[emptybee15]

So, I guess I can consider myself bisexual, maybe. I find women attractive and enjoy being with them sexually, but I don't want to really be in a relationship with a woman, but that could change if my current boyfriend f***s up, I'm tired of men f***ing up at this point in my life.

Anywho, I've been really wanting to have another sexual experience with a woman. I haven't in like 4 years and I'm thinking about it more and more.

The problem is, I don't have the "balls" to hit on another woman because I've never had to do that and that could be considered cheating if I did. There's always a guy that set the situation up. So, I want to tell my boyfriend, but I'm scared that if we do it together, that he'll try sleeping with the girl behind my back or do something to her that I dont' like while we're in the act, then I'll flip out (unless I'm like drunk or something.) That's what happened when I "had fun" with couples, the guy ALWAYS tried to sleep with me WITHOUT his wife/girlfriend there. I think that's against the rules, but I did for my own selfish "I need attention" reasons. I don't want my guy to do that, I love him and I don't want anything that I did or whatever to mess it up, but I want to do it very badly.

Has anyone had experiences with this? Good, bad, or otherwise?

[nerdosaurus]

Hey,

I'm in the process of sorting this out with my boyfriend I'm bisexual as well.

We have sat down and made a set of rules about what we want to happen and what we won't be happy with etc. It really helped, I'd recommend it. Just looking for the right girl now.

If your boyfriend knows you're bisexual I'm sure he'll be open to discussion and really supportive, good luck!

[Visioneer]

So... you're in a relationship, and you're worried that your boyfriend would go behind your back to have sex with someone else. But you are willing to do that to him? Especially if he "F***s up"? What exactly would that entail, if not what you are already considering doing to him? How would you feel if your boyfriend secretly wanted to have sex with another man and was writing this same post on a website somewhere right now? If you f*** up he'll go and do it?

You want to have control over this entire complicated situation, that you wish to initiate yourself. He can't do anything you don't want him to do once it starts, but you're afraid he will be upset by the things you want to do. You're creating a double standard. It sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too, regardless of his feelings "or whatever".

OK, now that that possibly completely inaccurate rant is over-with (correct me if I'm wrong), let's talk about practicality. Is your current boyfriend aware of your history when it comes to participating in cheating? Is your boyfriend aware that you have an attraction to females, and that you have had sexual experiences with females in the past? Is he aware that some of these experiences have been with multiple partners? How ok is he with any of these ideas? Because that will be a pretty good gauge of his reaction to your current desires.

From personal experience, I have a lot of women and men trying to drag me into their relationships as a sexual prop when they find out that I am bisexual. As though my sexuality somehow makes me open to just about darn well anything. "Bisexual" is not synonymous with "poly-amorous", or "promiscuous", but people treat it like it's all the same. It's insulting and aggravating. However, some people are totally cool with that, and if you look you'll no doubt find them.

The people I have known personally who get involved in this situation are confused and hoping that they can keep their partner from straying by allowing the straying to take place, as long as they are fully aware of what's happening; they delude themselves into feeling like they are in control of the situation and therefore can not be hurt by what is taking place, when in fact it is crushing them. They are so afraid to lose someone who doesn't even really want to be with them that they are willing to put themselves on the line physically and emotionally, instead of looking for what they really want, which is someone who will respect and love them in a partnership. Make sure that your boyfriend does not do this, if you are really serious about wanting what you want.

Of course there are tons of polyamorous people out there who seem to make it work, though what you are suggesting isn't quite polyamory. And your boyfriend may very well be as interested in bringing a human female sexual prop into your bed as you are. You never know until you try. Be honest with him.

[nerdosaurus]

Just out of interest do either of you get sick and tired of the "wow, a bisexual with a boyfriend - must just be an attention-seeking slut trying to impress boys" gossip? Because it seriously irritates me!

[emptybee15]

@nerdosaurus: That's a great idea. I'm going to talk to him about it later.

@Visioneer: I think you misinterpreted some things.

1.) My CURRENT guy has NOT cheated on me, but I have been cheated on (not threesome related) and have seen that many men do that when threesomes happen.

2.) I am NOT willing to cheat on him or I would've just done the s**t and not had a need to say anything about it on here. Hence me saying that it could be considered cheating even though it's another girl, that's why I HAVEN'T done it.

3.) Please quote where I said I'll be afraid he'll be upset by the situation. I never said that. He WOULD LOVE to do it (as he's never had 2 women be intimate with each other while with him), but I'M scared of the aftermath because of MY prior experiences.

4.) He can stray whether it's in a threesome OR behind my back. I'm scared of that either way with ANY man I'm dating. I don't trust well, regardless of how good the relationship is...and this one is great.

I'm not being hostile in the slightest, just wanted to clear those things up.

[Visioneer]

This might be a good topic to bring into the sexuality and gender issues forum.

emptybee15; I'm not worried about you being hostile, don't worry. That definitely clears things up, your original post sounded like you wanted this and there had been no input from your boyfriend at all, not that he wanted it and you weren't sure...

Yeah, this stuff is really complicated no matter your age. As I said, in my personal experience (that is what you asked, right?), these things don't end well, but I'm sure there are people who have had great experiences. If this is not something you feel YOU'RE totally comfortable with, why risk it then?

nerdosaurus; yeah, it's just about as irritating as girls who pretend to be bisexual to get attention from guys It's a pretty frequent sight, especially when there's drinking involved. Some people give bisexuality a bad name.

[Typo]

Be very careful with this

Threesomes sound great but can have lasting negative affects on a relationship

I myself personally have never particpated in one, but I know couples that have to mixed reviews

For some couples it's a fun thing and it's done and over with, nobody is really affected and they are able to keep things in perspective

For others it has lasting negative affects afterwords, jealous, anxiety, etc

If you decide to do this with your boyfriend please set clear boundaries and make sure both of you are 100% sure this is what you want, set boundaries for during play and stick to those, make sure everyone has a clear understanding of those boundaries

It sounds like their may be some relationship anxiety issues you may want to work out before doing this.

I wish you the best

[emptybee15]

You guys have all provided me some great insight. It is much appreciated.