I hate myself....

Well to start off I always feel alienated by everyone because none of my peers are really going through the same thing as me it seems (or they just hide it very,very well) I have SAD, depression, personality disorder, and am introverted and shy. I have a very bad self image like I look up "ugly" people as well as models and compare myself to both and always see myself as ugly, I feel like I am a whole new brand of ugly. I have felt pretty and people tell me I am pretty all the time but I don't care. Same thing with my size, I feel super fat though I see people my age bigger then me all the time (my parents pick at my weight) I'm not even that fat, just over average. I feel so alone, I just want to end it all...

My older 1/2 sister and 1/2 brother had each other when they grew up with my parents, but i have no one, my mom is bipolar and really believes in her mind that she is right about everything.. and my dad is just awfully strict and mean and awkward. I hate my life.... I am also home schooled so i literally never--ever leave the house and there is no where that is walking distance so I'm in an endless abyss of sameness,and despair for something better

I don't have a close relationship with anyone except my best friend who lives 8 hours away... I always miss my mom (because she works 7am-9pm and goes to bed as soon as she is home, dad works 1am-11pm lays down at 12 or so and wakes up at 11pm) and I'm usually lonely, but when I am with her we clash worse than bulls. And she doesn't accept me for being Goth which hurts because that is a HUGE part of my life. I also feel I can not tell her anything, and like everything I do is bad (she nit-picks the music i listen to all the time and my makeup saying i scare her sometimes..) I am not sure if I am posting this to vent, or if I want advice (its appreciated)... I just feel very alone and pathetically worthless and wanted to "talk" to someone..

I am not sure how old you are so not sure where in life you may be. But at a certain point you've progressed as far as you can in your home life and desire further growth.

If you are underage, this can be difficult. It was for me as a teenager. I eventually went to live with my aunt and uncle halfway across the country. I was miserable there because they had their own set of problems that they took out on me, BUT it allowed me time to look into myself and realize my potential as an individual.

Please try not to believe that all hope is lost. Find your passions and learn to love yourself. If others say things about you, listen to them, thank them for the attention, and if the advice or comments are positive, take it in. If it isn't positive, let the words fall to the ground knowing that you don't need them. I know that's easier said than done but enough practice will help you get used to it. Eventually, you will love who you are inside.

Maybe take an elective class at the community center or YMCA. I understand you say you are home schooled, but maybe to help build up your social life, you can pick up a class that sparks your interest, like art, literature, cooking, yoga, endless possibilities... Pick something that interests you. And chin up, you just need to work on finding who you are inside and grow to love that person. It will take time but with effort, you will get there...

Hey, luckily, your feelings of worthlessness do not make you worthless. It's normal to go through tough periods when you don't feel understood or appreciated. It happens as you grow and discover yourself more and more as you change more and more. But changing also means that you have to redefine the way you connect to the world around you and that makes it hard.

Sometimes it helps playing with your cards on the table - try telling your friend how you feel when she's being that way to you. But be prepared that it might not help. People have different understandings of how they should communicate and how personal a conversation should be.

Good luck!

with those crazy schedules, who's home schooling you? is there any way they'd let you go to a regular school? just curious what the story is there.

I understand you about the goth thing. I went through a hippie phase, an industrial phase (with a semi-goth boyfriend) and ended up (still am) mod. funny thing is what you are saying about your mom criticizing your look/music...it totally brought me back to my struggles with my mom. I know how you feel, you just want to express yourself, and it's not how your parents picture you. don't worry, they will learn to deal with it, or maybe you will grow out of it. who knows.

have you been diagnosed/treated for the issues you listed? do you have a therapist? would your parents be open to you seeing one? I was thinking that would at least get you out of the house...

I'm glad you're here and expressing your opinion!

I'm glad you were able to reach out here for help with being alone.

I'd like to know how "being alone" became a way to be. It seems to me, that being alone is un natural.

I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't know.

G'luck!

Hi there.

Have you ever spoken to your mom about you being goth and what it means and why it's important to you? I truly think a lot of the negativity people get for alternative lifestyles (be it goth, hippy, whatever) comes from a lack of understanding. People fear the unknown as a sort of natural thing. Furthermore, if people don't understand something, they're likely to "educate" themselves from outside sources, such as picking up rumors or stereotypes and applying that to their understanding of it. I think if your had a quality "education" in what the subculture is, it might ease things.

I'd go on a limb and say when your mom was growing up, her parents probably thought her taste in music and dress was strange. Keep in mind, Elvis was considered grossly profane during his time by some. :/

Also, don't compare yourself to others as a basis on where you stand. You're you, not anyone else. Furthermore, I read somewhere that, statistically, models represent 1% of the population (or something along those lines). Society, however, has a really poor habit of making that 1% seem like a solid 85%, thus making it feel like that the "majority" are these women (who seem to love to try to sell you things :/) and are what you're "supposed to be". That simply is not the case. You should be proud to be you. Off that line, if people tell you that you're pretty all the time...why not believe them? As humans, we are much more self conscious of what we think are faults in our appearance (and personality too) than others. If people compliment you often, I would think it's a safe bet that they're right.

I hope I was of some help. Take care, and I wish you my best.

It is an online school, and (i take no offense at all since this is text it might sound like im annoyed) It is not a phase, it is more of a state of mind for me then it is style though i do enjoy the style as well lol. I have been diagnosed but not treated I was medicated for depression but the meds. caused bad hallucinations and I would wake up screaming because I would see shadows coming at me (it was bad) so i stopped taking them. I was seeing a therapist (i actually saw 3 different ones) but it never lasted past 2 or 3 appointments :/

Thank you everyone for your answers, it has helped me a ton! I will probably have to write out what i wish to say and sit down with my mother and just explain how i feel.. Hopefully this will help some, again thank you all very much!!