I'm at my wits end...

Hi everyone I'm new to this forum. I myself have been diagnosed with OCD stemming from anxiety and depression. But my real big issue in my relationship is my partners children's mothers. I know one of them has been diagnosed with bipolar.

But my biggest issue is that I want children right now. And they bother me do much because he was able to have the boys with them but he cannot fathom having one with myself ATM.

I see this as unfair and disrespectful to myself as I'm constantly caring for the boys either with him around or not.

I don't wish they weren't around. Because I love them dearly. But I am constantly concerned with their mothers and my partners relationship.(the past)

I have been told that I hold onto things too tightly. And that I need to try to distract myself. But every time I try my feelings just get worse.

I want nothing more than to have my own children, but his pasties holding us back. And seems to be stemming most of my issues.

I'm just wondering if anyone else is either in the same kind of situation. Or has any pointers

Kind regards

I do not think what your partner wants is about you. He has children and has difficulties with having them, i.e., he's separated from their mother(s) which makes relationships, child care and engagement more complicated and harder.

I am a stepmother and my husband and I discussed having children and he said, "I don't particularly want them, been there/done that, but it is up to you". I decided not to have children because I wanted any children of mine to have an interested father too. While my husband is a good father to his children and I am sure he would have been to any we had together, I could see he was beyond that stage in his life and so I had to choose which I wanted most: children or my husband's and my marriage/relationship being something we both would enjoy. I wanted my husband to be happy, first; I knew I could be happy with/without children.

If you want children that badly, I think you should find a partner who wants them too? It is not a "fault" that your partner is in a different place regarding children than you are, he's not deliberately being "mean" or trying to manipulate you by not wanting children with you, it is just the way it is.

He does want children but he's waiting untill we are finically stable. Which if that was the case for everyone we would never repopulate!

Its hard because I feel like I'm the only one contributing to this goal.

I would have a talk with him about financial stability then, and goals, etc. Can you support a child on your own, if you split with him or he dies/is injured? It is fine to want a child but it isn't just a biological drive decision, the child needs support to grow up and that is harder and harder in this world perhaps.

I think you are 21? How about setting a goal to be financially stable by age 26 (5 years for your partner, don't know his age, he sounds older than you?) with the goal being to be ready for a baby. That way you will be working on having a baby and it will be clear to both of you what each wants, is supposed to do, etc.?

We have talked about goals etc. and agreed(when I was just agreeing for the sake of it) the within a year we will either build or buy a house and go from there. This isn't what I want. I feel like I'm not being heard and anything I say dosn't matter.

About to go and have a T appt. Haven't been in the mood I'm in now for one yet.(which is why im going) I hope I get something out of it. This is the closest I've gotten to breaking it off in a while. Just seems unfair.

Makes me feel not good enough.

Makes me compare my life to his ex's.

And reminds me that he has made mistakes and he's not taking a chance with me.

Anyway
I shall fill you in!

Ok so t didn't really talk about my feelings just about the fact that maybe he's not being truthful with me.

Stuck in a baby obsessed rut right now. And it gets worse when I think about the boys mothers. They were good enough why aren't I? What did I do to deserve being held back?

Trying my best to not focus on anything right now. Going on a holiday just us two for a week to my grandparents we will have some time apart and some driving time to sort stuff out.

At the point where I'm feeling like its not worth going on anymore. That It would be better to leave or to not exist. Wouldn't do anything about either though. Too scared of both...