Old Flame...not sure what path to take

I have been involved with my bf for 3.5 years. We are both in our early 30's. i love him and he loves me. There is no abuse or violence that occurs in our relationship. We live together and things have been going well. We have had our ups & downs, relationship growing pains and created fantastic memories together in Feb (this year), we took a short break. The break was due to: finances, job, future (we needed to decide if we were going to get married...We decided we do want to marry. However we are not engaged). We worked out the bumps and it's been nice. My bf is the type that will never cheat on or hurt me. He is not a doormat but a genuinely good man. In his mind we are as serious and committed as a married couple. in my mind we are as serious as a serious committed couple working towards marriage. Unfortunately, he is also not overly ambitious which drives me nuts, inside, because i am more ambitions. i DO NOT like 90% of his family.

Recently an old flame, my first love, contacted me and wants to reconnect. I am not sure if i have ever stopped loving him. I simply put enough distance between us to try to move on from him. Up until now i could convince myself that it was better without him but now i feel i should see him to figure out what path to take. My ex and i broke up in our early 20's due to different priorities (he did not believe in marriage and kids; i did. I still believe in marriage and not sure about kids; he now says he believes in long term committed relationships...which is progress). We remained semi-friends over the years (lots of sexual tension). During our period of 'friendship' i always wanted him back and he just never felt the same. He had a few other gf after me that never worked out...he always grew tired or irritated with them and failed to communicate his feelings. My ex and i have not seen or spoken with each other in 6-7 months which is the longest period of time we have not spoken with each other.

Since then he explains he has changed and grown up. He says he understands a relationship is a give and take and communications is essential. I believe it. he is also more ambitious. i adore his family.

There is more history involved in the story..none of the additional details are overly scandalous (and some are) but needless to say if my bf knew i was communicating with my ex he would leave me. Not only do i want to continue to communicate with my ex but i even want to see him to find what might be. Discussing this with my bf would also lead to us breaking up.

I need some advise from people who have dealt with this type of situation or lived through this... Do i see him or not? Will i regret it if i do or don't?

only you can decide the path you choose. conflicts in relationships indicate you are struggling with making a decision. unfortunately we cannot predict or suggest a solution. we can offer support to you or listen however. a wise friend gave me some good advice once: when in doubt, don't.
however, as long as you're in your present relationship it's not fair to go outside of it. a healthy approach, imo, is to decide whether to quit the present one before you move on to the next.

This seems to be a situation where you first need to sort out and make a decision about whether to stay in your current relationship or end it. You say you love him, but it is actually easy to "love" someone. A number of things you wrote indicate that you don't necessarily "like" some things about him. In a healthy relationship, not only do we love someone, we also like them and the choices and decisions they make.

From my own experience, Not Liking 90% of his family is a big STOP sign. When you marry someone, you marry the whole family (unless you take off and live on some remote island for the rest of your life).

Also, the fact that you do want to see and talk to your ex tells me that you aren't totally, 100% in love and committed to your BF. It tells me that you know there is someone out there who would be a much better match and bring the happiness you really want in to your life. It could turn out that it isn't your ex, but someone you have yet to meet.

I wish you well. I didn't listen and heed the warnings to my wonders/questions/worries the first time around. That marriage ended in divorce.