I need some advice with my relationship

My girlfriend is very hard to talk to, when she is mad she likes to be left alone, but when I'm mad I like to talk to try and get over it, or discuss the problem. Obviously these are conflicting and sometimes make it worse. My girlfriend is older than I am. I've lent her a lot of money, which she says she will pay me back when her settlement comes in. (risky, i know, you can call me stupid for this one) I've recently posted in the depression section as well. I almost lost her due to the depression but I snapped at out it for a bit but I've been really mad today and it's coming back a little. So i've lent her lots of money and she wanted a dog so I said yes after 20 minutes of her asking. Later when I was home I thought about it and sent a text saying I wont be able to so she woke up and saw it and obviously got upset, but she said she was going to have someone else get it for her, which made me mad because that seems like some highschool **** right there... I told her thats gonna make me feel crappy.. she was like what ever about it pretty much, like I said its hard to talk to this girl. So later I found out that person said no too so shes been really mean to me all day. for example, she said "im pissed/aggravated/sad" then i said "well at least you get to spend the night at my house. (she used to sleep over a lot but got a 2nd job so our time was cut down from seeing each other about everyday to seeing her maybe once every 5 days for 30 minutes, so I'm obviously looking forward to her sleeping over tonight) she then responded with "im not happy, i dont wanna talk, ill text you later"

This made me really mad because i told her, this is why i said yes at first because if i said no right away i would have had to deal with you be in a bad mood and all pissy. so i got a little pissed, and tried talking to her which made her more mad because shes a little busy and likes her space when im mad.. but its hard for me, because im not doing much with myself at the moment, so i sit around and think too much.. i sometimes feel like i mean nothing to her, im afraid of being used, and being hurt. im the type that likes to talk to fix problems, because if not the sit inside me and get worse over time. one of my friends is telling that something is wrong here.

my girlfriend is 28, she had a rough past which i need to remember, so shes very independent. i really love her and she claims to love me too, i just dont feel it sometimes. this whole thing may have not even made any sense because im so mad that im shaking.. and i have so much i want to get out but i cant talk to this girl... what should i do? i really don't want to leave her or break up. i want to work everything out but it takes two to do that, and i feel like i always get blamed for our arguments. am i the one being immature? i just dont get it.. ask any questions i probably forgot to add some stuff.

When you say she likes to be left alone when upset, but you like to talk things out, I think your best bet is to just leave her alone so she can calm down and gather her thoughts.

When I was married I had the same problem with my husband. I was the quiet one & he liked to hash things out immediately. Sometimes I just needed to be left alone so I could cool down & think things through before getting even more upset & making things worse.

I realize you want to talk & work things out asap when something goes wrong, but when dealing with someone who prefers to keep quiet for a while, you either deal with it or find someone more like yourself. It's hard, but the truth.

I also think if you step away & leave her be before trying to talk to her, you might find that a particular situation really isn't worth even arguing over. Stepping back for a minute will also give you time to gather your thoughts more effectively before possibly saying something which could make things worse.

My ex husband never stepped back from me & would usually force the issue with me which made me extremely angry most of the time. He did not respect my needs or boundaries. He simply didn't understand me.

Understanding one's needs and how they work is key in relationships, obviously.

Hello there! This sounds like a similar situation I face with my current girlfriend, as when we argue over something I like to talk about it and she just wants to drop it and pretend like it's already worked out. The above poster gave some great advice. It sounds like whenever she shuts off it bothers you. I guess you need to just focus on yourself in those times. Tell yourself that it's not personal and it's just how she deals with problems. You deal with problems differently. You can't expect to just change her. You can't change her and how she deals with those things. What you CAN do however is tell her when you both are in a godo mood your concerns, that sometimes when you have an argument you'd like to work on things. And ask her what she is thinking when she's in an argument. It's sometimes best to work on these things when there isn't a problem at hand.

Ultimately though, you can't change her. You CAN be supportive and patient with her and when she is shutting down just focus on yourself and your own coping skills. Good luck

I got you, so the best thing to do is follow her wishes and leave her alone. She wouldn't even come out tonight and went out with a friend she always complains how she doesn't like. That made me feel a little low on the totem pole tonight, but I'll just do what ever I can to not think about her. Staying occupied is my biggest challenge. thank you guys, once again...

I wouldn't necessarily leave her alone. But like I said, talk to her about it when she's in a good mood and tell her your wishes. When she's in a bad mood, there's only so much you can to do help the situation.

It's hard not to take these things personally. You have to realize too that in order to love someone else, you have to love yourself first....it sounds like she is having a hard time doing that?? If this is the case, be extra patient with her. Try to be as good of a boyfriend as you can.

Stay occupied. There's no rule that says you can't be happy if everything isn't going great in a relationship. (easier said than done) but no really, you can still be happy even if things aren't exactly awesome. Don't let the situation rob you of your own joy.

with regards to your problem to tell you honestly i dont have that experience just like yours . .. The only thing that I can contribute with your problem is that. . just leave your anytime that she wants you to stay out or leave her behind and the moment shes calm down thats the right time you talk to her for if you insist to talk to her while shes mad that will probably create a fire and declare a war right?So just be patient . . .

And if that woman of yours really loves you I guess no matter how rough her past is. . . She will treat you fair and not treating you like your just somebody else. . or better confront her if she really loves you as much as you did. . . If the relation still works then continue but if it worsen I mean you cannot carry her attitude anymore then better cut it off before its to late the deeper the relationship is the deeper it hurts when it comes to breaking up. . . But still the decision is still yours . . just balance the situation think it twice , thrice , , its up to you . . just think and Pray for it. . .

Thank you ACanthony and Mgreetings00. The words are appreciated...