[Uncodable]

hey guys I have been wondering how I can change the way I react and feel in a confrontation. not a physical confrontation like a verbal one. I tend to get embarrassed and like get a bit snarky my eyes water and my face goes red I want to be able to be laid back, relaxed not take it personally I want to be able to act like the mentalist as an example. how do I make myself not care what outcome comes from a confrontation. I think if I can change this part of my life I will have a lot less worry.

thanks, Jake.

[Callmebj]

Hi Jake, Knowing your triggers is a good start. It takes a lot to control them I have found out. You have the right idea to emotionally withdraw. I don't agree not caring about the outcome of a confrontation is healthy. Especially if it you, one on one with another. One of the quotes I like best; "People may not remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel!" Disengage as much as you possibly can,
winning may not actually be a win in one upmanship.

[JLarissaDragon]

A lot of how you respond is related to who you are and your emotional makeup. I struggle with similar issues. Sometimes detaching is the best you can do. I agree with the other posters -- trying to identify those things that trigger your strong feelings is an important step. I have done a lot of work to try to find my triggers, It helps a lot but even so I want to run away rather than face the music. In some cases if the confrontation involves verbal abuse it is often the only wise thing to do --to walk away

[Uncodable]

Thanks for your input, also what I meant by not caring what the outcome is, is if I win or lose. I didn't mean I want to not care if me and my friend were arguing and we weren't friends any more or anything like that. also what do you mean triggers? like what gets me upset? if I do find out what my trigger's are how do I successfully use that knowledge to help me? also what you are saying is that I shouldn't take it personally.