reliving it: what's the point?

A friend of mine is having to deal with a coworker's therapy-induced resurrection of childhood beating (that's about all I know of what happened). He's (the friend's friend) been real tender all summer and fall, especially since his split with the gf. Bawling like a baby, lot of anger, the poor guy is a mess. To my mind, if there ever was a time for a med to help him through this rough patch it would be now but his therapist has thus far declined to prescribe him anything and he himself claims not to want anything like that. So, my friend is left to deal with his tantrums at work; it's a small shop and therefore hard to get away from the guy. Coincidentally, my friend, his friend and I all belong to the same AA group and my friend's friend is actually his sponsor. It's a weird situation no matter how you slice it.

I don't get the need to dredge all of his past up. This is one reason why I probably won't go back for therapy, ever, period, exclamation point. Too many nitwits in the profession. Having said this, I'd be happy to hear an opinion on why it is helpful to "dredge" a person's history if it's not absolutely necessary. Or, if you experienced something like this which WAS helpful. And secondly, if it's absolutely necessary, why in Christ's name can't he at least be given some kind of anti-anxiety med while the T is getting his jollies off?

My understanding is that in order to move on from memories of abuse, the feelings that we have associated with it now have to be "processed" (whatever that means) - so I guess if the feelings are dampended down with medication then the processing cannot take place.

Is there an option for this person to take some sick leave while they are going through such hard stuff if it is affecting them at work?

If we don't unbury the dark, the dark tends to eat us up, as it were, insidiously damaging our life in the present.

I agree with SD, it sounds like some sick leave or annual leave is in order.

If they're not keen on medication, there are natural options that can soothe things, if they're that way inclined, and which don't dampen the processing. [Rescue Remedy, for example.]

I get it, somewhat, the process, though I wouldn't choose that route for myself. I'm much more in favor of proactive measures, looking forward, developing techniques for living more fully and not dredging up the past except to acknowledge that X happened and I feel THIS WAY about X. Not getting into WHY I feel THIS WAY about X. Obviously X did something real bad to make me feel THIS WAY... But that's another thread.

Having said this, I'm absolutely in favor of whatever works for YOU. For my AA brother, I think there are meds that would allow him to "process" his abuse without becoming a weeping mess. We're in a depression (the experts call it a Recession) and no, this guy has no choice but to work and pay the bills. I think he's now eligible for SS so the load may ease a bit, if he's coherent enough to research his new benefits.

My friend (not the guy who's in therapy) who is a reticent guy , was disturbed enough by what he saw at work, to make a call to the therapist and explain what was going on. At the very least, the therapist should take into consideration everyone involved. The guy who leaves the therapist's office doesn't step out into a vacuum, he steps out into a real world, full of other people. Regardless of whether dredging up the past is fruitful or futile, the therapist should be handling his situation better.

It's not the therapist's 'fault'. If anyone, the blame lies at the door of the person who abused this person.

Taking a week or so off [from entitled annual leave or sick leave] should still allow them to be paid. Also, if he is diagnosed with a long term illness like depression, he should be allowed reasonable adjustments under disability law.

Around here, men don't take time off unless their leg is broken. Work is spotty so you make hay while the haying's good. And you certainly don't take a week off because of bad memories. This is just the way it is. AA is full of tough bastards like him.

You're right, he probably is perfectly eligible for disability but obviously, he's keen on working through it. Unfortunately, there are other people affected with his decision to stay on the job; it's a small timber-framing shop with maybe 6 people max. And that's where I'm saying, the therapist should acknowledge what's going on and make allowances for it. NOT just ploughing through his past, come what may, let the cards fall where they will. That is not a responsible way of handling his case. If you had to go to work and deal with a guy falling apart every day, for months, what would your reaction be? My reaction would be to call his therapist and say, this guy's a mess, what can you do to help the situation?

I didn't use the word fault. I did, however, say that the T ought to be more carefully weighing the pros and cons of therapy for this particular individual. One size does not fit all.

in my therapy experience my T has paced me so i feel safe dealing with issues like this. he used CBT therapy which includes dealing with how one feels now. the past is just referenced so the T can understand how to coach in an effective way.
also since he is in recovery he can benefit from a 4th step or mini 4th to see his part, if any, in how events occured. or consult other members with the same issues after the mtg. they may offer suggestions of how they overcame these concerns.

It's difficult to know what goes on in someone else's therapy, and whether or not their therapist or doctor is treating them appropriately. Lots goes on behind closed doors that only the therapist and the client know about. Maybe the therapist has suggested other treatments, including medication, and the guy has declined to pursue it; therapists have to respect a person's right to choose their treatments. Maybe the therapist has worked with him to contain the trauma issues, but the guy is unable or unwilling to try new coping strategies. It's impossible to know.

I guess at the end of the day, given that the therapist is aware of what's going on at work, he should adopt a different approach or refer him to someone else or firmly decline to treat the guy until he agrees to take an anxiety pill or some such. I don't know the dynamics in the therapy room, it's true but is it not the T's responsibility to see that his client is not adversely affected by his particular treatment? His responsibility extends beyond the 45 minutes a week he spends with him

The guy's vulnerable and he continues to go back to the T, obviously finding some benefit from the sessions. But if he's a damned mess, three months on, at what point do you step in and say, hey, let's take a break. I don't think you have to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

The points in relieving it:
- If it relieves itself through you without asking you - in memories that distract you and
cause you enormous suffering.
- If this unconscious relieving happens take a form of distorting your way of thinking,
taking away your sanity..makes you react in very irrational ways to normal
situations.

If you are ok and it doesn`t really bother you then you don`t need this treatment. But many people do . In the process of healing there is an intensive relieving of something that you pushed down for most of your life. If you don`t push it down back then, you need less of that awful relieving...

I get why people go to therapy and I understand why it is sometimes helpful to dredge up the past...but everyone seems to be missing the point I'm trying to make. No one has answered my question except to say basically,"Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead." My contention is that therapy can and should adapt to an individual's situation, especially if it is causing disruption in the workplace.

Do you want to go to a workplace where a guy breaks down every day and since there are only a handful of you, and you're his friend, you have to deal with it? If I were in therapy, no matter how helpful I felt therapy to be, I would not want to subject my co-workers to that. I would try a medication to help with the anxiety, I would do whatever was necessary so that I was not causing a lot of hassle with my coworkers. If the individual is not capable of making these decisions it seem to be that this is precisely where a good T could step in and exercise some of his/her prudence, judgement.

It sounds like you're more frustrated with your friend's coworker than anything. And you're right that your friend should not have to be putting up with extremely inappropriate behavior at work.

It's hard to know exactly what the situation is with the therapist though. Maybe this individual never mentioned to his therapist that he was having trouble with work? Or perhaps he's upset because these past issues are bothering him, and he and his therapist agree that exploring these issues in order to move past them is the best way for him to start feeling better? It's hard to really know what the situation is. It could be that the therapist is pushing him in inappropriate ways, but I wouldn't necessarily assume it.

As for medication - if any therapist I was seeing started demanding I take drugs, I would never go back. They'd be overstepping their bounds - especially since therapists can not prescribe drugs. They can suggest and refer, but certainly not prescribe, force, or coerce.

Since the issue is his performance in the workplace, it sounds like that's where the problem needs to be addressed. The therapist can't step in and speak with the workplace - only with the patient. Anything else would be a violation of confidentiality.

You're correct on almost all accounts, and we are admittedly, speculating about a few things. However the therapist IS aware of what's going on at the workplace, as my friend called him recently to make him aware of it. Thats my point. The therapist knows what's going on and has done nothing about it. I think my friend's friend may also not be in any position to make good decisions. This is where a good therapist steps in, in theory, shelves the Freudian approach and gets practical. I think some therapists spend too much time inside their cozy little offices and not enough time out in the world. And yes, I've had ample first and second-hand experiences with the bunch.

And I'm not advocating that the therapist should turn into a Nazi about it. On the contrary, if he is a resourceful guy, he will tweak the therapy so that it is not continuously a problem for everyone around the guy. I happen to like the guy myself, but I also am looking out for my friend.

Thanks for your input.

If i were the worker itself i would quit and find a place where i could stop breaking - lie i did yesterday.