[citrix]

so i've been with my boyfriend for almost nine years, we have a 7 year old daughter together and i have 2 children of my own. throughout those nine years things have been insanely out of control. i've hd hints that he has cheated, all i ever hear is what is wrong with me, arguments have gotten so bad that it has gotten physical by both of us, insults are thrown at me all the time, he also throws in my face anything that he has ever purchased or when we've gone out to eat all together and he pays or when he has to drive me or the kid somewhere. and despite everything i've mentioned theres more. now my issue is that i've old him many, many, many times to just pack up his things and leave since he has so many problems with me, and he refuses to leave. on top of that he feels that he doesnt have to help pay bills in the house. he owns his own house and feels that since he has to pay bills for that house(that he doesnt live in) that he shouldnt have to pay bills in my house that he lives in or that should help him pay for the other house. now the other house doesnt have anything under my name and i dont live there so itell him that he lives in my house and should help pay bills, and to that he says im greedy and just want more money. i have tried packing his clothes and the minute i touch anything thats his he grabs me and pushes me or has choked me and even pulled my hair and has said he's bigger and can control me. i am constantly having to put up with the insults, name calling and i feel so depressed and stressed out all the time. i dont know how to get him to just leave my house and leave me alone, where i dont have to worry about him acting like a stalker(which he did when we broke up a few years ago for a few months). i am trying really hard to do this without involving cops or courts and i dont know what else to do...any ideas or comments would be appreciated, and fyi if anyone wants to call me stupi or dumb for my situation please just dont write, i get enough of that from him...thanks, and thanks for reading.

[salukigirl]

There is nothing stupid or dumb about you or your situation. As for the money...I understand him not 'wanting' to pay since he owns his own house but...if that's the case then he needs to leave. He sounds like he just wants absolute control over you. I hope neither of you have ever been physical with your child. This is abuse in every sense of the word and it sounds like it would be best for everyone if you two were apart. Have you gone to talk to the police? If he is physically hurting you or the child (or both), call them and have him arrested for assault. This is absolutely unacceptable.

And there is always the whole thing about "but he is my child's father". In this case, it sounds like the child is being harmed by you two staying together. It would be better to grow up not knowing your father than to see this kind of emotional and physical abuse.

I would check out women's shelters in your area and talk to someone. These people are there specifically for situations like this and know how to help - but you have to be the one to seek it out. Please do not let this go any further! You and your child do not deserve this! Please get out as soon as you can. I know that sounds easier than it is but you need to protect yourself.

(((((((hugs)))))))

[faerie_moon_x]

I say that even if your children are not being hurt physically in any way by all of this, viewing it is definitely hurting her emotionally. Even if they are not in the room when it happens, fights that escalate to physical contact still effect the kids. Also, it is still considered child abuse even if they are not hurt in any way.

So you really, really need to take the adult road in this relationship and get out of there. I know this is hard. This is your house. But this is a dangerous relationship, physically and mentally, for everyone involved.

I know you don't want to involve the cops. But if he has a history of stalker behavior, and won't leave or get out, then you have to go. You don't deserve this treatment, and your kids don't deserve to see it. So, when he's not there, don't worry about his stuff. Just grab as much of your stuff as you can and head out to a local women's shelter, church, or any organization that helps women in your situation. They can help you and protect you.

If you stay and anything happens to your kids, you will be held equally responsible. Even if it was an accident.

Please take care and I hope you find a better situation.