[mike8743]

Hi
im new on here,im a dwm 54 really nice laid back guy,overweight,severe aniexty
im have been addicted to women all of my life sadistic personality disorder,
in this case,the woman has total control,and is metally and psycically abusesive,hard to believe
women with these traits are all im attracted to
they are out there ages 19 to 60 i befriend them,
my therapist says i have a builtin radar when im in a group of women,i somehow atract that one,and vise versa at age 54 how can i ever change that craving for that type of girl?
sexually im not able to get erect or have sex.
im also borderline personality rather than hurt myself,i find women to hurt my body for me
i guess i do not want to change as my tolerance to pain is extreme and i get offers from women to be used in video's of women inflicting pain on me,
my question?
If i feel okay inside letting a woman giving me psysical abuse on video helping her income out,and mentally she does not abuse me,i feel okay with that versus a woman abusing mentally that hurts worse than anything
so befriending women that abuse psycically and not mentally am i not improving myself?the 20s age group of women is the friendship age i attract?
any women out there in the 20s age group give me feedback as well as all age groups,men i know your thinking im gay or a *****,well im not!
I guess this is what 2 people agree on that being me and her?
there is no love,just friends only and she inflicts pysical pain which i crave
then is she getting more out of it then using me in a video and to use as a stress outlet?

[Perna]

Abuse is never healthy. I believe you are addicted to the physical pain (it releases good feeling endorphins), that you may be seriously depressed by your life.

http://www.thepositivemind.com/tpm/a...ssarticle.html

I would not say you are getting better, just because you choose to switch to one kind of pain instead of some of both. Your interactions with others, especially women, is not healthy in any way, for either person.

[shezbut]

That sounds very sad to me, Mike.

Welcome to PC, btw.

I'm 40 something now, but I used to get a real thrill out of punching my boyfriends. Not that I did it all of the time ~ not like that. But at a phase, early in the relationship, where he's be bragging about his strong ab's (Or something like that) and offer to be a punching bag. I happily took them up on the offer every time!

For me, it was twisted payback for making me suffer due to their desires as I grew up. (SA and EA) Twisted because these guys weren't around in my childhood or adolescence. I asked my hub (early in our relationship) if he'd allow me to hit him, once or twice, and he replied "only if you want to get hit back!". That's when I began to see this sick pattern I'd fallen into. I stopped.

It's been about 17 years since I've done it. No desire to do it again. Now I can see that re-aimed the anger more towards myself. Not healthy either, of course. But I'm working on it with a T and taking med's. Recognizing the unhealthy behavior is first on the list. Getting yourself to step back is next. And find a healthier outlet for emotional thrill. Because something has to take it's place on your list of things to do.

Best wishes!