[sfwonk]

1- don't talk much anymore.
2- sex (if/when it happens) is lousy.
3- each find some of the others personal habits/quirks irritating for no reason.
4- each would rather waste time on porn or sex chat rooms.
5- each avoid going to bed and make up excuses for "having" to stay up late (work, school,...) to pursue #4 including lies (white or other).
6- each hide "innocent" activities

There IS still love.
But aside from a few wonderful moments, the relationship seems beyond repair.

Sigh.

[shezbut]

Love does take work. Even still, it does go through phases of ups and downs. The healthy thing to do is remind yourselves of the love and commitment.

Being dishonest with one another doesn't help the situation ~ it only complicates things further. I'd recommend being more honest with one another. Sex would be better for you if ____, how could you help sex improve for him/her? Work together.

It takes time. But if both of you are willing to watch porn or sex chat rooms, you both have interest and the extra time to devote to your sex lives. Be gently honest with one another, not accusatory. Things are likely to improve a lot with just one or two open discussions with one another!

Originally Posted by sfwonk

1- don't talk much anymore.
2- sex (if/when it happens) is lousy.
3- each find some of the others personal habits/quirks irritating for no reason.
4- each would rather waste time on porn or sex chat rooms.
5- each avoid going to bed and make up excuses for "having" to stay up late (work, school,...) to pursue #4 including lies (white or other).
6- each hide "innocent" activities

There IS still love.
But aside from a few wonderful moments, the relationship seems beyond repair.

Sigh.

Can you make a list of, 6 reasions you want to repair your love?
or even 6 things you can do to improve what is already wrong?
i think this might be a good practice... kind of like making lists of "pro's" and "con's"

Here is an example...

1- We have things in common that we could talk about
2- we would both like to improve our sex life by trying something new
3- we can work toggether to find soloutions on how to avoid becomming irratated about eachother's bad habbits.
4- we can spice it up in the bed room by maybe trying something we like from the porn/chat rooms
5- we could spend more time together by doing something that we both like to do for fun
6- we can try to not hide things from each other by telling the truth more often

...idk hope this helps... it's just a sugestion

[sfwonk]

Originally Posted by shezbut

Love does take work. Even still, it does go through phases of ups and downs. The healthy thing to do is remind yourselves of the love and commitment.

Being dishonest with one another doesn't help the situation ~ it only complicates things further. I'd recommend being more honest with one another. Sex would be better for you if ____, how could you help sex improve for him/her? Work together.

It takes time. But if both of you are willing to watch porn or sex chat rooms, you both have interest and the extra time to devote to your sex lives. Be gently honest with one another, not accusatory. Things are likely to improve a lot with just one or two open discussions with one another!

Thank you.
Yes, logical brain knows these things. Even knows some of the tools needed.
The non-accusatory part is hard ... for both of us [thanks moms :| ].

Yes, being dishonest doesn't help. For me it is the surfing news/politics & porn. For her it is surfing news/politics and sex chat rooms - including staying up late or to chat w/her ex (he was the M to her S).
Other problem is when being honest, it helps for the truth to be accepted. I got to the point where I couldn't keep myself from laughing when asked/accused about sexting and/or cheating.

Getting it "on paper" helps. Thanks.

[sfwonk]

Originally Posted by vickienc16

Can you make a list of, 6 reasions you want to repair your love?
or even 6 things you can do to improve what is already wrong?
i think this might be a good practice... kind of like making lists of "pro's" and "con's"

Here is an example...

1- We have things in common that we could talk about
2- we would both like to improve our sex life by trying something new
3- we can work toggether to find soloutions on how to avoid becomming irratated about eachother's bad habbits.
4- we can spice it up in the bed room by maybe trying something we like from the porn/chat rooms
5- we could spend more time together by doing something that we both like to do for fun
6- we can try to not hide things from each other by telling the truth more often

...idk hope this helps... it's just a sugestion

That's a good starting point.
Just have to avoid the trap of only focusing on the negatives.
Much to ponder.

Thanks!

[pudsey]

Originally Posted by sfwonk

1- don't talk much anymore.
2- sex (if/when it happens) is lousy.
3- each find some of the others personal habits/quirks irritating for no reason.
4- each would rather waste time on porn or sex chat rooms.
5- each avoid going to bed and make up excuses for "having" to stay up late (work, school,...) to pursue #4 including lies (white or other).
6- each hide "innocent" activities

There IS still love.
But aside from a few wonderful moments, the relationship seems beyond repair.

Sigh.

I am so sorry to hear that but would be interested in keeping up to date with you and your replies that sounds just like me

[Suki22]

are you married? how long have you been together? have you tried couples therapy or considered it?

Originally Posted by sfwonk

That's a good starting point.
Just have to avoid the trap of only focusing on the negatives.
Much to ponder.

Thanks!

so how are things comming along for you?
-well i hope

[jokerfella]

Your stuff's on the driveway

[Kani-Nelekona]

Originally Posted by sfwonk

1- don't talk much anymore.
2- sex (if/when it happens) is lousy.
3- each find some of the others personal habits/quirks irritating for no reason.
4- each would rather waste time on porn or sex chat rooms.
5- each avoid going to bed and make up excuses for "having" to stay up late (work, school,...) to pursue #4 including lies (white or other).
6- each hide "innocent" activities

There IS still love.
But aside from a few wonderful moments, the relationship seems beyond repair.

Sigh.

I'd say it's time to consider getting out of the relationship ... I assume you're not married. Even if you are or aren't married, it's obvious something has seriously broke down between the "2" of you...

Your situation sounds almost identical to mine, but with a few differences, so I know it's painful for you...

I can't say it's beyond repair, but I would definitely say it's rocky ground it stands on...

I feel your pain, and wish you good luck...