what to do, I tried reading all kinds of things on communication and how to fight , and books on marriage. I do know I am not as good as he as at communication and have be feeling depressed. So maybe this is my fault. I don't know.

[Sunna]

Sounds like you need a referee.
You blowing up and yelling at him does not help.
Him blaming you for hurting his feelings, is him not taking responsibility for his feelings. That and him hitting his head makes me wonder how he believes himself to be "good at communication". I mean, he is good at expressing his anger, yeah, but that's not communication.
If both of you read a book and both of you agreed on doing the communication exercises, exactly like these books say to do them, maybe... but really, I would suggest find a couples counselor to at least get you on the right path.

[AAAAA]

Sorry someone that resorts to hitting himself in the head to prevent the other from speaking is having a great deal of difficulty at expressing himself or is a master manipulator. It sounds like the two of you need to get some outside help. A therapist or pastor. There is no fault. Good communication is a skill that needs to be learned like everything else.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by prettypony

I would say 90% of the time my husband of 5 years and I fight is because he is upset about how I have hurt his feelings. It always starts as something like I criticized him.
And Always turns into you don't care about me and you don't listen to me.
I fell frustrated cause no matter what I try to do it always ends up as a all day thing where he will talk at me telling me how I don't care or listen all day.
Really all day 9am-12am. I can barley get a word in all day and if I interrupt him to try and address one of the many many things he is now upset about he gets even madder and hits himself in the head. So I shut up. Then he is mad cause I am not in the conversation.
Then he starts in on me again the next day saying he is still not resolved. This usually results in me blowing up and yelling at him.
Not sure what to do, I tried reading all kinds of things on communication and how to fight , and books on marriage. I do know I am not as good as he as at communication and have be feeling depressed. So maybe this is my fault. I don't know.

Do you know if your husband has an emotional problem? What you have described sounds like one, not an issue with who is better at communication. Will he go to couple's counseling with you? I'm always concerned with hitting. While he may be hitting himself now, what if he starts hitting you? He needs a checkup with his doctor with a full description of what he is doing.

[AvidReader]

I would definitely recommend couples counseling -- this sounds like a situation beyond where a book can help. A therapist or clergyperson can help you both get on the right track. Communication difficulties, if left unaddressed for too long, can turn into HUGE problem.

Best wishes, and sending you a hug!

[madisgram]

when he says you have hurt his feelings you might try asking "how?". imo, i'd say, if i have hurt your feelings i'm sorry but it would be helpful if you tell me what i've done to upset you.
on the other hand i believe he enjoys setting you up to hurt you. it's a passive agressive behavior and/or projecting his own anger at you. i'm no doc but here's why i say this:
Passive-aggressive personality disorder is a long-term (chronic) condition in which a person seems to actively comply with the desires and needs of others, but actually passively resists them. In the process, the person becomes increasingly hostile and angry.
Symptoms of passive aggressive behavior:
People with this disorder resent responsibility and show it through their behaviors, rather than by openly expressing their feelings. They often use procrastination, inefficiency, and forgetfulness to avoid doing what they need to do or have been told by others to do.
Some common symptoms of passive-aggressive personality disorder include:

• Acting sullen
• Avoiding responsibility by claiming forgetfulness
• Being inefficient on purpose
• Blaming others
• Complaining
• Feeling resentment
• Having a fear of authority
• Having unexpressed anger or hostility
• Procrastinating
• Resisting other people's suggestions

A person with this disorder may appear to comply with another's wishes and may even demonstrate enthusiasm for those wishes. However, they:

• Perform the requested action too late to be helpful
• Perform it in a way that is useless
• Sabotage the action to show anger that they cannot express in words , from the NY Times

you're in a no win situation as it stands now in my opinion if i am correct.
i'm quite unsure if he is the great communicator as u state. what you can do constructively is leave the room, get busy or go to the mall. i'd not give him an "audience". when u return and he starts up again i'd leave AGAIN.
and fighting back at him isn't useful.
sorry for the long post.