Characteristics of F & D Couples

Characteristics of Functional and Dysfunctional Couples :

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1. Dysfunctional: Being together and unhappy is safer than being alone.
Functional: Being together brings us joy and happiness.

2. Dysfunctional: It is safer to be with other people than it is to be alone and intimate with our partner.
Functional: Being alone and intimate with our partner is as safe as being with other people.

3. Dysfunctional: If I really let my partner know what I've done or what I'm feeling and thinking (who I am), (s)he will leave me.
Functional: When I really let my partner know what I've done or what I'm thinking (who I am), it increases our intimacy. It's met with acceptance.

4. Dysfunctional: It is easier to hide (medicate) our feelings through addictive/compulsive behavior than it is to express them.
Functional: We no longer need to hide and medicate our feelings through our addictive/compulsive behavior. We can express our feelings.

5. Dysfunctional: Being enmeshed and totally dependent with each other is perceived as being in love.
Functional: Being interdependent adds strength to the relationship.

6. Dysfunctional: We find it difficult to ask for what we need, both individually and as a couple.
Functional: We are learning to ask for what we need, both individually and a couple.

7. Dysfunctional: Being sexual is equal to being intimate.
Functional: Being sexual enhances our relationship (increases our intimacy).

8. Dysfunctional: We either avoid our problems or feel we are individually responsible for solving the problems we have as a couple.
Functional: We are learning to face our problems and not to feel individually responsible for solving the problems we have as a couple.

9. Dysfunctional: We believe that we must agree on everything.
Functional: We believe we don't have to agree on everything.

10. Dysfunctional: We believe that we must enjoy the same things and have the same interests.
Functional: We believe we can have different interests and enjoy different things and enjoy being together.

11. Dysfunctional: We believe that to be a good couple we must be socially acceptable.
Functional: We don't have to be socially acceptable.

12. Dysfunctional: We have forgotten how to play together.
Functional: We can play and have fun together.

13. Dysfunctional: It is safer to get upset about little issues than to express our true feelings about larger ones.
Functional: We are learning to express our true feelings about larger issues, and we are learning to resolve conflict.

14. Dysfunctional: It is easier to blame our partners than it is to accept our own responsibility.
Functional: We are learning to accept our individual responsibility.

15. Dysfunctional: We deal with conflict by getting totally out of control or by not arguing at all.
Functional: We are learning to deal with conflict and to fight fairly.

16. Dysfunctional: We experience ourselves as inadequate parents.
Functional: We accept our limitations as parents.

17. Dysfunctional: We are ashamed of ourselves as a couple.
Functional: We are proud of ourselves as a couple.

18. Dysfunctional: We repeat patterns of dysfunction from our families-of-origin.
Functional: We are recognizing and breaking the patterns of dysfunction from our families-of-origin.

That's great! I think I'll print it out and leave it for "him" to figure out who's the disfunctional one here? I'm guilty of some of the things listed, but I'm not alone!

this is great, Rhapsody!

Would you mind if I edited it to put spaces between each characteristic set? It's a little hard to read all in one block, but I think it's great information that all of us should consider!

Dear LMo,

Sure No Problem..... edit away - I tried but I found that the edit time had past on me.

Thanks....
LoVe,
Rhapsody -