[Hopester]

A few months ago, me and my husband decided to move. I have been packing and trying to get everything done around the house. Today he told me that he wasn't moving with me but back home. We've been married for 15 years. We've been having problems for a few years and we have talked about separating a few times. I've asked him before to go to marriage counseling but he refused. I feel like I have tried so hard to make our marriage work. This is my second marriage and I feel like such a failure. I feel alot of different emotions right now but mostly I'm just scared.

[Perna]

But is he going to help you move, support you in your new place, maybe come back; how does he view this separation? The two of you at least need to talk, hammer out details; instead of being mostly scared, express a little of your anger at his timing of his bombshell and his leaving you "hanging", not knowing whether you should move, stay, get a place on your own, a smaller place, or what.

[IceCreamKid]

I'm sorry this is happening. Please don't let your husband rush you into anything and don't move right now if it is not to your benefit.

[Hopester]

He says he will do me a favor and stay until May 1st and then he's gone. But he wants me to keep paying his cell phone and hospital bills after he leaves. I don't think that I should pay them. I am on disability and have a limited income. I have no idea where to even start to find out what kind of help is out there for me. Every day since he told me, he has been treating me worse and worse. Today I asked him if there was anything in the house he wanted and he told me it was all my stuff and he didn't want anything. So I told him that I would take things to Goodwill and he said no you could sell it and give me the money because I deserve so type of compensation for dealing with you all these years. I am so lost on it all. I'm just tired of him calling me stupid, crazy and psycho.

[IceCreamKid]

It sounds like you will be better off without him. Does he work? How long have you been married? Depending on where you live, maybe he will have to pay you support? I don't think you should pay his cell phone bill or his hospital bill; but you want to make sure you are doing whatever the law requires, so you really should consult a lawyer. Try to avoid conversing with him to give him fewer opportunities to call you names. I hope someone offers you some good tips on what kind of help is available to you.

[Open Eyes]

Well, you say you have been having problems for a while with him. I don't think you should take the whole blame for this. It sounds like he is feeling a bit guilty because he is being mean. And I don't think you should have to pay for his bills, if he is leaving then he needs to be responsible for his own expenses. Does he even work? Contribute?

Open Eyes

[Polydodecahedron]

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation, I am in agreement with IceCreamKid's comments and even though I imagine you may feel far way from a good place now, sometimes the strangest situations can be blessings in disguise. Is there anyone you can speak to who could help you whose loyalties lie with you and not your husband?

[Gus1234U]

if you are on disability, you might qualify for Legal Aid, a cheap or free legal service for low-income and disabled people,, do look around for legal advice, and assistance, or you could be left holding a nasty bag of regrets,,, so sorry you are having to endure this,, best wishes, ,Gus

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by Hopester

I'm just tired of him calling me stupid, crazy and psycho.

Hopester,
This is abusive.
My heart goes out to you.
I struggle with "feeling like a failure" in parts of my life too.
Keep taking deep breaths. No way are you a failure. Life is hard and we go through this and that but must keep looking forward at a better day. This guy sounds really harmful to your self-esteem. Even through it is hard, it sounds so much better that he is leaving. You deserve respect.
Elana
Hope you'll keep posting.

[Hopester]

My sister came and got me and is going to let me stay with her, her hubby and my niece until I can find a place and get on my feet again. I just couldn't take the screaming and calling me names anymore. I still have to go back and get things like my dishes and all of my clothes. My sister lives 2 hours away from where we lived. He's still in the house but I'm hoping he'll leave while I am gone. Tomorrow I am going to call around to find a tdoc around this area and start calling around to the HUD and see if I qualify for help. I am much more relaxed and not as stressed here and I think that's an important thing right now. My parents live about 5 mins away from the house so they are keeping an eye out to make sure he doesn't throw my things to the road and they have my chihuahua at their house. I know that things will be so much better for me emotionally and mentally in the long run but it's just hard right now. Thank ya'll for replies and kind words.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Hopester

He says he will do me a favor

Does not sound like he is doing you any favors; I would find my anger at his cavalier treatment and get him out sooner rather than later. With favors like that. . .