How to get over my ex who also happens to be my best friend?

This is a long and very complicated story. I started dating this girl in 2007, we dated for a year and then moved in together. We lived together for two years but I felt like I was not happy because of many things that happened at the beginning of our relationship that I just couldn't get passed (now that I look back, some of them were really stupid). We ended up splitting after being together for over three years. We each got our own apartment but we decided to try to be best friends, so we did; but now I realize that we were having a relationship without having one. We would spend most of the time together, see each other every day, make plans together, do everything together! There was no physical contact or anything like that, but we were always sweet with each other. During this year, however, I fell in love with her again deeper than the first time, and I thought she felt the same way because she would always ask me to stay over at her house, she would hold my hand once in a while, she would text me telling me that she was thinking of me, would always tell me that I was her other half. I would try to give her space but she would always invite herself to come with me anywhere I would go. I became really attached to her and I was happy being with her all the time. I realize now that it was kind of unhealthy but I really love her so I was happy and I thought she was too, because she was the one that always wanted to be with me.

About a month and a half ago, she started acting very secretive with her phone, and wouldn't really want to hang out any more. I found out through facebook that she had met someone online and that they had started talking often. She would deny it at first but then after me being so persistent, she told me they had met and that they had already kissed. I was planning on asking her to get back with me after the holidays so this just killed me. I ended up telling her that I had fallen back in love with her and that based on her behavior, I thought that she was still in love with me as well. She said I had forced her to fall out of love and that she had found someone who she wanted to date. She said she felt trapped with me and I couldn't understand this because she was the one was would always invite herself anywhere I would go. She also told me that there was still hope for us. Slowly she started ignoring my text messages, didn't really want to see me any more and whenever I would see her she would be texting all the time. She completely changed. I felt betrayed by my best friend because I did consider her my best friend and I also got my heart broken by the same person. Since I was so used to her I started getting panic attacks, extreme anxiety, depression, could not sleep and so on. I begged her for a long time because she said that there was still hope for us, and even though she is already dating someone else, sometimes she still tells me the same thing. She says that she doesn't know what is going to happen in the future but what there will always be hope for us (whatever that means). I don't think she realizes what her words do to me because I am having a hard time moving on because of that hope she gives me.

So now, a month and a couple of weeks later, I still don't understand how she traded over four years of friendship and a relationship for someone seven years older than her that she just met online. I know we broke up one year ago and that it was all my fault, but we were still always together as if we hadn't. I love her with all my heart and I also treasure our friendship but I am very confused. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? I do not know whether to stop talking to her to be able to forget about her or just to continue being her friend hoping that she will come back eventually. I am still depressed and very anxious, the doctor put me on Xanax and sleeping pills but I don't want to take them any more because they make me dizzy and nauseous. I know I need to stop talking to her and seeing her because that causes me anxiety, but I don't want to just disappear on her because I don't want her to feel ignored or that I don't care for her. Should I tell her that I need to stop seeing her? Any advice? I feel extremely sad and lonely.

I'm sorry that this person is stringing you along. I know how it feels, I'm on the end of a string myself. Unfortunately, I do not yet know how to free myself. My situation is a little different right now, but I think I'm figuring out the person in 'control.' It comes down to them not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings by not telling them the cold hard truth. In reality, a person like that does not have your best interests at heart. They have you waiting on the back burner just in case other things don't work out. Or, they just cannot be alone. It sounds like you had developed a relationship which you were very dependent on each other. Do you have other friends? Try investing some time into them. Do you work, or go to school? In other words, maybe distract yourself in order to distance yourself. I've heard these lines she's feeding you before, and I know they are spoken only because the other person doesn't want to be the "bad guy." In the past, I think I've even said to someone, "I don't know what the future holds......" I know for sure I was only trying to soften the blow, and I regret being like that to the person because he couldn't let go. You seem like a really nice, innocent, and vulnerable person, and I think it would make you stronger to not have contact with her if it is causing you this much pain. Also, ask yourself if you truly love her........sometimes you'd be surprised at your answer. What we think is love sometimes ends up being another type of emotion. One more thing, please do not think that because it appears she has chosen another person over you, that means they are better than you, or anything like that. It's her, not you, and don't say the break up is all your fault. There were two of you contributing to the relationship, so each has to take their responsibility in why things didn't work out. Don't take all the blame.... I used to do that too, not good. Again, I'm sorry you're in this spot, it's no picnic.

Thank you very much for your kind words. I saw her on Friday and told her I wanted to have the least possible contact with her for now. We have two dogs and I am not willing to give them up and neither is she, so we are taking turns with them and it is the only communication I want to have with her (regarding the doggies). She texted me twice over the weekend so apparently she didn't get it when I told her not to text me unless it was regarding the dogs. I don't know if she wants to hurt me on purpose or what, but it sure seems like it. Today she told me she was going to take the day off tomorrow. Since her mom hasn't been doing ok, I asked her if anything was wrong, she replied telling me that she was going to take the day off to do something fun with that person she is dating now. =/ I really did not need to know all that, she could have just left her answer at "yeah, everything is ok" or whatever. I don't understand how someone can forget everything so quick with someone they just met and that is 7 years older than her (I am 26, she is 28, and the new person is 35), but I guess age doesn't matter and neither does anything else.

I do work full time, I already graduated college but I enrolled back in community college to have something to do, I start next month. I really want to meet new people but I don't know where to start. My problem is that we were so compatible, we both liked the same music, same shows, doing the same things, going to the same places, had the same goals... It's going to be really hard for me to find someone that can be as compatible with me as she was. I'm sorry I am going on and on but I am sure my friends and parents are tired of listening to me talking about the same thing and I don't know who else to talk to. I am really trying to move on but I guess deep inside I still have hope that she will realize that she is just infatuated with that person and she will come back to me. Two months ago our life was full of plans together and now I have nothing other than lots and lots of sadness and a big void that nothing seems to fill up.