[Jenn1fer82]

Him and I have been friends for many years now over 5 yrs actually, I can consider him as my bestfriend. 6-8 months ago we were about to start a dating relationship until I had doubts when 1-2 weeks into dating he decided to quit his job because he wasn't happy with his work. It had brought too many emotional burdens from my past where I took care of a guy for months because he was fired from work. I told myself I need to look for someone who is stable in life where I wouldn't have to take on the burden of the relationship. I told my friend that I have doubts and its best for us to stay friends and possibly start again when he's stable in life. Since then him and I still flirt, we hug, give each other kisses, exchange sweet gestures and 1 time him and I had oral sex. I told him we can't confuse one another like this anymore and I can't get my emotions mixed up knowing that he's not what I want in my life right now.

Over the weekend I stayed at his house when all of us had too much to drink to drive home. He didnt go out with us but he let us stay with him until we sobered up. I wasn't drunk whatsoever but I knew staying at a friends place is better then being on the road. That night he made it obvious to me that he wanted to get intimate possible oral sex or just making out. I told him no I'm not in the mood. Hours later he tried again and at this time I am pissed off. I told him no again. The next morning he tried again and I threw his arm off of me.

I demanded for us to talk once I was home and I told him how hurtful I am because he kept trying when I told him many times I didnt want to be intimate with him. He told me he was sorry and that he's just a guy that misunderstood the signs. What sign is he talking about? I didnt flirt with him in bed, I was passed out tired from going out and from a few drinks. He totally disrespected the friendship and my body.

[CastlesInTheAir]

I think he might be a little mixed up from the possibility of the whole dating thing.

I would say you have every right to be mad if you told him no numerous times.


-Trish
"Don't curse the rain, without it things don't grow. Instead find the beauty in it."

[cboxpalace]

1 time him and I had oral sex.

I'm curious how long ago was this, and who initiated it?

[Jenn1fer82]

Originally Posted by cboxpalace

I'm curious how long ago was this, and who initiated it?

That happened when him and I decided to give dating a chance and soon after I had many doubts when he decided to quit his job. The both of us initiated that night.

[cboxpalace]

Originally Posted by Jenn1fer82

What sign is he talking about?

Not Relevent!

He totally disrespected the friendship and my body.

Here's the thing.. You took a really GREAT friendship, and you tried crossing the line into a relationship, and that fell apart. Now you want to put the genie back in the bottle.. That will be hard to do. The lines are now really blurred, in my opinion.

Since then him and I still flirt, we hug, give each other kisses, exchange sweet gestures

All the above should probably be stopped at least for awhile. You almost have to go back to square one and learn to be just friends again. The very first day you met him 5+ years ago you probably wouldn't have kissed him, and possibly not flirted with him. You really have to try and make that friendship line clear. If that's even really possible.

I think what you need to decide is..
1. Is it possible to get back this really GREAT friendship?
2. Do you want it back?

If so... my advice would be to go easy on him, and try and establish a more clear boundary, and BOTH of you need to stick to it...

Hope this helps a little...

[AAAAA]

No means no. Having said that, and I am not making excuses for him, but it sounds very much like the boundaries of your relationship have been blurred. If you've been friends with him for this long, he's got to be a good guy and it is probably more a case of wishful thinking rather than a sexual predator. The flirty relationship does not appear to be working for him. It sounds like his feelings for you are stronger than yours for him. Now that you know this perhaps its time to put some space in the relationship and make good choices until things are more balanced.

Keep in mind the things you used to be able to do as friends without worry of mixed messages are now sending him a different message. You may have slept in a bed with him a million times without a thought before, but now you know that the balance has changed and he sees this as a form of encouragement. Flirting with him now is not only a really bad idea, it is actually pretty cruel. He wants more.

I am SO happy to hear that you've gotten rid of that last loser that was a stone around your neck and looking at things from a healthier point of view!!! Good for you!!!

[Perna]

I don't understand how you are in the same bed he is in and thinking "friend". I don't know why you don't mind having a friend without a job but don't want a romantic relationship with a person without a job; would you not help a "best friend" (your words) if they needed it? I think you are trying to draw lines in your psyche and your psyche ain't having it. You cannot be kissing, hugging, being all lovey-dovey to the poor guy one moment, sleeping in his bed, etc. and then saying you are not interested. I think you are fooling yourself and messing with everyone else.

If you have a problem with having had a previous relationship go south because the guy was fired, that is your problem; this guy is not that guy and treating him like he will be does him a disservice. If you cannot abide his choices in his life, I would get out of it totally so he isn't kept guessing as to how you feel about him.

[cboxpalace]

Originally Posted by Perna

I don't understand how you are in the same bed he is in and thinking "friend". I don't know why you don't mind having a friend without a job but don't want a romantic relationship with a person without a job; would you not help a "best friend" (your words) if they needed it? I think you are trying to draw lines in your psyche and your psyche ain't having it. You cannot be kissing, hugging, being all lovey-dovey to the poor guy one moment, sleeping in his bed, etc. and then saying you are not interested. I think you are fooling yourself and messing with everyone else.

If you have a problem with having had a previous relationship go south because the guy was fired, that is your problem; this guy is not that guy and treating him like he will be does him a disservice. If you cannot abide his choices in his life, I would get out of it totally so he isn't kept guessing as to how you feel about him.

Well written comments, and I agree with all of them!!!

[Jenn1fer82]

Originally Posted by Perna

I don't understand how you are in the same bed he is in and thinking "friend". I don't know why you don't mind having a friend without a job but don't want a romantic relationship with a person without a job; would you not help a "best friend" (your words) if they needed it? I think you are trying to draw lines in your psyche and your psyche ain't having it. You cannot be kissing, hugging, being all lovey-dovey to the poor guy one moment, sleeping in his bed, etc. and then saying you are not interested. I think you are fooling yourself and messing with everyone else.

If you have a problem with having had a previous relationship go south because the guy was fired, that is your problem; this guy is not that guy and treating him like he will be does him a disservice. If you cannot abide his choices in his life, I would get out of it totally so he isn't kept guessing as to how you feel about him.

I appreicate your input, thank you. Can you please go more in depth of what you mean when you say: " I think you are trying to draw lines in your psyche and your psyche ain't having it. "