[Lyzzyy]

My ex of five years and I broke up about a year ago but remained together all the time, as if we were still in the relationship. Up until about a month ago we would spend every single day together, go everywhere together, spend the night at each other's house, make plans together, do absolutely everything together (kind of unhealthy, I know). From one day to the next my ex started dating someone else and put me completely aside, but I haven't been able to leave our relationship in the past and therefore, I am having a really hard time coping with everything.

From one day to the next I was no longer the most important person, my texts were being ignored, my ex didn't want to hang out any more and so on. I feel replaced and very depressed and lonely because I have no other friends.

My ex was able to move on but still wants to be friends because we were best friends for so long. I feel like I need some space to be able to heal but at the same time I feel bad not being around as a friend. I am just having a hard time knowing that there is someone else that is more important now, and I feel like a side dish. It all happened so fast and I always thought my ex still cared about me the same way and that we would end up back together eventually. I didn't see any of this coming.

Anyway, how can I be friends with my ex and put my other feelings aside?? we have to still have contact regardless because we have two dogs and neither one of us is willing to give them up.

[Irreplaceable]

I've never been friends with an ex...Once the relationship is over, it's over...Don't text me, call me, twitter me, face book me...Nothing...We done...I see no point in being friends with exs...Partly because I never wanted what happened to you to happened to me...And well, because I believe the past should be left in the past...I leave and don't look back...

Edit: My advice is to cut off contact with him...Once you are intimate with someone and have a relationship with them, it's difficult for you to go backwards...Meaning, you've already been intimate and had a relationship with him...Now you want to go back to having nothing basically? Because that's really what's going to happen...He has already shown you that once he gets involved with someone, he is gonna basically drop you as a friend...Move on..Find someone who is available...

[gimmeice]

I am friends with a few of my exes, it took time apart to develop that though. You have to work on getting past the relationship for it to work, even if you don't start dating others you have to be okay with him dating other people.

Your situation is complex because you were together so long and you two are sharing dogs but with time it may work.

[Lyzzyy]

Thank you both for responding!

Irreplaceable, I know what you mean, people tell me that all the time and I see it now but we were friends for a year up until my ex started dating and then everything changed. I guess it becomes more difficult once a third party is involved but it is just hard to let go of someone you spend so many years with, specially when they are willing to be friends. But yeah, I need to move on.

Gimmeice, yeah right now we are taking some time apart until I fell ok with my ex dating someone else... Hopefully it will work out in the future although right now it hurts a lot.

Happy new years to both of you, hopefully the upcoming year will be better

[Irreplaceable]

Originally Posted by Lyzzyy

Thank you both for responding!

Irreplaceable, I know what you mean, people tell me that all the time and I see it now but we were friends for a year up until my ex started dating and then everything changed. I guess it becomes more difficult once a third party is involved but it is just hard to let go of someone you spend so many years with, specially when they are willing to be friends. But yeah, I need to move on.

Gimmeice, yeah right now we are taking some time apart until I fell ok with my ex dating someone else... Hopefully it will work out in the future although right now it hurts a lot.

Happy new years to both of you, hopefully the upcoming year will be better

It's good that you two were friends first...I can't say that I've ever been friends with someone before starting a relationship...We meet, we date, then relationship...With the guy that I am with now, we decided we wanted to take it slow and get to know each other before making it official....So, I guess in away, I wouldn't know how to handle cutting off all ties with someone you would consider a friend...Plus, the only other relationship I had ended bad..I guess the best answer is to put YOU first and everything else will fall into place...If you are willing to be friends with him, you will have to accept that you won't be friends the way that you were before because things have now changed...I think that this kinda thing COULD turn messy...Because as you said, there are 3 people involved...Alot of women wouldn't be too cool with their bf being friends with an ex...Then again, some don't care...But somewhere down the line, if they became more serious, then I think it would become more of an issue depending on how much time you spend with him and what you two do together...And that is where the rift between the 3 come into play...What you said in your post describes the same story that alot of people tell when they are friends with an ex..It just seems like in the end, it never really works...Or the dynamics of the relationships greatly changes...Every situation isn't the same though...I bet once you start dating someone, this issue probably won't be an issue like it is now...Because you will have someone else to do all the things that you did with your ex when you were friends...People come into your life for a reason...Friends sometimes come and go...It's a part of the game...Best of luck to you...

[ocd5mom]

I am still friends with many of my exes and but it took a little time for me, and them, to make that adjustment and not feel bitter or awkward. Its important that you find a way forward for yourself firt I have always believed. That was what was important for me. After some time I was able to be friends with them and to move forward. You will find your way forward, it will justtake time. I'm hoping and praying for the best for you.

[JLarissaDragon]

I am friends with my exhusband now but it took along time. It depends on what kind of relationship you had and what happened to destroy that relationship. In my case he was sleeping with the neighbor while I was at work. In addition to the threesome going on my daughter was abused by the neighbors. It took a long time to forgive him but with God's help and major counseling I was able to. On the other hand I am friends with several people that I at one time dated. Just need to have a little time and space otherwise you may find it hard to put behind you

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Lyzzyy

I feel like I need some space to be able to heal but at the same time I feel bad not being around as a friend.

You make it sound as if your "job" is just to hang around in case he needs you as a friend; that's not what friends do! Friends live their own lives and, if they do need their friends, they reach out for them and the friend is there or not each particularly time, depending on their own circumstances.

Each person gets to decide what they feel they are getting from a friendship and whether they want to continue being friends with that person. Not being "friends" does not mean you dislike each other or the other cannot call on you if they wish, it just means that you have other things going on in your own life so you don't particular reach out to that particular person anymore and the friendship, at least in your own mind, lapses.

I am friends with my husband ex-wife She and I, being woman, can often discuss certain things together better than she and my husband (she considers me a friend, I respond to her readily but don't necessarily ask her for anything in return; I am friends with her much like my husband is, because she is the mother of his children and "family". I am sure, too, if I needed her help with something she would do her best to help me. We remain friends because of our proximity as members of the same family and our attending some of the same family events and my outreach to her (I hold "Mother's Day" every year; she and her boyfriend come as well as sometimes her sister and sister's boyfriend and her late-80-something year old mother!).

You can only live your life so, by all means go off into it and make some space if that is what you feel you want and need! It may or may not affect the friendship but you are not here to be his sidekick friend when/if he has trouble with his new girlfriend or whatever.

Originally Posted by Lyzzyy

My ex of five years and I broke up about a year ago but remained together all the time, as if we were still in the relationship... It all happened so fast and I always thought my ex still cared about me the same way and that we would end up back together eventually. I didn't see any of this coming.
Anyway, how can I be friends with my ex and put my other feelings aside?? we have to still have contact regardless because we have two dogs and neither one of us is willing to give them up.

Hi Lyzzzyy! The biggest thing that struck me, and I hope this is not too bold, is that you thinking that you'd get back together again is undoubtedly the source of your bad feelings about this. "Ex" and "get back together" don't make a good mix and are pretty much a recipe for heartbreak. To me, ex means ex. Past, not present -- the very meaning of "ex", after all. It doesn't mean you can't be friends, but, imo, you're going to have to really understand that for even a chance for friendship to work. You DO need space to heal. Don't worry about the friend thing right now, it's time to process and let go. Trying to do both at once? Definitely wouldn't recommend that. No sense in muddling the waters you are trying to navigate.

In answer to your post title. Yes, I am friends with my ex. Totally amicable break. 25 years. We fizzled over a long span. Never lost mutual respect, though. He is a good man. We just didn't belong together anymore. So if I respect him, and he respects me, why would we not wish each other the best? Isn't that what friends do?

[Feiticeira]

Yes, I am friends with a few of my exes, it's usually because I/we feel we are better friends than partners. As long as there is no jealousy then this is completely possible and no underlying feelings for the other that's being unstated.

[LADYBUG96]

Yes, I am friends with my ex-husband- we have joint custody of our 15 yr old son and we live 730 miles apart, so we have to communicate to coordinate flights, etc. But I find we actually get along better now then when we were married.

[Lyzzyy]

Thank you all so much for replying... After reading all your posts I realized that right now I do feel like I need time for myself. I am feeling better day after day and I realize that everything happens for a reason. It's hard to stop seeing someone after you are with them 24/7 for 5 years and all of a sudden they are dating someone else, but I also understand that it happened for the best and maybe some day we'll be able to be friends again, once the wounds heal.

I wish each and every one of you a great 2012!