...and while we're at it

... since this is helping. Can anyone suggest a way to get me to stop looking out the damned window every five seconds - for him? It's making me very anxious. I get up constantly - even right in the middle of important work to look. It's controlling me & I hate this feeling.

I want to get to the point where I am relaxed & don't care or even forget all together that he might go by or stop next door. The visiting next door is done to torture me. See I don't fight with him - EVER. I'm beginning to think he's trying to see how much I will / can take before I snap. Then he'll turn it all on me.

So how do I get to that blissful place of not caring wtf he does?

Let your logical mind take over & not listen to your emotional mind. Your logical mind knows what you really need & want....let it take over while you are getting stressed about this. Logical mind will keep you sitting, emotional mind keeps you hopping up.

Logical mind says...don't let him own you in this way....emotional mind wants to see what he's doing. Until you allow your logical mind to guide your actions, you will not get to that blissful place of not caring in the way your logical mind doesn't want to do.

Don't go to the window every time you feel the urge. If you give in some of the time, but not all of the time, that is still progress.

Sometimes it's helpful to ask questions before an action takes place, for example, Why do I feel the desire to look for him? Will going to the window help or hinder moving forward? Will I feel better or worse -in the long run- if I continue to act on this compulsion?

Well, you can't make such a leap when earlier you claimed "I don't want to move on."

Is there anyway to make my logical mind stronger? Just did it three more times while typing this.

My heart starts POUNDING wildly & there's all this painful, anxious tension in my chest when I think I hear him coming. My damned logical mind COMPLETELY disappears!!!! A certain times of day it gets really bad.

Oddly enough, I am terrified of what mood he will be in today if he does show up. Will he be nice, cynical, apathetic, mean, nasty, cruelly sarcastic, flirtatious, sweet, talkictive, pensive, rude, touchy-feelie, or walk in with a nasty look ask where's so&so then instantly turn around, slam the door and storm off if whomever he asked for is not here. I dare not call him ever for fear of the same and being hung-up on mid-sentence.

Well, you can't make such a leap when earlier you claimed "I don't want to move on."[/quote]

That's my point!!! I know this is SOOOO bad for my mental health and I can't seem to stop it. I want the him that's nice to me. Not the him that's cruel - it's a 15% nice to 85% cruel lately. Complete 180 degrees from 2 months ago.

Sounds to me I would completely avoid a person like that. As far as making your logical mind stronger, the only way to do that is to listen to it & FORCE yourself to STOP when you hear your emotional mind pushing you to get up & look.

Only YOU can force yourself.....or maybe use some permabond glue on your chair so you CAN'T get up. Our own willpower is the only way that we can stop ourselves from doing things that we don't really want to do.....sort of like addictions...unless you really want to stop & force yourself to stop & listen to your logical mind, you won't.

It's called WILL POWER & you are the only one who can control that.

Guess it's pretty simple then...

...must just be all in my head...

... isn't that why I'm here?

Got some super glue in my purse. I'll give it a shot.

Thanks.

Why would he "show up," and why would you permit him to come in?

...without divulging too much pertinent information... I am at a public place and have no control over who can come in.

He shows up to see me. Hopefully you don't think I'm a looney stalker or something. He comes to see me - at his whims. We also have to deal with each other in other capacities from time to time as well.