afraid I'm going to be alone forever

I have this deep fear that I'm going to be alone forever (as in I'll never find someone to love me and marry me). I'd seriously rather die than grow old alone.

I'm in my mid-twenties now and am surrounded by the engagements/weddings/babies of my peers. I had one serious relationship that went up in flames about 2.5 years ago. I think I'm mostly over it by now, but there's still a little hurt there. I know having a relationship won't suddenly make my life all magical and perfect with puppies and rainbows, but it would sure be nice to have someone by my side for life during the ups and downs.

Does anyone have some suggestions on how to deal with this fear of mine?

This is a common fear I think. However that being said don't rush out and get married to the first person you meet either. Loneliness can be dangerous as I've seen people get way too involved very quickly and get hurt so my advice is try to meet someone if you can through a friend if possible or try a dating site just to see what's out there.

Yeah, I agree with scotty204. Spot on ...

Well, I'm not going to rush out and marry whoever. No guys like me anyway.

I've been there. Now I'm 33 and my wedding is in less than 1 month. If you are afraid to end up alone, you need to put effort into trying to meet someone. I spent years online dating, kissed a lot of frogs, and finally met my prince.

Lots of luck,
EJ

i think you are at that age when everyone who isn't getting married or in a relationship thinks this way...seriously. & at some point at that age it seems like if you get invited to 1 more shower/wedding etc you will just scream.

i think you will survive (most of us do by the way)...altho honestly it does suck that some of us who stay single seem to end up buying tons of gifts & we never have showers, weddings etc as payback....we need the same...i could use a toaster, coffee maker, ..just sayin...

don't worry, if it is to happen it will. got a dog? walk it. one of the best meet & greet things you can do is get a dog. go to the dog park. join some groups. most of all relax & be yourself. be forced & anxious & it won't be a good relationship.

be happy. do stuff yourself. go to museums, see things that you enjoy...take trips. alone isn't a death sentence...& you will meet others like you..trust me.

i decided long aGO that i wasn't going to sit home alone & wait for something & haven't looked back since. best decision i ever made. still single at 52..& that is by choice.

Thanks, I tried online dating and I'll never do it again. Most of the guys who seemed nice ended up being total d-bags. One who I never even met harassed me via phone for months with extremely inappropriate messages, one nice guy was needier than me and would NOT stop the barrage of texts even after I said it was too much, and two different guys date r***d me. So yeah, not even going to try that.

Thanks stumpy, just saw your post. I am moving to another state this fall, so I'm hoping a change of scenery will be helpful. And even though people either think it's a great idea or a horrible one, I do plan to get a dog when I'm there so I have a buddy.

cool. trust me...get a dog...& it is an awesome ice breaker...dog parks are great places to meet people...better yet get a rescue dog & you join an awesome social netwrok with built in events, parties etc.

example...basset rescues have things called "waddles" people come from all across the country to these...they are weekend long events & they involve auctions, olympics, dinners, parades of bassets, (the one in ocean city nj usually runs about 600+ basset hounds )...they are all over the country...huge party events. our rescue is doing a mini golf tournament, a wine & waddle wine tasting event, because your dog is worth it day, etc...trust me...join a rescue..you'll meet people.

As a gal who has been divorced a while, I can empathize with the loneliness factor. And yes, online dating is a huge joke. I think most men on there prey on women and the fact that we are lonely, and exploit it.

My suggestion is to read the Rules. Some of it may seem archaic, but it is helpful when dealing with dating at all. It's actually saved me from going backwards to relationships that aren't good for me.

Best of all, don't let this get you down. You are free to as you wish. You don't have to answer to anyone. And as cliche as it sounds, the more confident you are, the more likely you will get dates with people. It really does work.

Take care, and good luck.

I am so sorry that you had those experiences. I hope that you were able to receive some counseling after the assaults. I imagine that the trauma experience is making a difficult situation much more difficult to cope with.

Best to you,
EJ

A very thoughtful pastor once assured me that everybody has some sort of issues with self-confidence and self-esteem. People just deal with it in different ways. In my own opinion, we all have to find someone whose issues are compatible with our own!

Guys can be a lot more insecure than people think, and can hide it even from themselves. We want to be strong, we're "supposed" to be strong - big, bad, competent, able protectors and providers - but we also want to feel, to be vulnerable and tender and open and receptive to giving and receiving love. It's tricky at times to balance it all out. Some men are the obvious shy, hesitant "Nice Guys"; some compensate by being the brash, arrogant, I-fear-nothing-and-can-handle-anything type; a few seem to lack empathy or compassion and don't care about self-control, but no doubt have their own inner demons they struggle with.

I feel really, truly bad to hear how horribly some of us males have treated you. I think a lot of guys feel as I do - at times, we wonder what the <bleep> is wrong in the male psyche to lead people to pull that kind of selfish cruelty!? Some of us wish we could help undo the damage, or prevent it from happening in the first place. Chivalry isn't dead and idealism is alive and well ... it can sometimes be found hanging back in the far corner of the dance floor, wondering if it will be alone forever.

A lot of people, women and men, are afraid they'll never really connect or be accepted, its one of the most common and horrible fears we can have. I can empathize with that feeling.

Best of luck to you (((rainboots))) ... and kudos for your interest in "Timey-wimey stuff", btw.

I can totally understand how you feel... I am 26 and most of my friends are already married and have kids. I keep thinking that maybe I am just destined to be by myself forever or that there is no one out there for me. I have also tried online dating but I think it is stupid as most people that I have met on there are freaks, and it is so hard to meet people now days. I am also still in love with my ex even though we broke up over a year ago (I know, lame) so I can totally understand you.

Mid twenties is a long way from forever. My first divorce happened around my late twenties & I was devastated. When I finally got over the hurt, I started living my life the way I wanted. The first reaction is to find someone to fill that emptiness but it's probably not the best idea. Getting happy again about yourself should be priority one. I'm just now facing my second divorce. We have been together for 18 years and talk about being afraid I will end up alone! At 55, I don't have much left to offer but I know that I need to make the most of my life no matter what. So, I push through that painful period again and live for myself. Separation from a loved one is probably the deepest pain you will ever feel but your life will not end because you aren't with that person. Once you recognize that you haven't disintegrated you will be able to carry on a life that is actually pretty normal. As great as it is to share your life with someone, being on your own has some wonderful advantages that you should take advantage of.
Peace

All I can say is im in my mid twenties (damn....how did that happen? lol) and have never been on a date or kissed anyone and have the same fear as you. I, personally, am working on the issues I know I need to overcome before I can have a relationship with anyone else. It is very lonely but in time I believe it will happen. Good luck and get out and meet people. The more people you meet with things in common with you (such as a ski group if your really into skiing) the more likely you are to find a nice person to have a relationship with.