 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
Dec 04, 2011, 03:08 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I need advice about a male I've been friends with since childhood. Let's call this male Josh. He's 16, the same age as me.
Josh and I have a very good friendship. We are very open with each other. I can tell him anything and he feels the same way. He's my best male friend. MATURE READERS ONLY Lately our conversations have become more sexual. We will talk about having sex and things like that. At points, we'll talk about having sex with eack other. I thought he was just messing around because he's never really had a girlfriend. I didn't think he was serious about wanting to have sex with me. Yesterday, I went over to his house. We were alone in his room. I don't want to give out the details, but we came close to having sex. His mom came in to check on us before we had the chance to do anything. I don't know what to do.
What do I do in this situation?? Any advice??
__________________
________________________________________________________ "It ain’t easy growin' up in World War III Never knowin' what love could be, you’ll see I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done my family" -- P!nk, 'Family Portriat' --
|
|
#2
Dec 04, 2011, 03:34 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I'd tell him you just want to be friends
|
|
#3
Dec 04, 2011, 03:44 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Thank you, the lone wolf
I guess that is the best thing to do. It's just, I really do want to have sex with him  . so it's a little hard to say 'no'.
__________________
________________________________________________________ "It ain’t easy growin' up in World War III Never knowin' what love could be, you’ll see I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done my family" -- P!nk, 'Family Portriat' --
|
|
#4
Dec 04, 2011, 04:12 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I'm a little confused of your relationship. I have a couple guy friends I see as brother figures and I could never have sex with them. Mostly bc it would feel like I was having sex with my brother. So do you ACTUALLY feel that way? I guess I just don't understand wanting to have sex with a guy you see as a brother?
How does he feel? Does he only want friends with benefits or does he actually like you? Why can't you see yourself dating him? I feel like maybe you're not being completely honest with yourself here. |
|
#5
Dec 04, 2011, 04:32 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
salukigirl,
That's whats confusing me! I've always thought of him as a brother, now it just isn't the same. It's like somethings changed between us, and I don't know what to do. I care about him. I love him, but I'm not in love with him. That's kinda why I think of him as a brother and not someone I would date. I'm not sure how he feels. We've never really talked about it. I don't think he actually likes me. He doesn't act like it, anyway. I don't think I'm being honest with myself, thats why I was hoping to get help from you guys. My feelings are confusing me. I want to have sex with him, I want to be in a relationship with him. But, we've always been like brother and sister. I don't know what changed, but it makes things really complicated between us. I'm sorry if I'm not making much sense.
__________________
________________________________________________________ "It ain’t easy growin' up in World War III Never knowin' what love could be, you’ll see I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done my family" -- P!nk, 'Family Portriat' --
|
|
#6
Dec 04, 2011, 04:40 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Things change and there isn't anything wrong with exploring relationships and your sexuality. 16 is such a confusing time and suppressing those thoughts and feelings won't do anything to benefit you.
Personally, I think if you are mature enough to engage in having sex, then you need to be able to openly talk about the status of your friendship. He obviously feels the same way physically from what you describe. I would tell him that you both need to have an honest discussion about where you stand right now. If one of you wants something the other does not, that can very quickly turn into jealousy and resentment. Especially if they end up dating someone else. I have been in this situation before. This guy had a huge crush on me for a few years but I was dating someone so we were just friends. I broke up with the guy and had been single for a little while and decided to try it out. We kissed, never slept together. Ended up feeling weird and we are still friends to this day (8 years later). In fact we are texting right now about fantasy football haha My situation worked out well but that doesn't always happen. Open communication is needed for friendships and relationships. This should be good practice for both of you no matter the result. |
|
#7
Dec 04, 2011, 04:56 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Thank you so much salukigirl,
I just don't want to mess up our friendship. And, for some unkown reason, I think talking to him about this will hurt our friendship. I want to talk to him about it. I'll try to next time I get the chance to talk to him. I'm just worried that he might not want me for anything more than sex and friendship. I mean, that he wouldn't want to date me. But not talking about it could cause more problems. I really do need to talk to him about it, don't I? Is it awkward between you and your male friend?? Like talking about relationships and things like that? Or do you two even talk about stuff like that?? I hope my situation works out.
__________________
________________________________________________________ "It ain’t easy growin' up in World War III Never knowin' what love could be, you’ll see I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done my family" -- P!nk, 'Family Portriat' --
|
|
#8
Dec 04, 2011, 05:05 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
It was a little awkward at first but it's been so long we can joke about it now. I have dated other guys and he has dated other girls.
If he isn't okay with even talking about it then I would reexamine your friendship. Situations like this show you who your real friends are and who is just around to get what they want. I hope it works out for you, too. Keep us posted. |
|
#9
Dec 04, 2011, 05:06 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Try and be honest with yourself and feelings so you dont struggle , Im alot older and have a close male friend, I also tried to deny my feelings cause i thought he wouldnt see me that way, i was wrong he did, i love him in the more than a friendship way and did for a while but did the same, i was in denial,,i wish we could be together now, unfortunately theres other reasons why he feels we can't
 , I hope things work out for you guys...
|
|
#10
Dec 04, 2011, 05:12 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
salukigirl,
I think he will be ok with talking about it. I just don't know what he'll say and that worrries me. I will keep you guys posted.
__________________
________________________________________________________ "It ain’t easy growin' up in World War III Never knowin' what love could be, you’ll see I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done my family" -- P!nk, 'Family Portriat' --
|
|
#11
Dec 04, 2011, 05:16 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
FeelingHopeful,
I'm one of those people that hides their feelings out of fear. I find it really hard to be honest with myself. But I am trying my best to be honest about the way I feel. I'm just worried about messing things up with Josh. I'm soo sorry to hear about that  I hope things get better for both you and me.
__________________
________________________________________________________ "It ain’t easy growin' up in World War III Never knowin' what love could be, you’ll see I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done my family" -- P!nk, 'Family Portriat' --
|
 FeelingHopeful
|
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
