My husband was molested by an Aunt when he was a little boy. It was his Mother's sister. While his mother worked, his Aunt would watch him. She touched his privates, exposed herself naked to him, and even tried to have sex with him (although at that age he was not physically able to, she tried her best by going through the motions) She later married and had 2 sons of her own and became very judgemental and "Uppity". She makes comments about other parents and their lack of competency. She looks down on others and lets the world know how wonderful she is. This drives me crazy to no end. I am the ONLY person my husband has ever told. I get angry at the way she has chosen to behave. The statute of limitations has expired on this crime and as far as we can tell, she is a good mother to her own sons, despite how she treated her sisters' son. I have tried to get past this but today I snapped. I created a fake facebook page and sent her a message detailing basically that someone knows what she did. I am feeling very guilty right now. My husband would kill me if he knew I even had a whisper about this issue to anyone. I wish I could take it back, but in my heart I would just like her to humble herself and stop treating other people like crap and acting like she is a saint. What do yall think? I know I can be petty but this has been bothering me for years. Thanks in advance.

Go delete the page/account. It is not your place to do this for your husband. As someone who has been through abuse, I would be seriously pissed if someone took it upn themselves to do what you just did. Your actions might force your husband into a confrontation he did not ask for, desire, or be ready for. If any confronting needs to be done, please allow him to do it at his own time and at his own pace.

I understand but I'm not sure that was a good way of humbling her. It will hurt others more than it hurts her. Can you take the FB page down or has it already been seen by her family?

Honestly, this would be deeply mortifying and would feel like an utter betrayal. Really bad move.

[lizardlady]

LightBulb7, I'm with the others on this. If you can, take the page down immediately. If someone were to publicly "out" my abuser I would be mortified and angry. It's up to your husband to confront his aunt or not. I empathize with your anger toward her for what she did to your husband, but it could seriously hurt your relationship with him if he discovers you betrayed his trust.

Thanks yall. I sent another message saying sorry, wrong person etc. hopefully it will end there. The message did not name names and the FB name was "Christopher Rock" with a pic of Chris Rock. Then I deactivated it so it should just say Facebook User. Hopefully she will feel relieved to a point that I stated it was the wrong person/same name but of course she remembers it so I think that will suffice my impulse. Thanks again.

[lynn P.]

I can understand your anger/frustration and sometimes when we're upset we get impulsive. At least you did this anonymously and took it down. Has your husband ever told his mother or thought of confronting her? I have a beef with my sisters husband over trying to get with me(unsuccessful), but it still bugs me that I let it go. I agree it would be annoying to see her pretend to be a great person. Her sons could be abused too and not show it - hope not. Sorry this happened to your husband - I hate child abusers and don't understand their brains.

[Poppy Princess]

I would've kept it up honestly. These people continue their behavior for a reason. They're aware everyone else is to weak to stand up to them.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Lightbulb7Seven

1) My husband would kill me if he knew I even had a whisper about this issue to anyone. I wish I could take it back

2) but in my heart I would just like her to humble herself and stop treating other people like crap and acting like she is a saint. What do yall think? I know I can be petty but this has been bothering me for years. Thanks in advance.

1) I am glad you got a lot of good advice and took it back. I am glad it was possible to take it back. Not only did your husband not positively authorize you to make the FB page, but, he would simply kill you if he knew you even had a whisper. So he very clearly did not want you to do that, and since he gets to decide on that matter.

2) You are justifiably annoyed by her self-righteousness. You are not being petty - her self-righteousness has indeed reached enormous proportions, so it is not petty to react the way you did. But, since you were not authorized to react the way you did, you did the right thing by following everybody's suggestion to take the page down.

[mojo321]

Taking the page down is good. Good, too, by covering with "sorry, wrong person".

Now, in your personal relationships with her, when she is being all self righteous, I don't see anything wrong with dropping little reminders that "we all have our weaknesses. It probably would be good for you to not judge others. I know I've done things I'm not proud of from my far past, haven't you?"

After a few of these hints, she may just start to figure out that he told you about it. (It doesn't take a psychology degree to assume that he would tell his spouse).

I actually have a similar situation. My wife was abused by her uncle when she was very young. When she told me, my relationship with that guy changed. I don't laugh at ANY of his jokes. And when all the guys are on the deck for "guy time" anything that spews out of his mouth makes me want to punch him. Or worse, out him for what he did in front of his whole family. I think I have given him the evil eye enough that he now knows that I know. I especially give him the evil eye when he talks about "women", if you know what I mean.

BUT my wife has asked me to not out him. To not do anything. I know it pains her to not be able to cope with the idea of outing him. I also know it pains her to have to cope on her own WITHOUT outing him. It is a real trap for her. Ultimately, it isn't for me to say anything. I can only support her choices.

So, we only go over on Christmas and Easter. Sometimes, his family can't make it. Those are the best holidays!

Wow, I am really grateful that I posted this here. I must confess that I smoke weed and I am often under the influence of marijuana. Sometimes this affects my behaviour in good ways and bad. I made this snap decision after some drama had gone down in Miguel's (my husband) family. I remember thinking, "Just do it" etc. strongly. Then I just about had a panic attack straight until I removed that page. I kept thinking that my husband secretly knew what I had done and that his family was all talking about me planning their next move and I would be an outcast. But the regret I felt after I did it was unrelenting and cruel, I would never do that again. I am glad that I felt what it would be like to have crossed that line permanently and outed his Aunt- I would have regretted it and it is NOT my place. Thanks everybody. Yours truly, Lightbulb7

[lizardlady]

Might be a good thing to not let yourself on online if you've been smokin', huh? It's amazing the things folks think sound like a good idea when under the influence, then regret when straight.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by lizardlady

Might be a good thing to not let yourself on online if you've been smokin', huh? It's amazing the things folks think sound like a good idea when under the influence, then regret when straight.

I totally agree.

I write when I am under the influence of marijuana but never send anything to anybody. I re-read and edit and make the decision on whether to send it when I am not under the influence.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being under the influence, in my opinion, and it does spur many good processes, but you need to have "checks and balances" in place, such as re-reading when not under the influence.

But to the extent that you started doubting yourself and posted about it and reacted to the advice by taking the page down, you DO have checks and balances in place - you really do!

I wasn't as mature I would like to believe! I was petty and I regret it. I did feel some cathartic release once I did it, though, it was not worth it. I guess I might have done something worse, like exploded at a family event etc. if I had not done this, so I am not entirely regretful. It was a learning experience. As to not posting when I'm smoking etc., I agree. Usually I avoid the computer when I've been smoking with Miguel etc. but this time I was left to my own devices so to speak. Thanks again yall.

[hamster-bamster]

a cathartic release is a good thing, too...

[Dionysius]

Originally Posted by Lightbulb7Seven

Wow, I am really grateful that I posted this here. I must confess that I smoke weed and I am often under the influence of marijuana. Sometimes this affects my behaviour in good ways and bad. I made this snap decision after some drama had gone down in Miguel's (my husband) family. I remember thinking, "Just do it" etc. strongly. Then I just about had a panic attack straight until I removed that page. I kept thinking that my husband secretly knew what I had done and that his family was all talking about me planning their next move and I would be an outcast. But the regret I felt after I did it was unrelenting and cruel, I would never do that again. I am glad that I felt what it would be like to have crossed that line permanently and outed his Aunt- I would have regretted it and it is NOT my place. Thanks everybody. Yours truly, Lightbulb7

Hi friend, as others have said I can understand why you did it, sometimes we all do things like that, you are such a sensible person and letting off steam is good, but not on facebook!! Still it worked out OK I think. I have a long list of "people" on whom I want revenge, bite my tongue!! Good luck, Dionysius.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Dionysius

Hi friend, as others have said I can understand why you did it, sometimes we all do things like that, you are such a sensible person and letting off steam is good, but not on facebook!! Still it worked out OK I think. I have a long list of "people" on whom I want revenge, bite my tongue!! Good luck, Dionysius.

I agree - I mean, employers look at what is posted on FB... it really can be a can of worms, FB...

at any rate, this is in the past and no lasting damage done.