[flowergirl27]

ok here we go! so i got married a year ago when i found out i was pregnant, i have been dating my now husband for four years. anyway i recently found out he has been dating another woman for the past 5 years and she is also married. i confronted him about it and he said he is in love with her and that he cares about me. she writes me and tells me everything that they do. he says there done and he wants me to wait and see if he will ever reach to the point of loving me! but i dont think thats fair for me im hurt and he doesnt want me to be he acts like he doesnt care and that drives me crazy. so i throw these mini tantrums to get attention and hope he would stay around but he always leaves me. he goes home to his mom and she does not even talk to me either she says i treat her son so bad!!!!!!! am i wrong for feeling like im loosing my mind!!!!!!!!!

[PBJandPICKLES]

...mmmm... ok...Nawh, you're not losing your mind - just feels that way. Have you ever heard of having your cake & eating it too? That's what your husband is doing. Your husband wants both, and he doesn't want to lose either of you. He can't really have her all the way since she has a husband, so he has you and your child inbetween. I wanted to venture and say he probably even loves both of you; however, when you mentioned that he said he wants you to "stick around" and see if he could eventually love you ...well... that is total horse s h i t! He sounds like an all around liar liar pants on fire - longterm hidden gf, married you and took vows stating he loves you even though he states now he doesn't, in love with someone else. I say WFT. Why waste more minute on this toad? You are definitely not crazy. Leave. What's the point if he doesn't love you? Care about you he said? He mighta thought about that before marrying you WHILE in love with someone else - now that's crazy & not very "caring". He probably doesn't want to get divorced and have to pay allamony & child support.

[Astridetal]

I am sorry you are in this situation. It must be really tough. Really indeed your husband is wanting you both, while I can totally understand you don't want that. At the same time, you may love him and be unable to just leave becuas eof your child too. You are totally right not taking the bullcrap from him that you should stick aroudn and wait if he gets to love you. That's a totally unfair expectation. I don't hav emuch advice fo ryou but I wanted to validate your feelings.

[lynn P.]

I don't think I could have said it any better than PBJandPICKLES - your spunky post made me laugh. All I will say is, your husband and this woman are cruel, especially the way she writes and tells you what they do. If I were you, I would pack up all those letters and deliver them to her hubby. He doesn't acknowledge your pain and bails when confronted with reality. I honestly doubt marriage counseling would help. I think you should let him go - you can still let him be in your child's life for your childs sake.

[Open Eyes]

Oh Lynn, that was a great idea about giving that womans information to her husband.

I think flowergirl27 you should make every effort to do just that and walk away and let all of them, including this crappy man's mother be the "CRAZY" ones.

"OFF WITH THEIR HEADS, I SAY"
Open Eyes

[lad007]

You deserve a lot better. I am sorry you are being treated like this.
A marriage has to be based on trust, and if you don't even have that, what do you have?

[sunrise]

If you decide you want to leave the relationship, I recommend going to see a lawyer first, before you tell your H you want to end the marriage. Just find out your rights, what is likely to happen in a divorce, etc. The first session with the lawyer is usually free. They may recommend to stay in your home and let him be the one to move out, or to stay married for another few months to pass some kind of deadline that will be advantageous for you. Who knows. Just get the facts from the lawyer first, before doing anything.

Is there a way to block this woman from communicating with you? You need a strong boundary there. Can you block her phone number on your phone? Block her email so it goes immediately to spam and you never see it? If she sends you letters, don't open and just throw away or mark them "return to sender"? It's really inappropriate for he to be communicating with you in this way. She sounds like a weirdo. You can also tell H to tell her to desist.

Good luck.

[PBJandPICKLES]

Excellent point about the lawyer. Protect yourself and look out for your best interest.

[popeye]

I like what Lynn said...give the letters to her. Don't take that shyza anymore.

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by flowergirl27

ok here we go! so i got married a year ago when i found out i was pregnant, i have been dating my now husband for four years. anyway i recently found out he has been dating another woman for the past 5 years and she is also married. i confronted him about it and he said he is in love with her and that he cares about me. she writes me and tells me everything that they do. he says there done and he wants me to wait and see if he will ever reach to the point of loving me! but i dont think thats fair for me im hurt and he doesnt want me to be he acts like he doesnt care and that drives me crazy. so i throw these mini tantrums to get attention and hope he would stay around but he always leaves me. he goes home to his mom and she does not even talk to me either she says i treat her son so bad!!!!!!! am i wrong for feeling like im loosing my mind!!!!!!!!!

Hey flowergirl27,

What a tough situation. My heart goes out to you. The whole "wait around" business does not sound fair at all. Not sure if you have ever seen this program? I have found it very helpful with my own relationship stuff.
http://www.coda.org/
Elana

[rubyindie]

Its pathetic these people are taking you for granted. take all your descisions after good deliberation but make sure you dont take yourself for granted. its funny how we only believe in ourselves when we are pushed against a wall. be strong and remember you're worth it!
be the power you want in your life!