Attracting the same man, or following the same plan?

Okay so I'm a new (well, re-joining) member. I haven't even had my first posts/comments moderated yet, but I figured I'd jump in with both feet. Last time I was on here, I didn't put much into it and I plan to be more active this time.

I'm doing online dating, and I seem to be having abysmal luck. It's rare that I make the transition from communication to a date, even more rare if that date turns into a second date or further. Truly, I've only had one go past a first date. It ended two days after the third date. That was a week ago.

Everything was going really well. We hit it off on the first date and I felt our personalities complimented each other well. Even our lives were in compliment, working in the same field on the same shift. He seemed interested, initiating most of the communication, making plans on all of the days we had off together. He was attentive. He even made statements hinting toward future plans. No, not marriage...I mean, I said something about wanting to go sledding (even though we're in our 30's) and he said we'd definitely go when it snowed. He was great over phone/text/etc but seemed awkward and, frankly, disinterested in person. He had trouble looking me in the eye. He talked more about himself than ask questions about me. While he did ask to kiss me (and it was wonderful), he rarely complimented me. I'm not making this all about me and I don't need a guy to blow smoke but, I mean, I was doing all these things with him, sending all these signals his direction. To be fair, he didn't have a ton of relationship experience and was a shy guy. I'm an outgoing girl with a strong personality. But things started going off the rails--he out of the blue told me things wouldn't work out when I was attempting to change plans for our second date. We both work third shift (I also go to school) and I was simply too beat to go out and run around. He thought I was blowing him off. We still had a date (and worked it out) it just wasn't the thing we'd planned. Two days later, he definitively ended it... for the same reason. I was apparently blowing him off, though I don't know how. I was crushed. I don't know how I could have shown more interest without clinging to him or being a stalker. He said I was too hard to read, he didn't know what he wanted, I had over-the-top reactions, our communication styles were too drastically different, and also kept saying "I don't know" a lot which kinda tells me that, besides shutting down, he didn't have a clear picture of his needs and wants before dating me.

Yeah...I was crushed. I told him he wasn't being fair--we barely had a chance to get to know each other.

I don't know what it is that makes guys seem to run from me. I know it's not all them; I know it's mostly me. I've not had much relationship experience either. Men don't approach me in bars, when I used to go to church they didn't approach me in my college group. They just....don't. I've been told (by male and female friends) that this is baffling to them--I'm intelligent, fun, reasonably attractive...

I don't know. Does anyone else have this issue? I don't base my happiness on a man but I don't want to be alone my whole life.

I'm sorry you're having this problem! I'm not sure I can fully relate because I've been with the same guy for six years, and never really dated much before that. But one thing that comes to mind is maybe your body language. You mention that you seem unapproachable. Pay attention to how you stand -- do you stand with your arms crossed in front of your chest? That's usually a signal to others that you don't want to be approached. Also, smiling and eye contact can help you seem more receptive to people. And if all else fails, and there's someone you want to approach you, go ahead and approach them! If you have any insecurities, they're going to come out in subtle ways through body language, so maybe work on your self esteem and self confidence.

I also don't have any experience with online dating; but I've found that a lot of people who use the internet frequently are more comfortable with it as a form of communication and tend to tense up and get nervous in real life situations. Or some people simply express themselves better with the written word than verbally. Some of that might be coming into play when you try to move the relationship off line.

I'm sorry if this wasn't much help, but I mostly wanted you to know that I saw your post and I wish there was something more I could say or do to help you! I don't think you should give up hope. Maybe you need to try a different avenue for meeting people -- perhaps a club or group through the school you're attending or a community sport or something along those lines. Good luck!

I'm not sure either. I think it may have something to do with body language, though that's probably only a very small part of it. I've had people tell me, for example, that I don't seem like the kind of person who wants to be hugged when, really, that isn't the case at all!