When I first started at my last job, everyone talked to me but Carla. She didn’t wanna be my friend and never liked me right from the start. I can’t bear it, so I begged and tried to pay her $$$, which she turned down. They called corporate on me but luckily for me, all the higher-ups did was put me on a different shift from Carla. Still, I needed an anger outlet, so I treated other coworkers like shyt, esp the people Carla DID like. I basically verbally attacked them regularly. I got written up for that and then flicked off my boss for writing me up. Luckily, she didn’t see the finger. I also stared at Carla on my days off and got told to leave the building, which I did…1 hour later. But really, I just desperately want her to talk to me. Finally, I found out Carla added everyone on FB but me, so I screamed at my boss in front of customers. They suspended me 2 weeks. I returned to work to on-call hours and ostracism, so I quit 3 weeks later. I spent 13 months total on that job.

Thing is, Carla hurt me. I remember pleading w/ my boss on FB to make Carla like me. Also, whenever Carla snubbed me, I reported it to the boss, who said to let it go. (For instance, Carla won’t sit at my table, etc.) I also ripped buttons off Andrea’s coat bc Carla’s her friend and not mine (no one found out.) I just need everyone to like me. Carla used to hate Jane for a while until Jane accidentally made coffee wrong and burned ppl. Carla thought it was funny and they were firends. I purposely made coffee wrong, burned myslef and Carla hated me even more.

Recently, she bought xmas presents for 2 people at her work. How come she likes them and not me? Hell, she didn't even accept my christmas present last year! Why did she have to hurt me?

[Perna]

Hi, ruby. It sounds like you are giving Carla all your personal power; you don't decide who you like, you let other people call the shots. If you attack other people because they are her friends, I don't see anything that makes you seem friendly, that other people would want to be friends with?

You cannot buy people's interest, you really want Carla to like you and, as your story shows, no one can change your mind about that (besides you). If, for whatever reason she was not interested in you, no one can change her mind about that besides her, but why should she? No one can be friends with everyone, it does not work that way; you are not friends with all the others, look at how you have hurt them? Being like other people cannot work either because you are not those people. You have to be like yourself only and people will be attracted to that or not, depending on their own interests and needs.

Originally Posted by Perna

Hi, ruby. It sounds like you are giving Carla all your personal power; you don't decide who you like, you let other people call the shots. If you attack other people because they are her friends, I don't see anything that makes you seem friendly, that other people would want to be friends with?

You cannot buy people's interest, you really want Carla to like you and, as your story shows, no one can change your mind about that (besides you). If, for whatever reason she was not interested in you, no one can change her mind about that besides her, but why should she? No one can be friends with everyone, it does not work that way; you are not friends with all the others, look at how you have hurt them? Being like other people cannot work either because you are not those people. You have to be like yourself only and people will be attracted to that or not, depending on their own interests and needs.

Carla also happens to be related to the boss. Maybe that's why management allowed her to hurt me.

I will be updating regularly. Recently, Carla attended the graduation ceremony of another coworker. I'm jealous bc Carla always liked her but never liked me. If I ever graduate from college, will Carla attend my ceremony too? It's really hurting me right now.

[Koko2]

Every workplace has its Carla. The next place you work will have a Carla although her name will probably be different. That is the sad reality of life. I don't know what else to say except good luck.

[Suki22]

just out of curiousity, how old are you? are you still in high school? your profile doesn't indicate where you are in your life which may or may not explain your obsession with this one coworker in particular...

Originally Posted by Koko2

Every workplace has its Carla. The next place you work will have a Carla although her name will probably be different. That is the sad reality of life. I don't know what else to say except good luck.

Yeah. Unfortunately I know that all too well. Carla was at the fast food joint. There was also a Carla at wal-mart, only her name was Emily. I reacted similarly and got canned for that, particularly for workplace violence when I head butted the fitting room pole in front of customers. And college had Jessica who snubbed me. I got kicked out for smashing and throwing stuff.

Originally Posted by Suki22

just out of curiousity, how old are you? are you still in high school? your profile doesn't indicate where you are in your life which may or may not explain your obsession with this one coworker in particular...

I'm an involuntary college dropout. And I'm 22.

[hoping4best]

We all have to deal with a 'Carla' at some point in our life. Rather there's always one at every time. Just deal with it. i'd say, you need to show this Carla that her presence/absence/liking/hatred doesnt matter to you AT ALL, that you give **** to what she thinks or does! Instead of taking out your frustration on other colleagues and co-workers, give this Carla a little hard time IF you must. But the best would be to just let it go. You dont need to befriend this young lady, trust me on this.

[sandworm]

Dear Ruby,
I am rather confused by your thread. It is true to me that having good relations
at work does help >get things done< and make it fun getting them done, but
....but, we do not work to when a popularity contest, unless that is
in the job description like "Miss America" contestant. We work to
be paid, pretty much "period".
Most of the population works for pay, under legal conditions.
less that most work to serve the public through product or service and to
do so eficientially. The efficienientally does not often happen though.

I am working on not caring what other's think of me, only what I
think of me.
It is making me 100 x happier.

SW

ruby...

carla does NOT have to like you. honestly no one HAS to like you. your family should but that doesn;t even always happen...

ok..you are 22...an adult...some of the stuff you right about would make me not like you at work..or out of work. some of the stuff it it continued would make me want to notify the police.

you write you have left college..not of your own choice. not a good thing.

you are 22. this may sound harsh...but grow up. do you see a therapist? unless you are rich, you need to work to support yourself. college heklps you get better jobs. carla & her types be damned. you have to learn how to act like a mature 22 year old. not like an out of control kid not getting their way.

someone will get angry & call the police at one point...trust me...do you want to go to jail over someone like carla? maybe as a young kid this was ok but now you are an adult...please get a therapist to help you so you can get your life on track & move on. you can only lose so many jobs before no one will hire you anyplace & then you are really in a bad place...

& yeah there will always be people who won;'t be your friend...oh well...like i said you can not force someone to like you...& the stuff you post on facebook...it's not private...when you apply for a job in the future other employers can go back & look at what you wrote & see it...not something you want floating around on the internet.

i wish you luck. i wish you a future.

[LazyLogophile]

I think Stumpy is on the right track. It seems like you have a desperate need to be liked by others. I think you have created an unconscious habit of basing your entire self worth on how you THINK other people see you. It is possible that Carla never hated you, but maybe did not see things the way you do and therefore had a difficult time relating to you. You might have perceived it as her not liking you, but becoming angry because she is not acting how you would like her to act will not help you, make you feel better, or force her to be your "friend". Even if it was acceptance, rather than friendship, that you were craving from her, it doesn't have anything to do with her as a person. It seems to me that you really need the ego satisfaction of being "liked" by everyone, and cannot tolerate someone being indifferent to you, or choosing to not associate with you.

I think you might benefit from some meditation, if you can quiet your mind for a while (which is difficult when your are emotional - I REALLY struggle with it). How much time and energy have you wasted on trying to make Carla, or other people who act like Carla, be the person you want them to be? How would you feel if the tables were turned, and someone was acting that way toward you? Why do you think think it matters so much to you that you are liked by everyone? Which would you rather have, people pretending to like you, or people being genuine towards you so you can find meaningful relationships with people who actually DO truly like you and appreciate you? Do you know who you are, what makes you happy, and where your personal boundaries lie (behaviors that you will or will not tolerate based on how healthy those behaviors are for your mental HEALTH)?

I read a post from you a while back stating that you felt like you didn't have any friends. You need to be able to respect other people's position in life, their outlook and views, even if those views are not what you would like them to be, before anyone can truly be your friend. A friend LOVES you for who YOU ARE, and encourages you to be strong, independent, and healthy. A friend will be there for you during your most difficult moments to help you pick up the slack when you are confused and weak. A friend also knows that YOU will also do these things for them. When you try and force people to comply with your will, you are not demonstrating character traits that would lead people to believe that you would make a good friend (based on the criteria above - and other criteria that I'm not bright enough to think of right now).

If you love and respect yourself, you will have an easier time loving and respecting others. I think a therapist would be very helpful for you. There might be issues in your past that you haven't dealt with, and are keeping you from finding that self love that is so important. Your life is so short! Don't waste time making yourself miserable and then projecting blame on others. This behavior only hurts you. Other people will simply respond to behavior like this by distancing themselves because they don't want to get hurt.

I feel like I'm coming off condescending, so here's a secret: we only see faults in others that we recognize in ourselves. I have struggled with the very same issues that you are writing about, as I'm sure a lot of people have. It's OK to feel disappointed sometimes, and it's OK to let yourself cry, or be angry, or feel slighted...but we all eventually have to make a conscious choice to either let our interpretation of what others are DOING TO US rule our actions and emotions, or we can focus on the things that make us happy and make an honest effort to not react to situations in a self-damaging way. Stop blaming, and start taking action to make your life better and love yourself more.

I sincerely hope you find happiness, and stop dwelling on what Carla or anyone like her thinks about you. I'm sure you are a beautiful person, inside and out, and I hope that you believe that about yourself soon!

Well, I know for a fact that Carla didn't like me bc she told me so. One day, I was trying to make a friendly small talk w/ her and she went, "We're not really friends." I asked y and she went, "I don't like you very much." Maybe I drove her into it bc not getting a clue that she didn't like me, but boy does that sting!

Originally Posted by stumpy

ruby...

carla does NOT have to like you. honestly no one HAS to like you. your family should but that doesn;t even always happen...

ok..you are 22...an adult...some of the stuff you right about would make me not like you at work..or out of work. some of the stuff it it continued would make me want to notify the police.

you write you have left college..not of your own choice. not a good thing.

you are 22. this may sound harsh...but grow up. do you see a therapist? unless you are rich, you need to work to support yourself. college heklps you get better jobs. carla & her types be damned. you have to learn how to act like a mature 22 year old. not like an out of control kid not getting their way.

someone will get angry & call the police at one point...trust me...do you want to go to jail over someone like carla? maybe as a young kid this was ok but now you are an adult...please get a therapist to help you so you can get your life on track & move on. you can only lose so many jobs before no one will hire you anyplace & then you are really in a bad place...

& yeah there will always be people who won;'t be your friend...oh well...like i said you can not force someone to like you...& the stuff you post on facebook...it's not private...when you apply for a job in the future other employers can go back & look at what you wrote & see it...not something you want floating around on the internet.

i wish you luck. i wish you a future.

I have been seeing a therapist for 3 years now, ever since I involuntarily left college. I guess I'm just starting to make a dent in my probs lol.

Update:

Star Wars make my blood pressure spike. March '10, my coworkers and I were discussing Star Wars and I mentioned I never saw Star Wars. They were surprised and stuff. Carla joined in our conversation and when a coworker told her I never saw Star Wars, she went, "Who cares?" That hurt me badly bc she just degraded me. Ever since then, the mere sight of Star Wars made my BP 140/90 and I'm usually 100/60.

Update:

When I first quit McD's, I was rehirable. Several months later, Christmas 2010 , I tried to bribe Carla with a Christmas present so she would like me. They told me to leave. I recently found out I'm not rehirable anymore. Why?