[midnight.fairy]

I don't know what to think about my relationship anymore. He used to love me so much now I'm just starting to feel his love for me fade. I have issues with depression and it's been really bad lately. I've even made an appointment to get help next week.....and I've been trying really hard to be really sweet to my boyfriend lately and it's like it doesn't matter. We just moved in with each other a few weeks ago and everytime his daughter comes over he sends me away. It really hurts my feelings a lot and he doesn't seem to care. I wasn't even depressed the other day. I was actually being nice and cleaning the house since he has no interest in making our house a home. He just said I have to get my daughter go stay at your moms. So I just said OK and left. It hurts my feelings a lot I didn't call him last night or anything. I don't know if I'm ever going back. He did call and say he loved me but I still don't know what to think. Is my relationship just ending? It doesn't seem like he is even interested in me at all we never even have sex hardly at all anymore. Maybe I've already lost him and I really do love him a lot it breaks my heart.

[Bella01]

I think that you should come right out and ask him why he doesn't want you to meet her.
Your not going to know the answer unless you ask.

[PsychGirl123]

I agree— you can't have a good relationship without having clear lines of communication.

It could be a lot of things, but without a doubt, having a child around someone who is depressed and hurting can be very confusing for the child. But it doesn't mean he's ashamed of you, or doesn't love you, etc. Maybe he just sees it as a way to protect his daughter (from your illness, NOT you), or he wants to ease her into meeting you over time.

I'm sure you're a lovely person, but we have to think about things in our significant others' shoes; being in a relationship with someone who is depressed can be very difficult and challenging. I'm sure my boyfriend worried about my meeting his family, and has wanted to jump ship on more than one occasion. But you know what? He's still here.

Try not to come to any conclusions on your own—just think positively about getting better, talk to him about how he's feeling, and keep up with that appointment and getting better, one day at a time. Whatever his response, don't let it get you down.

Just remember, you're doing this (getting help, that is) for YOU, not for him. That's just some icing on the cake. And cake is good with OR without frosting anyway :]

[Perna]

I think since you all just moved in with each other; he is trying to hide that from his ex- and just look like a dedicated father-figure, that his not wanting you there is not about you or whether he would like you to meet his daughter or not, just that it isn't time for him. I don't think it has anything at all to do with your depression.

I would definitely talk to him though, not right before he sends you off but now, when things are quieter. Are you paying any rent on where you both live or have you in effect moved in with him and are just thinking you have moved in together whereas maybe he's just thinking he has his girlfriend staying with him? Did he move to a different place? Just spending the night with him most nights is not really moving in with him, you have to "share" the place, be there "together" and both have a say and set up housekeeping, etc.

I would talk about the whole relationship and where you and he sees it going, make sure you are on the same page.

[likewater]

Men are weird. My bfriend did something
Similar before then admitted he pulled away bc he was scared. I found out after taking him to my T with me. Good luck.

[midnight.fairy]

Thanks for the replies! I think he really just doesn't want me to go through a depressive episode in front of her. I guess I understand but I don't really like being sent away either....it makes me feel rejected. I do admit to being really down lately and I think it's ruining everything. I'll probably end up staying with my mom until I go to the doctor just because I need a home. It's better than going back and forth I hate that. I really love him and I want it to work out. We're supposed to talk tonight so hopefully it all goes OK.

[IceCreamKid]

You deserve better treatment. No one should "send you" from your own home. Either you are a full partner in this live-in relationship or you are not. You deserve better.

[midnight.fairy]

Thanks. I respect him for loving his daughter but it doesn't feel good knowing you come second at the same time. I might be selfish for that but I want to be the most important person I can't help it. I know depression is hard to deal with but I'm not crazy and I really wouldn't act like a psycho in front of someone's kid. Plus she's not a baby she's 10 which is still young I know but he acts like she's 2 and if I cried in front of her it'd be damaging to her or something. I'm sure her mom and stepdad aren't 100% happy all the time it just seems like he's making too big of a deal out of it you can't shelter your kids from everything can you? Am I wrong?

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by midnight.fairy

Thanks. I respect him for loving his daughter but it doesn't feel good knowing you come second at the same time. I might be selfish for that but I want to be the most important person I can't help it. I know depression is hard to deal with but I'm not crazy and I really wouldn't act like a psycho in front of someone's kid. Plus she's not a baby she's 10 which is still young I know but he acts like she's 2 and if I cried in front of her it'd be damaging to her or something. I'm sure her mom and stepdad aren't 100% happy all the time it just seems like he's making too big of a deal out of it you can't shelter your kids from everything can you? Am I wrong?

There is the love for a child and then there is the love for an adult romantic partner. It's two separate things. From what I have seen quite a few parents get all weird when they want to start a romance after they are divorced and have children. If you can talk rationally to him and explain you are a full-partner in your living arrangement and that means the daughter can come visit while you remain in what is your home, there is hope. But if what he is really trying to do is hide his romance from his daughter, he's doomed to failure,mis-leading his daughter, and not teaching her healthy values about love, honesty and family. If he can't get on board with that, I'd find another man.

[unaluna]

idk. why should a 10-yr old have to "compete" with a grown woman for her father's attention? or, why is a grown woman competing with a 10-yr old? where was your own father when you were growing up? I am glad you are getting help - this could be better worked out in therapy, so you don't keep repeating the situation unsuccessfully IRL.

[midnight.fairy]

Originally Posted by hankster

idk. why should a 10-yr old have to "compete" with a grown woman for her father's attention? or, why is a grown woman competing with a 10-yr old? where was your own father when you were growing up? I am glad you are getting help - this could be better worked out in therapy, so you don't keep repeating the situation unsuccessfully IRL.

I don't think I want to compete. I really don't even care if he loves her more than me and I'm happy he wants to see his daughter. I just don't want to be sent away from my home because he thinks I'm not good enough or whatever. Anyway we still aren't getting along and I've pretty much decided to stay at my moms for a while. I'm starting to think I can't fix it and maybe it'd be better to end our relationship. And no I didn't have a dad growing up. I'm 26 and he hasn't been in my life since my parents divorced when I was 3...but I don't really think I care my mom was a good mom and she's always been there for me so at least I have her.